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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else find TikTok super triggering?

39 replies

missjubilant · 04/05/2023 12:00

I get major anxiety around relationships in general anyway, but TikTok and other social media is just awful.

I have a really loving boyfriend, but it always makes me second guess myself. For example I see a video about how lovely someone’s boyfriend was, but then they find out they were cheating or watching porn or looking at other women.
And all the comments are the same:
”if your partner tells you he doesn’t look at other women, he’s lying”
”they don’t stop; they just get better at hiding it”
“all boys do it”
”I thought mine was different until I checked his phone”
”mine was amazing until I searched his history”

And it’s every single comment. Which makes me believe my boyfriend must be the same, must hide things really well etc. I have no reason to doubt my boyfriend but that just makes me think he must be sneaky.

It’s honestly doing me in. And there’s so many. I don’t want to delete TikTok because I use it for make up tips etc but I know that’s the obvious answer.

Does anyone feel the same??

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 04/05/2023 12:02

If I were you I'd delete the app. This isn't healthy or normal.

Shoxfordian · 04/05/2023 12:04

Either delete it or mark those videos as ones you don’t want to see/scroll past them

Rosequartz7 · 04/05/2023 12:04

Delete Tik Tok. Make up tips dont sound worth getting so upset by these suggestions. Look after your mental health 💜

BonjourCrisette · 04/05/2023 12:07

Stop watching these videos. Tiktok is toxic and bad for your mental health.

Original poster
missjubilant · 04/05/2023 12:08

It just makes me think if so many people can relate, it must be true lol. Sounds so awful but it’s always when I’m feeling secure and then a comment says “if your partner doesn’t do this.. he’s lying” or “never check your partners phone” so it makes me paranoid that he must be doing it secretly

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 04/05/2023 12:09

You can watch make up tutorials on YouTube.

JorisBonson · 04/05/2023 12:10

He's not. Stop looking at these videos. If I saw something like that I'd scroll on by, not start questioning a man who has given me no reason to doubt him.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 04/05/2023 12:12

I'm a man and I honestly don't watch porn (I used to watch occasionally but I quit a while ago) and I've never lied to my wife about anything. Some guys genuinely don't do these things (but some other guys do, of course.) Hopefully your boyfriend genuinely is one of the good guys!

Nimblesandbimbles · 04/05/2023 12:13

As pp said look on YouTube for make up tutorials. I find all social media bad for this & am much happier since I deleted it. That being said if I spend too long on the relationships board of mumsnet I think a similar thing can happen! But at least you get (mostly) measured & sensible advice.

JupiterFortified · 04/05/2023 12:13

Just delete TikTok. There are loads of makeup tutorials on YouTube and Instagram. Just follow makeup artists on insta. This level of worry isn’t normal op.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 04/05/2023 12:15

TikTok isn’t real.

I’m somehow on gay TikTok despite being straight.

Find videos you’re interested in and eventually TikTok will show you more of the same.

Pixiedust1234 · 04/05/2023 12:17

Stop looking at them to allow tiktok to recalibrate. Every now and then DDs account takes a "dark" turn so she deliberately doesn't go on the app for a few says and doesn't click on anything except cute kittens. After a while it returns to her normal likes.

Its a thing apparently, happens to a lot of people.

AllOfThemWitches · 04/05/2023 12:17

Mumsnet can be as bad imo.

YouAndICollide · 04/05/2023 12:22

How old are you? This all sounds very young and teenage like. Get your head into the real world and look at what’s happening in your relationship. If you’re doubting you’re partner, be honest and address it with him.

The relationship stuff I’ve seen on there is all so dramatic and like watching love island. Not something to base your life on.

I use tiktok for cute animals mostly. 😅

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 04/05/2023 12:24

I’ve never been on tiktok, ever.

Redebs · 04/05/2023 12:28

The longer you linger on a TikTok video, the more similar content it will show you. It's extremely bad for your mental health. It can snow you under with insecurities and fears.

Stop using it. Or at least swipe away immediately from anything relationship themed. It will get the message and you'll get more make-up and less angst.

Don't let it control you.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 04/05/2023 12:33

I don't think it's a social media problem, very kindly. If it's affecting your mental health, the first step is to delete it.

JengaCupboard · 04/05/2023 12:34

It isn't 'everyone' though is it - it's only the people with relatable experiences. There are lots of good guys out there who don't behave like dicks and actually know how to be in a functioning relationship, it's just that nobody has the need to post about them on social media because it's not click-batey.

Think about review sites - people only review if they're super happy or super unhappy - barely anyone reviews if they have a totally fine experience. And these relationship issues are the same - yes there are shitty people out there, but it absolutely isn't everyone.

If your relationship is generally good, stop comparing it to an unrealistic, biased strangers on the internet! It will do you no good!

Twitch45 · 04/05/2023 12:47

If it helps to hear...
My DH doesn't use porn. He doesn't message other women or use dating apps. If I looked at his phone (which I could, I know his passcode), I wouldn't find anything untoward. He's a good man.
It's sensible to be aware of 'red flags' etc but please don't let the negative experiences of others destroy your happy relationship!

yellowsmileyface · 04/05/2023 12:51

@JengaCupboard is absolutely right. The relationships board on here is another perfect example of that. People criticize MN for jumping to "LTB", but that's because the majority of people who post here are actually in hopeless relationships. Spending a lot of time reading these threads can get pretty disheartening and it might seem like all relationships are awful. But you have to remember that only the people with a problem post in the first place. People seldom post to brag about how wonderful and healthy their relationship is.

I think you have to ask yourself whether the positives you're getting from tiktok outweigh the negatives. From my perspective, it wouldn't be worth giving myself anxiety just for some makeup tips when there are plenty of other resources for that.

Bimbom · 04/05/2023 12:55

Just change your algorithm. The longer you watch these videos for/read the comments, the more of them you'll see. Each time one comes up, long press and click not interested. Actively search up the makeup videos you want to look at. It'll change pretty much immediately.

3FriendsAndADog · 04/05/2023 12:59

I think the rules here is the same for any SM and any subject.
If you find it triggering, upsetting, creating anxiety, STOP watching/reading.

I had similar issues with Twitter and the war inUkraine when it first started. For various reasons, posts were very triggering for me. So I scrolled past them, mute the ‘worst offenders’ (as in they were posting a lot about it) etc… The algorithm did the rest and I never saw posts like this anymore. Still don’t.

In your case, the more you watch those videos instead of scrolling past, the more you read the comments, the more TikTok i s going to show you those!!

Hairday · 04/05/2023 13:05

I get babies being funny, kids doing skateboard tricks and pranking strangers on my tiktok. I get nothing like you're describing. It's the algorithm, and the algorithm could do with some improvement!

Yes, hop off social media. At the same time, you must have been drawn to those videos for a reason. What was it? Trust your (real world) instincts

JaneJeffer · 04/05/2023 13:10

if your partner tells you he doesn’t look at other women, he’s lying
Well that's definitely true and the same applies to women.

AllOfThemWitches · 04/05/2023 13:11

JaneJeffer · 04/05/2023 13:10

if your partner tells you he doesn’t look at other women, he’s lying
Well that's definitely true and the same applies to women.

I don't look at other men. I can see when one is objectively attractive but I don't think I'd like to sleep with him.