Partner maybe bi?

[Liamb123]

Hello everyone, hope you’re well :)
So I think this could just be me been absolutely ridiculous and over thinking just to say that first lol. I’ve always had vibes that my partner could be bi or maybe bi-curious just as she’s said a few things nothing major but she said she’s when she has watched porn its lesbian porn and made some other comments before.
Tuesday we was on a walk chatting and got talking and she told me about this weird women that ‘creeped’ her out at her old job as this women sent her inappropriate pics and came on to her over message and tried it on etc and she said she was freaked out and blocked her.
Since then it’s had me thinking all week that maybe there is more to that situation and maybe she actually did have a thing with this women so I asked her and she said absolutely not it made her creeped out and she’s absolutely not bi. Last night we was having flirty banter over text and I jokingly said winding her up that I’d go get the ‘creepy’ women round next time she’s over so she can get it on with her just winding her up and she replied “ Already been there Shame you weren't around to watch” so obviously I thought she was winding me up back so I went a long with it and asked what they got up to etc and she was winding me up saying “ use your imagination I’m not telling” so I kept going along and then she wrote me a few big in detail erotic paragraphs (you can get what I mean lol) on what they did and how it happened.
So I was very shocked and of course knew in back of my head she was obviously making it up and it was totally fictional to turn me on as she probably thought it was turning me on and some fantasy I had. But it actually did you opposite and made really start questioning everything. So I asked her after firstly if she’s not bi how can she write such a dirty paragraph about sex with another women, as if I did that about another man it would make me feel sick and if it really was true.
She told me absolutely not and she only said it cos I wouldn’t stop going on and it actually was making her sick saying it and wishes she didn’t.

So I’m slightly confused, was it just harmless fun and her trying to turn me on or could she possibly be bi and she’s just trying to cover it.

Thanks :)

I think if she's telling you she's not bisexual then you should accept that and just leave it, and stop bringing it up/ making 'jokes'. It wouldn't matter anyway. I'm bisexual and have been happily with my husband for 17 years. It's a non-issue.

Why does it matter?

She's in a relationship with you. She's no more likely to cheat on you (which I presume is what you're worrying about here) if she's bi than if she's heterosexual.

Ask yourself, "In what way does the information on whether my partner is Bisexual or not change my life". Unless you're homophobic, presumably the answer is not at all.

That’s the thing I don’t care even if she was bi it’s not the fact of her sexual orientation as it doesn’t really make a difference does it. I’d just be more mad that she’s lied if she was and it's nothing to do with cheating as I know she’d never. I just suppose I’d rather know instead of her lying

and why would you be mad if it doesn't matter?

also, didn't YOU start it? should she be worried about your genuinely desire to fulfill some weird group activities?

So here's the thing. She owes you absolutely no information about her sexual history prior to you. The only thing you need to know is if she has an STD.

Even if she is Bi, she doesn't have to tell you. It's nothing to do with you. She is in a relationship with you right now. At the moment, she's far more likely to leave you because you're being an utter creep about her sexual history, than she is because she fancies another woman.

Why do you think we would know if your girlfriend has lied to you or not? If you don't trust her, your relationship is down the pan.

you sound boring. Leave the girl alone

That does sound quite tedious on your part. Are you very young?
She will get sick of these 'jokes' quite quickly and dump you so it won't be a long term problem but you may want to address your insecurities as you will just carry them to the next relationship.

So, you goaded her into writing erotic fiction and now you're blaming her because it seemed too realistic??

You need to leave the poor woman alone

🙄 get over yourself

You sound like you are starting to bully her into giving the answer you want.

Just ACCEPT her reply and drop it.

She doesn't owe you the 'truth' about something that doesn't directly affect you. You don't deserve a limitless window into her brain because she's your girlfriend. There are many aspects of my life/thoughts that no one will ever likely know about and if a partner started demanding I divulge, I would quickly ditch them.

Leave it alone

Also I'm not bisexual and could quite easily write such a paragraph about sex with a woman because I am one. She has female anatomy. It's really not a stretch that she could just pluck this out of her imagination.

Also sexuality is a spectrum. Women can enjoy thoughts about sex with a woman/view porn without ever having the desire to follow through with it. It's very complex. I thought anyone over the age of 14 understood this!

As did I @retinolalcohol ! Loads of women watch lesbian porn, every single woman could write a paragraph about sex with a woman because they know what women like

@retinolalcohol if you imagine yourself having sex with women (as a woman) then you aint straight. Im a straight woman but I knew I was straight even before having sex with men because I would only have sexual fantasies about men, I couldnt watch lesbian porn because im not attracted to women and I just think many of these "straight" women who do watch lesbian porn are in denial.

