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Original poster

Pay rise

39 replies

Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 09:03

Could I ask you lovely people if you would be pissed off if your husband of 5 years ( 2nd time round for both of us ) received a payrise of 5% more than 6 months ago but didn’t say anything ??
we are both financially independent he earns significantly more than me as I work part time. I Just thought he should have mentioned it.

OP posts:
vix_85 · 04/05/2023 09:16

He definitely should have mentioned it....you're married!

SpringleDingle · 04/05/2023 09:17

5% just tends to disappear once you remove 50% for tax and NI and then spread it across 12 months. What is your objection to him not telling you? I think it depends on how you manage your finances together and whether the extra 100/200 quid should have been coming into the family pot and that you needed that money for something. Is the issue that he's been spending the extra on nice things for himself instead of on family expenses?

Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 09:32

vix_85 · 04/05/2023 09:16

He definitely should have mentioned it....you're married!

No not all. Hes always moaning about how much things cost, bills etc…… but never mentioned the pay-rise. I just find it odd. I wouldn’t have asked him for anything just thought he would mention it.

OP posts:
forgotname · 04/05/2023 09:36

Bet you would have asked which is why you're pissed and probably why he didn't mention it

Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 09:43

SpringleDingle · 04/05/2023 09:17

5% just tends to disappear once you remove 50% for tax and NI and then spread it across 12 months. What is your objection to him not telling you? I think it depends on how you manage your finances together and whether the extra 100/200 quid should have been coming into the family pot and that you needed that money for something. Is the issue that he's been spending the extra on nice things for himself instead of on family expenses?

No not all. Hes always moaning about how much things cost, bills etc…… but never mentioned the pay-rise. I just find it odd. I wouldn’t have asked him for anything just thought he would mention it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 09:43

vix_85 · 04/05/2023 09:16

He definitely should have mentioned it....you're married!

Thank you

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2023 09:47

I don't think I'd bother mentioning this either. If all bills are paid and you're financially independent, it's not particularly relevant or interesting. With col increase, 5% isn't a pay rise.

KenAddams · 04/05/2023 09:50

I got a 7.5 pay rise and didn't tell my husband... wasn't anything sneaky just hardly worth mentioning... and I'm forever moaning at the cost of things

vix_85 · 04/05/2023 10:01

Me and my husband tell eachother everything but maybe not everyone is the same. These days, any payrise should be celebrated and surely that's with your nearest and dearest 🤷‍♀️

PainAuChocowhat · 04/05/2023 10:01

It wouldn’t cross my mind that he should mention it let alone be pissed off, unless he wasn’t contributing effectively to the household. I had a 5% pay rise at the start of April and haven’t mentioned it to DH.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/05/2023 10:11

It might occur to me to mention a pay rise, it might not. How did you find out?

Opentooffers · 04/05/2023 10:19

Nope, don't think it's a significant to say. What is more of an issue is being 'financially independent' while married, while the whole point of marriage is pooling resources and having equal access to money, otherwise, might as well not be married.
If he earns much more he should pay out to the level where you both have the same disposable money after bills every month - especially if working part time due to DC, otherwise work full time and share everything.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 04/05/2023 10:43

I didn't mention my 6% payrise to my husband.

It's not a large enough sum to make any kind of difference to the ratio of how we split our money (70/30 with me paying most) and will just get swallowed up by the increasing cost of everything.

Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 10:47

arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2023 09:47

I don't think I'd bother mentioning this either. If all bills are paid and you're financially independent, it's not particularly relevant or interesting. With col increase, 5% isn't a pay rise.

Thank you. He also received a 17k bonus which he kept quiet from me at the end of last year. I only found out by accident. I guess with the pay rise now too, I'm just maybe over thinking it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 10:51

forgotname · 04/05/2023 09:36

Bet you would have asked which is why you're pissed and probably why he didn't mention it

I actually wouldn’t. I have my own income, but I have more out goings due to DC

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2023 10:52

Oooh now that's different, I think keeping quiet about a £17k bonus to your spouse is strange.

I don't think my ex would have mentioned either when I was a sahm and he paid for everything and sorted everything financially as because we had plenty of money, and I wanted for nothing, it wasn't relevant.

But I absolutely now with my new partner because we would go wild with a bit of it.

So, my point is, this is very situational dependent.

Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 10:54

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 04/05/2023 10:43

I didn't mention my 6% payrise to my husband.

It's not a large enough sum to make any kind of difference to the ratio of how we split our money (70/30 with me paying most) and will just get swallowed up by the increasing cost of everything.

Thank you. Its the way he behaved when I found out….. he was defensive telling me all the things he had bought recently. That’s not the point I just want a more of a transparent relationship I suppose. He didn’t tell me about a 17k bonus he received at the end of last year either.

OP posts:
HappiestPenguin · 04/05/2023 10:54

What did he do with his bonus? What is the income difference? Are you expected to contribute equally? Why do you work part time but you are financially independent?

Depending on the answers the payrise May be part of a bigger issue. If he spends his bonus in himself and you are left with a couple of hundred quid a month spare that’s different to him paying all the bills/household costs, you contribute a very small amount and it leaves you both with a grand a month spare.

I am the main earner and I share.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2023 10:54

Are they his children too, and do either of these amounts make a big difference to your pot?

PennineWay · 04/05/2023 10:57

Wouldn't think anything of not mentioning the 5% rise really, it could just be standard/ inflationary, most people would get these little rises (you'd hope anyway!)

I only mention mine in the context of moaning that it doesn't match inflation 😂 I think if I was happy with it it would be a non-event.

It is weird that he didn't mention a 17k bonus though.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 04/05/2023 10:57

Not mentioning a below inflation pay rise is no big deal IMHO. Not mentioning a significant bonus absolutely is. However, the biggest concern for me would be that you describe yourselves as financially independent despite being married and him earning significantly more than you. That raises all sorts of red flags for me and I'll be very surprised if it was your idea.

Original poster
Hetty104 · 04/05/2023 11:36

Shinyandnew1 · 04/05/2023 10:11

It might occur to me to mention a pay rise, it might not. How did you find out?

He took a different role in the company and its not going to well. He may need to go back to his old role. And just happened to mention “ i hope they don't take away my 5% pay rise ) do you see what i mean ? hes happy to mention it if he is going to be worse off but not if he was going to be better off each month.

OP posts:
BranchGold · 04/05/2023 11:38

Are the children jointly of the marriage or from a previous relationship?

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 04/05/2023 11:46

The answer very much depends on how much you both contribute to the household. If you both contribute an agreed percentage of your wages then you both must be transparent about income.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/05/2023 11:58

I find it really odd all the posters who wouldn't / haven't mentioned pay rises.

Yes, they might be small but they are still a rise, which will have some impact on your finances, even if small.

Secondly it just sounds odd not to share it as a conversational item / general update.

In your case OP, he's clearly defensive and has a habit of concealing larger pay increases / bonus payments so this would be a concern.

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