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Original poster

Off line all weekend except at night...

72 replies

agreenflag · 01/05/2023 14:09

Red flag?
A new guy I'm chatting to on line.
When I asked him after he returned on line from Saturday morning to Sunday night , he said he had been climbing a mountain so had no coverage.
He is off line again since we spoke last night.
Is he In a relationship ?
What else could it be ?

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 01/05/2023 16:38

SequinDiscoBiscuits · 01/05/2023 14:14

I'll tell you what's a red flag, if someone I'd just started chatting to asked why I hadn't been online all weekend. I'd genuinely run a mile.

This. 10x more of a red flag than someone being too busy living his life to log onto an app.

You wouldn't see me for dust if I had so much as a suspicion that someone I was just chatting to had been checking if I'd been online, it's not normal behaviour in any circumstances, but you don't even know him!

ConcernedCatmother · 01/05/2023 16:39

I’m not trying to be rude but I genuinely think you have some work to do on yourself before dating.

Original poster
agreenflag · 01/05/2023 16:42

I clearly do.
The idea that a man with whom I chat with to throughout the day , every day suddenly but consistently
Goes off line at weekends and does not read my message only when he returns at night and in one case not even in that night is unusual to me.
I need to go back to therapy clearly.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 01/05/2023 16:45

agreenflag · 01/05/2023 16:42

I clearly do.
The idea that a man with whom I chat with to throughout the day , every day suddenly but consistently
Goes off line at weekends and does not read my message only when he returns at night and in one case not even in that night is unusual to me.
I need to go back to therapy clearly.

No, when you put it like that it sounds iffy.

Matildahoney · 01/05/2023 16:49

My other half hates being glued to his phone and rarely remembers to switch his data on when he leaves the house! I usually have to message his mate if I need to get hold of him.
We live near the new forest, if we were spending the day there the signal is shocking so we wouldn't be online, it's pretty normal to frequent places where you can't get online/don't have phone signal

nofusspot · 01/05/2023 16:50

Does it even matter? You aren't comfortable so just stop messaging him.

Thatladdo · 01/05/2023 17:12

So he works mon-fri and has his phone with him.
Weekends when he is off, enjoying (or trying to) his free time doesnt answer through the day (what is it exactly he is offline on?) but does at night.
It sounds like he is not dependant on being attatched to his phone 24/7, which is a plus point in a partner surely.
Actualy living life and not just staring at a screen looking at other folk living theirs...

Madness.

Frith2013 · 01/05/2023 17:15

It's a bank holiday.

Maybe he's climbing another mountain.

GodspeedJune · 01/05/2023 17:18

It was a few years ago now but a guy I was seeing did something similar, phone was offline at certain times, evenings IIRC. He had a whole secret life including a baby he hadn’t told me about 🙃

ArcticSkewer · 01/05/2023 17:19

GodspeedJune · 01/05/2023 17:18

It was a few years ago now but a guy I was seeing did something similar, phone was offline at certain times, evenings IIRC. He had a whole secret life including a baby he hadn’t told me about 🙃

Ouch!

Yes, I totally get why op is suspicious as it's exactly the behaviour of a married man who works away weekdays and is home weekends.

As others say, just trust your instincts. You don't need to know why, but you aren't happy. It feels like something is wrong.

QueSyrahSyrah · 01/05/2023 17:38

@agreenflag I think this issue is less about his inconsistency in replying to your messages, and more about you actively and apparently regularly checking if he's online or been online throughout the weekend.

There could be 1000 reasons why he's not (a friend of mine still has a pay and go phone with limited data, so he only uses it when he needs to, otherwise he's only online on WIFI) and if anything having a busy social life that's not being glued to his phone is a green flag.

How many weekends of just chatting has is it been for you to notice a pattern anyway? Have you made any plans to meet in person? Seems like a waste of time if not.

LittleMonks11 · 01/05/2023 17:50

It's weird. Trust your gut.

gannett · 01/05/2023 18:51

agreenflag · 01/05/2023 16:42

I clearly do.
The idea that a man with whom I chat with to throughout the day , every day suddenly but consistently
Goes off line at weekends and does not read my message only when he returns at night and in one case not even in that night is unusual to me.
I need to go back to therapy clearly.

There could be any of a number of reasons why this happens but the more important question is why are you checking in the first place.

