Am I being unreasonable: books/DH/body image

[morningpaper]

DH brought dd a book from the library which is about elephants going on a diet... (She is 2) I said I didn't think this was very appropriate and I didn't want her having to think about these sorts of subjects while she is so young. He said that the book's message was that it's ok to be fat, but I said I didn't care was the message was, it was the fact that she was too young to be thinking in those terms.

He KEPT reading it to her, which pissed me off, but anyway...

Anyway TODAY she said to me "Mummy your bottom is wobbly wobbly like in my book!" and I said what book and she said "The fat elephant book" !!!!!!!

I am now MAD at DH because I think this proves my point. AND it made me feel like shit! I've spent my whole life fighting feelings of shame about my body. I just don't want my 2 year old thinking in terms of body shape and body image and I'd rather she didn't get these sorts of images from her home life.

Before I start a mjor row, am I being unreasonable? Am I just projecting my own obsession?!

Weirdly enough I didn't issue my own corresponding rules. The joke is that he has actually put on loads of weight since we got married (he was a 28" waist, now a 32") but considering he's 6 foot and got broad shoulders he actually looks better for it! I'm the same size I've always been.

I think bald and impotent would be high-time for a fling, but he's 36 and shows no signs of either yet

I take it that he's 'allowed' an affair, and you are 'allowed' to kill him for it?

Actually thinking about it,there was no "allowed" about it, he kind of announced his intentions. "You know i'll have an affair if you get fat, don't you? you know, like a size 12 or something".

I blame evil MIL, she's downright scrawny and he thinks all women are supposed to be like that.

I'm with you too on this morningpaper. As for the "having an affair if you get to a size 12" ml - give him a sharp cuff round the head from me please. I do hope it's a joke.

You should demand an affair if he gets dull / watches too much sport / puts on weight / buys you an electrical appliance for birthday or christmas / forgets anniversaries / loses hair or grows it from his nose

marialuisa

I cannot believe anybody's partner would talk to them like that

of all the egotistical, selfish, arrogant, disgusting .. arse of a bloke .. I'm sure you love him very much .. but that's beneath contempt

Morningpaper - I really sympathise with you over this one. I would not have chosen the book, and if DP had, he would have been geeing DS up to say all kinds of things to me about wobbly bits, and I would be gritting my teeth.
But since the deed is done, I think the best tactic is to let it slide out of the picture with as little fuss as possible.

I censor 'Owl Babies' - in our house it's Father Owl who leaves them alone while they go to work - I can't stand the guilt!

Well, he's not alone in his views, some of his friends take even more extreme views. Can think of one guy who monitored his DW's weight like a hawk throughout her pregnancy, and no, he's no adonis and sadly I'm no model but hey!

It really is one of the very few attitudes he's inherited from his mother. She used to stop him eating as a kid so he wouldn't get fat and embarrass her. Very glad we have no contact as she used to go on about DD being obese when DD was 12 months old. I suspect in RL I would have to be somewhat bigger than a size 12 for him to stray but I'm not going to pretend that he'd fancy me whatever my size. I'm not sure it makes him a bad person either-we all have "types", don't we?

interestingly I read most of this thread before I realised that we HAVE that book at home! (a present actually, and its a big book with several Large family stories). I don't like them tbh, not so much because of the dieting but because they are generally very gender stereotyped and I don't like the picture of family life they create (Mrs Large stays home and does all the domestic work for her 4 kids, Mr LArge is grumpy and remote and comes home exhausted from the office; Mrs Large looks forward to Mr Large's works night out as the highlight of her annual social calendar etc etc etc....)
Haven't censored them though. Actually I think the stuff about dieting probably went right over ds1's head.

He seriously thinks size 12 is fat? Crikey, I'm in trouble then . I think he needs a little reality check.

I would be disturbed if dh brought home a book for my 3.5 year old that had anything to do with dieting, or showed being fat (or being a different colour, race, religion blah blah blah) in a negative light. At the moment dd thinks everyone is lovely, regardless of shape, size or colour, and I wouldn't thank anyone for bringing anything into my home that implied otherwise.

She does know that I'm fat (it's fairly hard to miss), but because I've never made a big thing of it, she doesn't either.