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Original poster

Husband has never seemed interested in seeing me naked

31 replies

AminaJ · 03/05/2023 00:21

My husband isn't very interested in seeing me naked.

And come to think of it, he never really has been, since we were dating. He talks about how he finds me attractive though.

I'm a size 12 (not that size should matter, given all sizes/shapes are attractive to different people), with a fair amount of cellulite on the thighs. I've always been self-conscious about my body, since I was about as aged 12 - and I'm now in my mid 30s. I've never been thin and have a curvy shape with some wobbly bits.

He also doesn't like me seeing him naked when walking round the room. I often tell him I like seeing him naked, and that it would be nice if we could both be more relaxed

But he never says back to me that he wants to see me naked more. This makes me even more self conscious. I feel like he'd rather not see me naked. So I tend to hide when getting dressed etc.

I find it weird that we only see each other naked under the covers. I wish we could both be relaxed.

Is this at all normal??

We don't yet have kids, but am thinking it would feel weird when I'm hiding my naked pregnant body.

I thought this would become more relaxed with time, but it hasn't.

OP posts:
primoseyellow · 03/05/2023 03:16

Is it something to do with his upbringing, strict rules from parents? Or is there a religious aspect to it from his childhood?

What does he say when you mention it?

MintyBinty · 03/05/2023 03:27

That’s odd. He must have some kind of hang up. I’d want to know why

MintJulia · 03/05/2023 03:45

primoseyellow · 03/05/2023 03:16

Is it something to do with his upbringing, strict rules from parents? Or is there a religious aspect to it from his childhood?

What does he say when you mention it?

Probably this. Sounds like an over-diligent attitude during childhood has left him feeling uneasy with nakedness. I wouldn't make a big thing of it or you'll make him feel worse.

I'd just be chilled about it, day to day and see if he relaxes over time.

gerbilcrocus · 03/05/2023 08:49

I'm going to take a punt and guess that your sex life isn't exactly sizzling...

Greenfairydust · 03/05/2023 09:05
  • religious upbringing and being told the body and sex are ''dirty''
  • he is not that into you or women in general
  • you are actually being too pushy about it/ a bit of a naturist (some people just don't like walking around the house) and this is putting him off.

Anyway, a sign that you might simply not be compatible.

I assume you knew about this side of his personality before you married him? That would have been the time to address this...

YouAreNotBatman · 03/05/2023 09:07

I don’t think the ’normal’ is a healthy view to have, we’re all so different.
To me, he sounds really great.
But if you’re not happy, perhaps you two are incompatible abd you should set him free so that some lucky woman could find him.

Seaoftroubles · 03/05/2023 09:15

It will most likely be due to his upbringing, his childhood experiences or perhaps an early incident in his life that caused shame or embarrassment. Or maybe he is just shy an/or lacking in confidence. As long as you have a good relationship and all is good with your sex life then just be yourself and don't make a big deal out if it.

YouAreNotBatman · 03/05/2023 09:20

Not everyone cares for nudity.
That’s totally ok and ’normal’, no need to shame him.

Kindledino · 03/05/2023 09:30

I think there is probably a certain amount of your own insecurity affecting this also.

You say he never SAYS he wants to see you naked, that doesn't mean he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't want to put you under pressure as he knows you are not confident about your body. Let's face it, if he told he wished you walked around naked more often it probably wouldn't go down well.

You also say "I feel like he'd rather not see me naked" again, he hasn't actually said this. He sees you hiding away and assumes you would prefer you not to see him, so he doesn't ask. He says he finds you attractive yet you don't seem to believe him, that's not entirely his fault!

He may well be a bit on the insecure side himself, but I really think you need a conversation here. It may well be that he'd love to see you naked but is being kind and respectful, which is not a bad thing!

OakElmAsh · 03/05/2023 09:43

Wandering around naked just isn't something me & DH are comfortable with at all ... no problem when we're getting in/out of the shower, getting dressed or whatever, and obviously DTD, but other than that neither of us want to be naked. We've never had a conversation about it either, its just been a natural way of acting. sounds like you would be more comfortable naked than he is naturally, but neither of these are "wrong"

Eggseggseverywhere · 03/05/2023 09:47

My ex was raised Catholic by a dm odd about nudity. As in dc couldn't be nappy - free or he would get sexual feelings
.
First time dh saw my fanjo was during the birth of our first dc...

gerbilcrocus · 03/05/2023 10:35

Eggseggseverywhere · 03/05/2023 09:47

My ex was raised Catholic by a dm odd about nudity. As in dc couldn't be nappy - free or he would get sexual feelings
.
First time dh saw my fanjo was during the birth of our first dc...

