Second marriage with attractive amazing man - is this ever possible?!

[rolvus]

I've recently separated. I'm acutely aware that at my age (mid 40's) absolutely all the decent men will be married. I'm attractive, nice and reasonably successful. Is it possible to meet somebody the same? I meet lovely men, but obviously the good men are married. I left DH as he was unfaithful. But I feel it's less likely for a woman to be unfaithful to an attractive, good man?

Online dating... kissed lots of frogs and kicked lots of tyres!! Perservere... you have to have a thick skin sometimes but it can be worth it 😊

Absolutely possible. I was on dating sites at 50 and met some really lovely guys. Seem to be plenty in my area.

My mum was widowed in her 50’s. Subsequently met a lovely man and they were together for almost 30 years before he passed away suddenly. So yes it is possible.

I’m thinking it’s possible based on my experience but I’ll give it a bit longer before I confirm for sure 😂

OP I met a lovely man from a dating site (late 40s, divorced). Before then I met some interesting people. My goal never was to rush into another relationship. I'd already had children too so that wasn't a motivator either. Instead, I took my time, enjoyed my new found freedom and did things that I could never of imagined while being married. There is no rush.

They're not MN.

And it's an acquaintance, and a relative.

*not on MN

Yup I found a lovely guy at 43 (3 years ago). On OK Cupid, I recommend it as you can see questions about their opinions and attitudes, not just photos. Just as you yourself are a nice reasonable person who's now single again, there are a lot of blokes like that too, in my opinion. My must have criteria were: honest, sexually compatible and attractive, earns own living, funny, sweet and caring, has a functional life (eg job, friends, social life), keeps fit, is open to adventures and travelling (not someone very stuck in their ways). I preferred someone with a kid/kids as I have kids (helps to moan about our teens together). You can't literally have everything in one person (as they can't with you), so he lives 2 hours away and isn't into classical music/literature) like me, but those are either temporary conditions or ones I can live with. I do recommend online dating as it simply widens the pool, all the decent guys with jobs are not going to be hanging around bars in the evening (unless you can take up a hobby)..Good luck!

My Mum met my Stepdad at around 45, and he was definitely a good catch. He's kind, funny, absolutely besotted with her. He was single because his first wife had an affair.

My Mum died a few years ago, so he's on the market again at the mo. He's dated a bit, but not found anyone yet

I would say try to expand your network through social activities, running groups/sports clubs and work and kids (if you have kids). Plenty has been posted about OLD which is primarily married men looking to cheat, divorced men looking for casual sex and players/narcissists. Most divorced men who are busy professionals have little time for anything other than casual sex and also have very little disposable income after paying school fees and alimony etc. Whilst plenty of people have posted about having met someone at than or later age, I don’t have examples from my single friends who are early 40s, professional, very attractive/fit, and have struggled to find any relationships in a large metropolitan area. There are about 10 of them, some have kids, others don’t, and they have remained single for 5+ years. Only one acquaintance found a partner through a professional network but he is 60+ (17 year difference) and has grown children/is now retired so he has more free time etc.

I know a number of really good men in their 40s who became single. A couple are widowers and several others had just married the wrong woman amd split amicably. It happens. They're not all dumped for cheating and so on.

I did. I fled domestic abuse 23 years ago. We walked the fires of hell in the aftermath. We went through the whole system of this country, including social services, hidden homelessness, and more.

My 2nd husband had never married. He stopped at home to give his parents a life as he was the eldest of 5. His dad was a very poorly man.

He took me on, my 4 and the aftermath. He is my husband, soul mate, best friend, and the dad he didn't have to be to my/our 4

If I can meet Mr. right with my background, anyone can. Take heart and good luck

Been in a relationship with a lovely man for 2.5 years now following my ex leaving me in 2019. I’m 51.

I am the second wife of a handsome and really nice 6'4 man whose wife was shagging a couple of men in the village. He was my 14th date on match.com. You need to get through a lot of frogs. Keep going

Several of my friends have found really lovely guys after their first failed marriages. Definitely possible!

Sometimes, even when someone wasn't an angel in their first marriage, they learn from their mistakes and make wiser choices in midlife than in their 20s.

This is a really interesting thread. I got divorced at 39 with small kids. Didn’t date for about 3 years, did therapy, built new friendships, career etc. Eventually did some online dating but hated it. Kissed a few frogs I met on nights out etc.

Then I met someone and fell head over heels. Handsome, solvent, great fun, caring, local, similar interests etc. He is also divorced with kids. We gradually introduced the kids etc but decided not to live together until kids were older. I loved him with all my heart.

Now, 6 years down the line he has just admitted he’s been cheating and has ended our relationship. I am devastated as I never saw it coming, I genuinely thought everything was great. So if I’d been replying to this post two months ago I’d have said absolutely, there are great men out there. I was happier in that relationship than I had ever been in my marriage, I thought he was my soulmate and we’d grow old together m. I felt so lucky to have a second chance.

But now, in my late forties I am single again and wondering if I should just give up on relationships. I don’t know if I’d have the emotional energy to go through the hassle of dating again, or the strength to cope with another failed relationship. I also don’t want to introduce my kids to anyone else. It’s still very raw and maybe I’ll feel differently when more time has passed but the single men I know are all single for a reason, I genuinely can’t think of any I’d set a friend up with so I do wonder if a decent single man in his forties is a very rare thing.

Yes trouble is I'm not sure I believe that and even if it were true, then I'm the honest one and not willing to waste another decade to find out they're not.

I met my dp 3 years ago. He's wonderful. We're both 41 and getting married next year. He's never been married before (I have) he doesn't have his own children either.

So it is possible

I met my DH at 42, nearly 12 years ago. We were both very recently separated after long marriages to our exes.

I sometimes joke with him that I was lucky, someone else would have snapped him up quickly if he'd been out there much longer.

But seriously, it is possible, I did. We met through OLD, both really just trying it out to see what it was like. He is the love of my life and we haveveverything I ever wanted in a relationship.

Not sure if either my age/life situation/ attractiveness has had much impact on the quality of my relationships though. All of those were better in my 20s and early 30s but was unable to meet anyone who was right for me.

Then I did at 42 with 2 young kids, a messy divorce to deal with and only working part time, having left my main career after kids were born. And it worked out. Life is full of mysteries!

The fact is that every divorced man is not a liar, degenerate etc etc . Does the word "divorced" imply that? If so does it say the same for every divorced woman? It doesn't make sense to think like that.

Some people just don't make it as couples for ever and ever - they have their time. They change, they grow out of each other , it gets bad. People can learn from previous relationships - isn't that what we all have been doing since we first started having relationships? Looking to find a better or more suitable one? I am on my second marriage , learnt my lessons from the first one and now am happier than I ever was.

Well could the men not say the same thing? That all the 'good' women are married?

In my experience, they do. But they tend to mean "young, slim and stunning". And they don't tend to complain that they're married, just that they don't want to date these men.

Couldn’t agree more with this post. Divorced 40-50 year olds are mainly complaining that women 5-10-15 years who are athletic/fit/attractive/child free aren’t (always) interested in them.

Yes me. I met him when i was 31 (and separated) and he was 38.