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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This anonymous message still bothers me…

60 replies

Blossom4538 · 07/05/2023 14:25

And I know it shouldn’t really.

I received it just before Xmas and never got to the bottom of it. Some may remember…
I received this from an anonymous sender -

Why are you staying with . You know he is gay right? You need to get out of that situation you’re both fooling yourselves. The marriage is finished and has been for a long time

Wish I could forget or find an answer…

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 09/05/2023 17:20

Can you stay with him? That is up to you.

In your shoes I'd stay put. You clearly love eachother. You say that there is affection but no sex - how long has it been since you had sex and on a scale of 1-10 how much do you miss it?

Little or no sex wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if everything else was good.

RoseThornside · 09/05/2023 17:39

How old are you OP? Your libido will drop as you get older - I'm generalising here because there are obviously exceptions to the rule - as women naturally lose interest in sex as they get to about 50. At that point, you'll come across plenty of threads from women who can't cope with their partners' libidos, and you might well be grateful that yours doesn't want sex! Personally I'd love to be able to cuddle a lovely man, or even dance with one, without an erection constantly looming.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 09/05/2023 20:56

OP It sounds like you don't want to settle for no sex and that's fine and understandable. I would also guess the person who sent the letter knows your dh is gay.

I love sex. It's healthy and important for me to have that with my partner. It's ok for sex to be a priority.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 09/05/2023 22:59

I don’t know what to do really. I’m feeling really low and confused

OP posts:
deciduouspants · 10/05/2023 05:52

@Blossom4538 I suggest you ask the person "you have chemistry with", face to face, if they sent you the anonymous message.

Clove42 · 10/05/2023 06:33

Is this something gay guy who has had his head turned and trying to cause conflict so you break up? Have you ever been suspicious he is gay? Is it a joke from a friend of both of you? Have you spoken to your partner about the message and how its bothering you? Sorry. I didn't read the previous thread so you may have answered all this already.

Clove42 · 10/05/2023 06:34

Clove42 · 10/05/2023 06:33

Is this something gay guy who has had his head turned and trying to cause conflict so you break up? Have you ever been suspicious he is gay? Is it a joke from a friend of both of you? Have you spoken to your partner about the message and how its bothering you? Sorry. I didn't read the previous thread so you may have answered all this already.

Is this some gay guy* that was meant to say

Dery · 10/05/2023 07:12

@Blossom4538 - just picking up the point made by a PP that women’s libidos drop around 50. That is absolutely not a given. Mine is higher now. I’m post-menopausal and I think knowing I can’t get pregnant has made me more relaxed about it. I know other post-menopausal women who feel the same.

Seaoftroubles · 10/05/2023 11:43

@Blossom4538 l agree with@Dery, not sure of your age, sorry if l've missed it, but during peri menopause many woman report their libido goes through the roof, and post meno can often be a time when women have a higher sex drive, especially if they have a new partner! Speaking from experience here. You really can't generalise.

Original poster
Blossom4538 · 10/05/2023 18:32

I’m in my 40s, signs of peri, but hormone tests came back normal.

I do miss it but not just the physical act of it, feeling that emotional closeness and affection too and to be really wanted that way.

H is amazing in other ways and so caring.

OP posts:
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