If a straight man got off to sexual fantasies of men and watched gay porn then everyone would call him bisexual/gay lol

@nakeklak yes lots of bisexual/lesbian women would watch lesbian porn, as a straight woman I could never watch it because the female body doesnt turn me on. I've heard some straight women talk about not finding the male body arousing to look at and that they find women more sexier while I just think to myself "Are you sure your straight"?

Ooh, I read a thing about this. There's been studies on this that tracked eye movement and brain activity. Most straight men when watching porn watch the woman, while gay men focus on men. As you'd expect right.

However, both straight and gay women tend to look at and get more excited by the woman in the scene.

The thinking is that while men use porn as a strictly visual aid, "woman is hot, makes me horny" etc, women are more interested in using it to stimulate the imagination, imagining themselves in place of the woman in the scene.

This apparently explained why a lot of straight women enjoy lesbian porn. A lot of straight porn is about male pleasure, blowjob, man rails woman, more blowjob, cum shot. Not even a fake orgasm for the woman.

Lesbian porn, even when produced for the male gaze, is more about the woman's pleasure. So therefore a lot of straight women preferred it, as it was more enjoyable to imagine themselves in the place of one of the women.

Obviously it's just theory and trends and won't be true of all men and women, but was an interesting read.

@Julieee59 that's a very black and white way to look at things though isn't it! I have no reason to be in denial - I'm super liberal and have no issues around my sexuality

As @fdgdfgdfgdfg has said, a lot of straight women view lesbian porn in a different way to what men do. They are putting themselves in the shoes of the woman in the scenario. There have been similar studies that found people could become aroused whilst viewing apes mating - just because they're stimulated on a primal level by the 'sex', not because they're attracted to monkeys

Either way OP is out of order to scrutinize his girlfriend about this

I think she was winding you up in the messages and since you pushed it she’s then come up with stuff as she would have thought that’s what you wanted to hear. You kept bringing it up so she gave you what she thought you wanted and perhaps made up a story.

She told you this woman creeped her out and she blocked her. She didn’t need to tell you anh of this but chose to. I think you’re unnecessarily worrying and should just drop it now. Even if she was bi, she hasn’t lied to you. She is choosing to currently be in a relationship with you so you should try focus on that.

Do you think a gay writer would "feel sick" writing a sex scene between a man and a woman?

And why are you joking about someone who sexually harassed your partner? She confided in you and you're making light of it.

Would you do the same about a guy who harassed her? Would you assume she had sex with him too?

Odd imo.

@retinolalcohol is lesbian porn the only porn you watch? Because If your imagining yourself in the scene having sex with women then surely that aint straight lol.

Im not going to tell people that they are bisexual, lesbian etc and if a person wants to identify as straight then they can. Its just that there are women out there who think that all women are attracted to women including straight women.

@fdgdfgdfgdfg but if your a woman who gets off to lesbian porn and you imagine yourself in the girls position having sex with the other girl on screen then I dont think thats straight.

I knew I was straight even before having sex with men because I would only have sexual fantasies about men and if you lined up a naked man and naked woman then Id want to look at the naked man.

But its just that there are women out there who believe that even straight women are sexually attracted to women which is untrue. I've even heard women say that all women are attracted to women but you just dont act on it.

I've heard women who identify as straight call the male body unattractive and admit to finding womens bodies more sexier although for relationships they only want men. You can be sexually attracted to women but not romantically but this still makes you bisexual

But surely it's up to the individual what they class themselves as.

I'm a man. I can appreciate when another man is good looking. When I was younger I kissed a few blokes and even went a bit further with one. I consider myself straight. I've got no interest in anything sexual with another bloke again, I tried it, found out I prefer women. That doesn't mean I feel revulsion when I see a naked bloke.

If a woman who enjoys lesbian porn but has no interest in sex with a woman thinks she's straight, then she's straight. If she's kissed a few women in her time but considers herself straight, then she's straight. If she's out having sex with women regularly, then she's.... Well she's probably pushing the definition just a bit.

At the end of the day, we define our own sexuality, and its a spectrum. You're lodged right on the heterosexual end of the spectrum. Let's say Bisexual is in the middle, how far down the line do you have to go before you're not straight any more?

The OP isn't even on about watching porn though

He's claiming his girlfriend can't be straight because she can wrote erotic (possibly fiction) about women having sex together

Which is ridiculous because writers can write all sorts of things they havent experienced. it makes her a potentially good erotic fiction author, it doesn't mean she has to be bisexual

its besides the point anyway, the OP appears to have issues around feeling threatened ny her possible sexuality and that's his insecurities to fix before he breaks the relationship. Whether or not a straight woman can write lesbian sex scenes is not going to break his relationship