Original poster
agreenflag · 01/05/2023 18:55

I was checking to see if he read my message. I don't see this as abnormal.
Are you saying that if you messaged a man that you were actively chatting to daily and his message showed that it hadn't been opened, that you think that's abnormal ?

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 01/05/2023 18:58

agreenflag · 01/05/2023 18:55

I was checking to see if he read my message. I don't see this as abnormal.
Are you saying that if you messaged a man that you were actively chatting to daily and his message showed that it hadn't been opened, that you think that's abnormal ?

It's normal.

Some posters here are perhaps longtime married and not used to the online dating world and messenger apps used when dating.

QueSyrahSyrah · 01/05/2023 19:29

agreenflag · 01/05/2023 18:55

I was checking to see if he read my message. I don't see this as abnormal.
Are you saying that if you messaged a man that you were actively chatting to daily and his message showed that it hadn't been opened, that you think that's abnormal ?

I'd probably just think he was busy enjoying his weekend to be honest.

I used dating apps for years before meeting DH (on an app) for reference.

I wouldn't have noticed it being a consistent weekday / weekend pattern because if they weren't interested in meeting in person within a week I'd un-match.

Watchkeys · 01/05/2023 19:36

agreenflag · 01/05/2023 18:55

I was checking to see if he read my message. I don't see this as abnormal.
Are you saying that if you messaged a man that you were actively chatting to daily and his message showed that it hadn't been opened, that you think that's abnormal ?

I think it's odd to try to work out if it's a 'red flag', rather than work out whether you're ok with it or not. As if there are external rules he's meant to be sticking to, and he's not. He's just being his own bloke. If you want your messages read straight away, or on a schedule of your choice, move on to someone else. It's not a red flag if someone doesn't stick to the routine you expect them to.

LittleMonks11 · 01/05/2023 19:41

What app is it? If he was excited to hear from you and speak with you, he'd be opening your messages. Has he read your last message yet? Maybe he's doing that thing where you can preview a message without showing you've read it to appear 'cool'. It's a bank holiday today so presumably not working. I'm long time married but I did meet my hubbie on a dating site.

Original poster
agreenflag · 01/05/2023 21:14

He's been back earlier.
He was with his family all weekend whom he doesn't see too often.
He just turned his phone off while with them which is fair enough.
I suppose my phone is always on as my kids aren't always with me and WhatsApp goes off all day long.
We've arranged a date but live far away from
Each other so this suits is both.
His phone habits are entirely different to what I've been used to from men in the past so perhaps it's a matter of getting used to a different norm .

OP posts:
Notanothernewname · 01/05/2023 21:17

I was offline all day Saturday,I was out and it's rude to be glued to my phone. I don't think I got back online until 11pm.

Deathbyfluffy · 01/05/2023 21:20

gannett · 01/05/2023 16:33

There are so many threads on MN where posters refer to monitoring whether someone else is online. Is this seriously what dating is like nowadays? It's absolutely batshit behaviour. If I got wind that anyone was monitoring whether I was online or offline I'd run so fast and they would never see me again. Do literally anything else with your time!

Just what I was thinking.
When I was dating I’d have run to Mars if I found a woman was watching when I’m on and offline - at the weekend I’d usually put my phone onto ‘data off’ mode to stop the constant stream of notifications that seems to be the norm these days.

Someone that isn’t glued to their phone is very much a good thing!

Original poster
agreenflag · 01/05/2023 21:22

Yes I understand that now .
This dating scene is brand new to me after 17 years. Again , I am
Constantly and instantly contactable due to kids and their activities so my habit has been to answer immediately or I will just forget.

OP posts:
HoobleDooble · 01/05/2023 21:35

He's not in his early 50s and from Yorkshire is he? Just asking as, years ago, someone used to do exactly the same thing with me and even used the no signal up a mountain excuse! Turns out it was just difficult to chat with me on MSN when he was at home with his girlfriend.

Original poster
agreenflag · 01/05/2023 21:48

No he's not from there😂🤣
It's a great excuse though if you want to be invisible for a while

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 01/05/2023 21:54

SequinDiscoBiscuits · 01/05/2023 14:14

I'll tell you what's a red flag, if someone I'd just started chatting to asked why I hadn't been online all weekend. I'd genuinely run a mile.

This. Honestly, leave it alone.

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