Wtaf? He thought she'd get sexual feelings if he saw a baby without a nappy? Have I read that right? I'm glad he's your ex. He clearly has majorly serious issues.

Well, it's one way of getting out of changing your kids' nappies or bathing them I suppose. Hmm

user1497782758 · 03/05/2023 10:58

Maybe he's sensing your insecurities and thinks that it will make you feel uncomfortable if he sees you naked

QueefQueen80s · 03/05/2023 11:03

How is he with intimacy in general? Me and ex had good sex life, he was always dry humping and touching me, hugging etc but we never went on about seeing each other naked.

Lcb123 · 03/05/2023 11:07

If your relationship/ intimacy generally is good, I wouldn’t be too concerned. Me and DH generally wouldn’t be naked apart from changing/after shower and sex, it’s just not something either of us are comfortable with

StarlightLady · 03/05/2023 11:35

As someone who is relaxed about being naked and not that bothered who sees me (both parents were naturists), I find this odd. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and for us to enjoy.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 03/05/2023 11:41

I wouldn't say that I was in the category of being a naturist, but I have never been shy about anyone I was sleeping with seeing me naked, and vice versa. I would say that this was unusual.

Oojamaflipp · 03/05/2023 11:46

gerbilcrocus · 03/05/2023 10:35

Wtaf? He thought she'd get sexual feelings if he saw a baby without a nappy? Have I read that right? I'm glad he's your ex. He clearly has majorly serious issues.

Well, it's one way of getting out of changing your kids' nappies or bathing them I suppose. Hmm

Show quote history

I read that as the ex‘s mother thought that babies couldn‘t be nappy free because she thought the ex would get sexual feelings, not that he actually did get those feelings?! May have misunderstood though!

itsabigtree · 03/05/2023 12:01

Eggseggseverywhere · 03/05/2023 09:47

My ex was raised Catholic by a dm odd about nudity. As in dc couldn't be nappy - free or he would get sexual feelings
.
First time dh saw my fanjo was during the birth of our first dc...

What the hell!

retinolalcohol · 03/05/2023 12:02

Some people just aren't the 'naked' type. I would never just walk around the house starkers and most of the time don't particularly appreciate a partner coming in whilst I'm showering etc

And weirdly it's nothing to do with body confidence - on the whole I love my body. I just don't like to feel exposed with no context. I was seeing a man once who tried to force 'chilling' naked upon me and he was quickly history.

I also wouldn't really ever feel an urge to see a partner naked outside of sex. It's just not really natural to some of us!

retinolalcohol · 03/05/2023 12:06

Also nothing to do with a religious, strict or uptight upbringing. In fact I could still walk into the bathroom whilst my mother is having a bath now and neither of us would bat an eyelid - that's how normal 'nakedness' was for me growing up.

Still don't care for it as an adult!

PaintedEgg · 03/05/2023 12:07

if he is not the type to be seen naked then maybe he's simply a bit prudish? if this is the case he probably won't tell you he likes seeing you naked - even if he does :)

Eggseggseverywhere · 03/05/2023 12:21

To clarify the dc would get sexual feelings if his own nappy was off.
One of a few batshit ideas she had...

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/05/2023 12:32

Lcb123 · 03/05/2023 11:07

If your relationship/ intimacy generally is good, I wouldn’t be too concerned. Me and DH generally wouldn’t be naked apart from changing/after shower and sex, it’s just not something either of us are comfortable with

Same here. I like a bit of mystery; not the "let it all hang out" type.

TedMullins · 03/05/2023 12:39

I don't think either of you are wrong but you're not compatible in this area. I'm definitely a naked type - very comfortable wandering about nude and enjoy 'naked chilling', my partner and I will just be naked on the bed while watching a film and I like it, it's freeing and relaxing. I've dated people who scrambled for their clothes immediately after sex and I always felt kind of rebuffed and disappointed when they did that, like they were ruining the moment and putting a barrier between us. I didn't say anything (nor would I insist anyone was naked if they weren't comfortable) but I'd feel the same as you OP, within a relationship it would feel like a kind of rejection.