Really struggling to validate my position and could do with some help figuring it out.
we are due to move to France in 3 months (husband is french, we lived there together for 6 years, we have 2 kids born in France)
Husband is very avoidant when it comes to anything important - fear of failure makes him sort of freeze up and he buries his head in the sand. We both know this and we (mostly me) try and mitigate it by planning ahead and breaking big tasks into smaller ones to make them less terrifying.
anyway, the move has him very very stressed and he is refusing to talk about it, do any planning, organise his work etc.
tonight I tried to talk to him about it, said we have 3 months left so we should start thinking about finding a place to live (we will rent while we look for a place to buy), think about packing, etc.
he is scrolling on his
phone and generally irritated that I’ve brought it up. So I ask when would be a good time to talk about it. He says he doesn’t know. Then I say how should I respond when you say that (I genuinely don’t know) - he says he doesn’t know. I ask when would be a good time to talk about it. He gets annoyed, bangs his hand on the table, says ‘Fine! What do you want to say?!’ I’m taken aback and pause. He carries on ‘Go on then!!!’
I say I’m not wanting to just announce something, just that we should have a conversation and do some planning, or it will be more stressful because everything will be last minute. He says it’s already too late, it will be a shitshow. Gets up, walks out of the room. I give him a couple of minutes then go in and calmly (I was very sure to be calm) tell
him that I think he’s being unreasonable and that his behaviour is upsetting. He laughs facetiously and mutters something like ‘what a surprise’ and leaves the house.
this isn’t an isolated incident, it happens pretty much any time I talk to him about important stuff. In fact pretty much every time I talk to him about anything.
i know he is stressed and I want to support him. I want us to be a team and work together through the challenges. But he always seems to want to set himself against me - like it’s easier for him to blame all his difficulties on me than to actually face up to life.
im trying not to black and white about it but genuinely feel that he doesn’t love me, doesn’t enjoy being part of our family, and just wants to be left alone with his phone.
for context, we both work full time and with two young kids, life can be pretty full on. But we’re not on the breadline and have a lot to be grateful for.
i have lost all sense of perspective on whether I’m being unreasonable or not. He seems convinced that I’m a nagging bitch and that he has done nothing wrong. But his entitlement and disengagement and ingratitude are really getting to me. Am I going crazy???