Second marriage with attractive amazing man - is this ever possible?!

[rolvus]

I've recently separated. I'm acutely aware that at my age (mid 40's) absolutely all the decent men will be married. I'm attractive, nice and reasonably successful. Is it possible to meet somebody the same? I meet lovely men, but obviously the good men are married. I left DH as he was unfaithful. But I feel it's less likely for a woman to be unfaithful to an attractive, good man?

I'm acutely aware that at my age (mid 40's) absolutely all the decent men will be married

why 🤔

many women here are single
and we are decent

so stands to reason there will be single decent men too surely

I don't think many single men in their 40s are looking for marriage. They might be decent dating, even relationship material, but especially those who've been "burned" (in their minds) by divorce aren't in a rush to marry again.

The only exception might be those looking to have children.

What I'm finding is that middle aged men aren't looking for women their own age though.

Apparently most are already 'coupled up' in their 40s as one of my friends puts it. So there's a smaller pool of eternally single, divorced, separated etc left. I'm just repeating what others have said, sorry

I'm going to try dating in this age range this year (separated for a couple of years now), my comfort zone age range will probably be six years younger or older at most.

Do you have any update? @rolvus

I'd feel sorry for anyone who dates my late 40s ex. Outwardly possibly charming to some, but habitual liar and alcoholic with a bad temper.

I met my partner when we were both in our mid 40's, both had been married previously and we are due to get married next year. We love each other deeply, I fancy him like crazy and we are so very happy together. So yes, you can.

Sorry to write as a man.
Of course, I am biased when I agree, but I do. I think men and women have a more similar experience than we realise perhaps.
My first marriage would have been one where MN considered me abusive and selfish, but it was also one where I did 90% of the housework, all the admin, was the only one who worked, where the conversation was only about her needs, was sexless (her choice) and childless (her choice).
Frankly, afterwards, I was not looking for a serious relationship whereas she did. Were I to expect relationships to be all about my needs, I would have been keen on one. My point it, it is the selfish people who are most entitled in relationships who tend to most enthusiastically look to date again. And the ones who are most deluded as to how much of a catch they are that stay on that market.
Unfortunately, that does mean that decent middle aged partners are likely to be very wary of relationship. The other group out there on the dating scene are those who cannot imagine life on their own, and there are more of them than will admit it.
Not all the good men are married, but few of them are on the dating scene.

Definitely possible, I found one! We're both divorced and he's freaking amazing. Such a kind, lovely man who has so much going for him. Actually still have to pinch myself when I realise he's mine sometimes 😂

After 8 years single, I my met soon to be DH 3 years ago, aged 39.

He's kind, lovely, treats me well, attractive.

We have a good life together especially now my DC are older

It is possible, but the online dating world was hell leading up to meeting him,

Incidentally I met him
In the local pub, not online

Met my partner post divorce when I was 43. He was 50. Seven years on he's still lovely and all the things you mention so if course it's possible! Best of luck OP x

My Mum met her second husband in her late 40s. He's a good man and she certainly found him attractive. He was single because his wife had cheated on him so he left her.

They met due to mutual friends deciding they'd be a good match so tried to get them both in the pub at the same time.

You do know not all women are angels don’t you and neither are all men nightmares? On MN all women are the innocent party. I know lots of divorced women, they’re lovely but I can see some of them would be a bloody nightmare to be married to

This will sound smug as hell but I'm on my second marriage to such a man. He's attractive, successful, funny and kind. I feel very lucky. His first wife cheated on him with a b list celebrity and by all accounts and from what I've seen is not a very nice person.He wasn't at fault in the end of heir marriage by all accounts.
Of course he has a bit of emotional baggage but nothing major and so do we all into our fourties I would think.

Is he on here? I’ve literally just read a post from a man who’s wife cheated on him with a “celebrity!”

It’s heartening to read some of the stories on here but I do think you have to remember that divorced people in the dating scene again will always paint a sanitised view of what happened in their marriage to favour themselves. I’d be very wary of men stating their exes were nasty cheats who treated them horribly. I’ve a feeling my dh would say the same about me if he found someone else. What he would omit to tell them is that he’s an abusive, misogynistic liar who had many financial issues that he hid from me, his wife, until it all came falling down around their ears. That he put me through years of financial abuse and was a champion gaslighter. Also that he often coerced me into doing things in bed i wasn’t comfortable with in order to keep him happy and was found more than once on dating sites/only fans type porn. He is good looking and can be charming and would probably flash the cash at first like he did with me and seem like a great catch.

I do have a negative view of men in general I’m afraid and would be very wary of dating again. I’d assume I’m going to be let down again at some point.

As a nearly mid 40s woman who’s been single in my 40s, I have given up hope on meeting any man who is close to my age (ie no -10 or +10 years) and who is interested in a relationship.

I have dated a few people I met on OLD but they were all either commitmentphobes or players or simply looking for casual dating. I have a therapist as I thought I was the reason but I think this is reflective of the dating scene today. Realistically you may be lucky to meet someone through a hobby or family or friends, or your kids, as I have heard of such stories, and there are stories of people in their 40s on OLD, but I personally haven’t had any luck. The only people I meet IRL are either in their 20-30s or more than ten years older.

My 40s friends met either much younger or much older partners, which gives rise to other challenges, but none in their 40s.

@occhiazzurri, I think you are sensible and everything matches my experience. Someone around 40+ and looking for a serious relationship is an amber flag in itself. The decent partners who have been burnt tend not to be looking for serious relationships, either withdrawing or looking for flings. I did find a serious and special relationship, but there is more than ten years age gap.

12 years ago, I met DH after being separated from my ex for 6 weeks. He had been separated from his ex for 8 weeks after a 23-year relationship. I was 42 at the time and had 2 young children; he had a puppy. He was, and still is, attractive, interesting, kind and supportive. We fell in love and eventually got married a year and a half ago. He is the love of my life. I couldn't believe it took me so long to meet meet the right person after a string of unsuccessful relationships with inappropriate men through my 20s and early 30s, one of whom I made the mistake of marrying. I think there was some luck involved, including being in the right place at the right time. We met through OLD, where I realise many more inappropriate men reside, but thankfully, he wasn't one of them! We enjoy the free time we have together now my older teens are almost independent and have their own lives, with one at uni and the other at 6th form.

I remarried ( along time ago) after a divorce, to a man in his forties who was divorced simply beacuse they had grown apart. V amicable with his ex, they simply both realised they shouldn't be together. He's lovely. The perfect match for me.