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Original poster

Someone only mentioning that they have a child on first date - OLD

77 replies

Confuzzled2 · 06/05/2023 15:16

Hi everyone,

I went on a date with a really lovely man yesterday, and we’ve already planned a second date, etc. We’ve been talking for quite a while (a month) via text. Anyway, he dropped it in conversation on the date that he had a child and that he understands “if that puts me off”. Just wondering why he would wait till the first date to tell me?? I don’t mind that he has a child, but it would have been a wasted date if I did mind. Not really a big deal, but has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
WatieKatie · 06/05/2023 22:02

Surely if it’s a dealbreaker you’d ask when messaging initially?

EmmaEmerald · 06/05/2023 22:04

I'm told from other childfree folk that if you put "won't date parents" on your profile, you get nasty messages, easier to just ask when you talk to someone.

Popcorn121 · 06/05/2023 22:06

People really think this bloke didn’t tell the OP about his child as she might be a peado!? I don’t think anyone believe that….

He is just a dishonest chancer. Block and delete.

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:17

Lots of double standards on this thread.

EmmaEmerald · 06/05/2023 22:18

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:17

Lots of double standards on this thread.

How so?

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:20

Try reversing the sexes.

ily0xx · 06/05/2023 22:23

Thebigblueballoon · 06/05/2023 15:30

Because he figured you might not give him a chance if he revealed it before you met. Loads of folk are funny about dating people with children. He was hoping that if you met, you’d give it a go regardless.

It’s so gross and sneaky that anyone would do this.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 06/05/2023 22:28

For me, I prefer the man to mention either on the site or in texts before we meet that he has children.

This man not mentioning it until the first date, then saying something which seems to say he doesn’t see the child much and a 12 year age gap would have me running for the hills.

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:35

WatieKatie · 06/05/2023 22:02

Surely if it’s a dealbreaker you’d ask when messaging initially?

Of course @WatieKatie that's the sensible answer but this is MN so it has to be a drama.

phishfoodforlife · 06/05/2023 22:36

@PoseyFlump why is it a double standard? If I was gay I wouldn't date a woman with children either. Not because I don't like children but because blended families are really hard and I don't want it.

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 06/05/2023 22:37

It’s fine to only mention it first meet.

EmmaEmerald · 06/05/2023 22:38

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:20

Try reversing the sexes.

Result is exactly the same?

burnoutbabe · 06/05/2023 22:40

On most dating sites you say

Have children
Don't have children but want them
Don't want kids

And when searching for others you can select what option you want for them.

If they have been dishonest and know I don't want kids, then they deserve someone to just walk out of that first date.

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:40

@phishfoodforlife it's a double standard because if it's fine for women not to mention kids on profiles (which I totally agree with) then men shouldn't have to either. And if a woman said she wanted to wait until the first date, we'd all support that. Remember, the OP didn't ask, he didn't lie. Reverse the sexes and the answers on here would be totally different. And before anyone says it's different, it's not. I was the victim of a man AND his wife.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 06/05/2023 22:40

It's like any "bad thing" some people might think if you met them first, you'll like them enough for that not to matter

EmmaEmerald · 06/05/2023 22:42

Posey "And if a woman said she wanted to wait until the first date, we'd all support that."

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

(not sure if I'm channelling Lavon Hayes or Margaret Thatcher).

phishfoodforlife · 06/05/2023 22:43

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:40

@phishfoodforlife it's a double standard because if it's fine for women not to mention kids on profiles (which I totally agree with) then men shouldn't have to either. And if a woman said she wanted to wait until the first date, we'd all support that. Remember, the OP didn't ask, he didn't lie. Reverse the sexes and the answers on here would be totally different. And before anyone says it's different, it's not. I was the victim of a man AND his wife.

But even if he didn't mention it on his profile, they'd been chatting for a month. He'd deliberately withheld the information.

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:45

It was the comments saying he should have it on his profile that I was talking about. And still, if it's a dealbreaker why didn't OP ask?

arethereanyleftatall · 06/05/2023 22:49

Jesus op, raise your bar.
He has shown himself to be selfish, a shit parent, a liar by deliberate omission, and pretty arrogant to go for someone so much younger. By date 1! If that doesn't have you running for the hills, then there's nothing to say.

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:50

Apart from investing in pen and paper and write all your questions down for next time 🙄

AllOrNothingSituation · 06/05/2023 22:51

Honesty I’ve seen threads like this from women and no the general consensus is you don’t have to put it on your profile but it needs to be mentioned before meeting

JenniferBooth · 06/05/2023 22:57

Im child free by choice and if i was single i would expect to be told before the first date. Given that women are now expected to go halves AND men seem to expect a certain standard of dress on a date.......this all costs money So dont put it on your profile fine, but i would want to know before the first date.

ily0xx · 06/05/2023 23:02

PoseyFlump · 06/05/2023 22:35

Of course @WatieKatie that's the sensible answer but this is MN so it has to be a drama.

Show quote history

Well no, you wouldn’t expect someone to be so sneaky as to omit something so important and that is a deal breaker for so many people. When I was single and online dating I never asked men if they had kids before a date as I’d assume they’d want to make sure I was ok with that (as MANY people aren’t). Luckily I was never in the OP’s situation, every man I dated was honest about their situation before I met them.

Helpmuchneeded · 06/05/2023 23:09

Tbh I wouldn't reveal having a child until on a first date. Not because I wouldn't want to put them off. But if I chat to 5 guys that's essentially 5 strangers knowing about my child.

At least if I see them I can judge if I would like a second date and they don't give me bad vibes, then I would be more comfortable them knowing a bit more x

YouTarzan · 07/05/2023 01:11

First date is fine to reveal this, and just goes to show why you shouldn’t invest so much before you meet.