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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I being unreasonable: books/DH/body image

35 replies

morningpaper · 09/12/2004 13:24

DH brought dd a book from the library which is about elephants going on a diet... (She is 2) I said I didn't think this was very appropriate and I didn't want her having to think about these sorts of subjects while she is so young. He said that the book's message was that it's ok to be fat, but I said I didn't care was the message was, it was the fact that she was too young to be thinking in those terms.

He KEPT reading it to her, which pissed me off, but anyway...

Anyway TODAY she said to me "Mummy your bottom is wobbly wobbly like in my book!" and I said what book and she said "The fat elephant book" !!!!!!!

I am now MAD at DH because I think this proves my point. AND it made me feel like shit! I've spent my whole life fighting feelings of shame about my body. I just don't want my 2 year old thinking in terms of body shape and body image and I'd rather she didn't get these sorts of images from her home life.

Before I start a mjor row, am I being unreasonable? Am I just projecting my own obsession?!

OP posts:

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throckenrobin · 09/12/2004 13:26

I think at 2 she won't have any bad connotations about wobbly bots - might do if she was a bit older. My 2-3 years olds would think it funny. They also like to point out a picture in one of our books that looks like daddy - in a very unflattering way but there is definitely a resemblance.

saintlysecur · 09/12/2004 13:32

I think you are more likely to ause a problem by being upset about it-the book is juat a book, ds (3) loves talking about his jelly tummy-it is one of his best jokes!

Join in with her laughter on the subject-walk aropund wobbling siging songs about your wobbly bottoms, that approach will make it fun and ok-causing a row will show her there is something wrong with talking about bodies and that you shouldn't mention wobbly bits to mummy-IMO.

ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 09/12/2004 13:33

I think she is more likey to get a hang up about body images from you worrying about it than from the book tbh.

morningpaper · 09/12/2004 13:35

Thanks for the posts. I think perhaps I am more annoyed that DH didn't respect my opinion and just put the book away.

I didn't react badly - actually I didn't have time because she then spotted that the baker's was open and demanded that I buy some bread. :) I don't think I actually said anything at all.

Thanks for words of wisdom. Am feeling calmer now...

OP posts:

popsycal · 09/12/2004 13:37

Ds has a totally inoffensive book alled You CHoose which is fab...
HE takes great delight in pointing out daddy (the caveman), mammy (the buxom blonde with pink feather boa), nana and grandad (two hippies), grandma and grandad (the king and queen) and himself (the fairy with the pink hair)
I think it is just something they find funny at 2.

Oh, I am also the middle sized billy goat gruff and the tiger who came to tea...

saintlysecur · 09/12/2004 13:37

understand that one! dh loves to do the opposite of what I want in those kind of situations

joashiningstar · 09/12/2004 13:40

Totally agree - should encourage our little ones to be accepting of, and proud of all body bits - even wobbly ones. Recently posted on another thread about GS calling his mum Fimbo and when she asked him about it, he replied "Fimbo big-bum". This morning he took that one stage further. Got his Fimbo toy out and said Fimbo big-bum, then added "Love Fimbo big-bum".

However, I do think that I'd be more concerned with promoting the idea of 'diets' in a child. Jump on DH for that, by all means - but otherwise be proud of your wobbly bits.

marialuisa · 09/12/2004 13:40

Well i have to say that the book you're referring too is a big hit in our house! DH and i have some screwed up ideas on body image (he's allowed to have an affair if I reach a size 12, make of that what you will) but that book is lovely IMHO. I'd say that the message of it is be happy with what you've got and don't go to extremes rather than "fat is bad".

Flumberrysauce · 09/12/2004 13:43

Ermm, is your bottom wibbly wobbly then?

Flumberrysauce · 09/12/2004 13:45

She knows when the baker opens!!

Don't buy bread!

She will get a wibbly wobbly bottom!

morningpaper · 09/12/2004 13:49

I think what pissed me off about the book was the whole concept of dieting, the focus of which was this slice of chocolate cake which Mrs Elephant eats and is then told off for being 'caught in the act.' It was the idea of dieting/food is the enemy that I didn't like promoting.

Jeez, can't believe I am deconstructing a book about elephant's dieting.

Flumberry: It's possible that my buns are a little less steely than they used to be...

OP posts:

bakedpotatohoho · 09/12/2004 13:52

NP, i wouldn't pick out a book that involved dieting, in whatever context, for a 2-yr-old either. ugh. i'm with you on that. ewww.

but then i also dislike books about pets dying, old people dying, the death of the planet etc. however, since the library is full of 'issue' picture books, that's all you seem to be able to find there.

and yet scouring the shelves, i can't find proper nursery rhymes the good old, full-strength ones featuring birds being shot, cats being put down wells and wives/horses/children etc being beaten anywhere.

is the world perhaps going mad?

bakedpotatohoho · 09/12/2004 13:53

mp even

marialuisa · 09/12/2004 13:56

But she's not "caught out" in a bad way. The rest of the family get there first and then they decide they're going to stop dieting. If anything I'd say it was anti-faddy diets....

Mumsnet is fascinating sometimes.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 09/12/2004 14:01

\link{http://albolivar.com/pictures/PR501/bakedpotato.jpg\BakedPotato}

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 09/12/2004 14:02

Bum - I@ve gone completely mad - wrong thread again. just ignore me and I'll go away in a minute...

bakedpotatohoho · 09/12/2004 14:03

what gets me is, why bother to introduce kids to the notion of diets before they've even encountered them in RL? i'm sure a book like this is fantastic for a 6-yr-old who comes home from school saying so and so is going on a diet, but for a toddler?

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 09/12/2004 14:07

At least it's a library book which will be gone and forgotten in a few weeks. I'd be more annoyed if he'd actually bought the book. It does seem like a bizarre idea for a book though.

aloha · 09/12/2004 14:11

Bakedpotato, I do a LOT of censoring in our house! We have some books with animals in eg Farthing Wood, which have sledgehammer eco message and lots of stuff about bad people hurting animals. I gloss over all that. he's only 3! I also don't like the story about Mrs Large and the diets. Ds doesn't understand that concept at all and I'm very happy with that atm, and would be even more so with a dd. Mind you, he does grin at me lovingly and says, "Mummy, you are SO fat!". But then we call him Chubster, so I suppose its fair. I probably wouldn't do that with a girl...

5goldendillydallys · 09/12/2004 14:11

MariaLuisa
he is allowed to have an affair if you get to size 12??

At what point are you allowed to do the same?

morningpaper · 09/12/2004 14:16

I would imagine when he is bald and impotent?

OP posts:

motherinfestivemood · 09/12/2004 14:17

I'm with you, morningpaper! No diets! None!

I have two girls and I really want them to grow up happier with their bodies, and happy about eating nice food, than I did.

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5goldendillydallys · 09/12/2004 14:18

Morning paper, if baldness equalled no rumpy, then toupee sales would increase substantially.

No diets ever ever ever and the word fat is not to be used as an insult

PamiNativity · 09/12/2004 14:19

As a mother of 2 girls and with an anorexic SIL, I very firmly believe in keeping that sort of book out of my house.
Has anyone seen a parenting book called something like "Of course you tell me I'm beautiful, you're my mother" ? I have to admit that I snorted when I first read the title, but am wondering whether I will be drawn to buy it at some point...

motherinfestivemood · 09/12/2004 14:20

Ditto in the Inferiority Complex.

Although I have taken to pointing out DP's own growing curves, I have to admit.

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