Sex

[AsLongAsIHaveMyTea]

Is it easier just to have sex with your husband so that they don’t sulk the next day? My husband and I haven’t been getting along great and the last couple of nights he’s come to bed and wanted to have sex. I haven’t been in the mood because we haven’t getting along and also I’ve been getting over an illness. Now I’ve had to go through a day of awful sulking, bad temper and snappiness. I think it would have just been easier to have sex!

The sulking over not getting his knob wet would make my fanny slam shut.

Why would you want to have sex if you haven't been getting along and you have been unwell? He's quite happy to want sex from an unwilling partner...gross.

Perhaps speak to your husband about it after he has stopped sulking and had a wank.

It’s coercive control and he’s manipulating you op. There’s a word for men like him

This 100%

It might stop the sulking but very quickly you will find that it destroys any desire you may have had for him.

You will feel on edge any time he touches you as you think you might have to have sex you don’t want. Normal affection from him will become threatening.

Hearing his key in the door will make you feel sick with dread.

Honestly it will make things 100 times worse

@Yetanothernamechangeagain Me too. Long before rape in marriage was mooted I used to say to him 'how can I say yes if I can't say no' After the umpteenth time of me saying I didn't like being groped, he said 'one day I'll stop doing it' and he did. He didn't seem to understand the difference between what he was doing and a caress. C'est la vie.

Sulking really is not acceptable behaviour in an adult. Particularly odious about sex, but generally

Ugh. Just ugh.

It is a way to control you. Or at least try and control you. Try your very best to not notice it, just ignore the sulking and carry on.

But honestly, it isn't going to get any better.

Yes it is not going to get any better. Sorry.
Don’t ever give in, you will loathe yourself and him and it won’t fix anything.

How do I manage the silent treatment and the snappiness? I’ve been really nice, made him a coffee, breakfast etc. he won’t even look at me. It’s starting to make me feel panicky, I don’t know why. I’ve apologised to him for making him feel unwanted

In his mind you have rejected him, being nice won't make him see this any differently. Your only option is to talk honestly about how his reaction makes you feel and hope he can see the error in his ways.

Pull him up on it , the childish wanker. Silent treatment and sulking is abuse.

How do I manage the silent treatment and the snappiness?
I got over this by divorcing the partner that did it and finding one that does not.

Are you feeling panicky because you're afraid of him rejecting you? If you have an issue with rejection it might be worth trying to work out where it comes from and sorting it out, as it won't serve you well.

So he feels rejected? The poor love. Has he attempted to talk to you about it, tell you how he feels, ask for ways on how you can take this forward and solve your issues.

Or is he just sulking like a big baby whilst you run around making him breakfast and trying to appease him?

My XH was a sulker and to be honest it sucks the very life out of you.

It's childish of me but can't you ignore him back? That's the only thing that worked with my XH. I just got on with my life and acted like he wasn't there and soon enough he'd think "fuck, my passive aggressive bully boy tactics are not working, I'd better be nice".

But it destroys your love and regard for the man.

Personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who behaves this way - especially if I was feeling unwell. No caring partner would treat you this way.

This treatment is designed to make you panic and reduce you to a quivering wreck and, in future, to do what he wants whether you want to or not. Not just giving in to unwanted sex but to anything else.

Take a look at his ongoing behaviour and how it makes you feel - do you see yourself putting up with this for the rest of your life? 🌹

My ex was like this. I had PND and he was always demanding sex. He'd rip the duvet off me when he'd come up to bed and bollock me for wearing pyjamas as he wanted sex.

I used to sleep in the spare room to get away occasionally. One night I came home from work and he'd taken the bed apart so I had to sleep in the bed with him.

It's sexual coercion and he's a fucking bully!

Why on earth are you apologising to him?

I would tell him straight that silent treatment and sulking is abusive behaviour and tell him to google it if he doesn't believe it is. It is pure manipulation, do what I want or I will punish you with this treatment so you never do it again.

I don't know how a person can not be getting along with someone and expect sex. It shows you exactly how he views you and your body as something to service him. It is depressing.

Why are you rewarding him with breakfast etc when he is being an arse.

I won't tolerate that behaviour. Its grounds for divorce.
Controlling wanker. He isn't entitled to sex with you and the sooner he understands that lousy behaviour doesn't get him sex the better.

🤬🤬😱😱😢
Fucking hell, that's horrific. So glad you said "ex"

By apologising and working hard to reconnect with him you are unfortunately rewarding his sulking behaviour. He's got you where he wants you - feelimg like it is your job to please him meet his expectations.

If he was an emotionally mature adult you could simply ask or tell him to stop his emotionally abusive behavioir - but if he was emotionally mature he wouldn't be giving you the silent treatment in the first place!

It it's not on you to "fix" or cope with such abusive behavior, but ideally you ignore his childish behavioir and show him it is pointless and doesn't get him what he wants (eg. you trying to cheer him up, working hard to get his attention, maybe even considering having sex next time to avoid this punishing behaviour).

You could tell him to cut it out and then leave the house and have a pleasant day, meet a friend or do something you enjoy. He needs to get over himself and then apologize for treating you with such contempt.

It's sexual coercion. I couldn't live with a man who is like this about sex.

You leave. This isn't a relationship. He's making no effort to relate to you. He's making no effort to respect you. He's showing no concern for how you feel, whatsoever.

Why do you want to be with someone who treats you that way?

I did this for many years. It left me with many problems.

That said, if you are the kind of person who puts up with a husband who controls you sexually and emotionally by sulking, silent treatment etc you probably have some issues in the first place (speaking from personal insight).

Get yourself some therapy. I can recommend my therapist if you want to send me a message.

A sulk-free future awaits you.

(In the meantime, let him sulk. It's his problem.)

You let him sulk and snap and stay out of the way, you don’t make him a nice breakfast!

then when he has got over it you tell him some home truths, that you can say no if you are unwell and don’t like it, or would he prefer to rape you? As that is what it is, you don’t want to and feel forced because he sulks

and you tell him that sulking and snapping turns you off even more so stop

I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that nothing will be improving in the bedroom until it improves dramatically and consistently outside of the bedroom.