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Original poster

Can I have a huge rant about DP and sex, warning contains copious swearing

48 replies

rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:23

Well can I start off by saying he is usually lovely but faced with a lack of sex he is a fucking prick.

I have been up since 4am this morning with DC, have had 6 months of hugely broken sleep, I've looked after the DC all day (he was working), made dinner from scratch and put them to bed.

I am so fucking exhausted I have a permanent tick in my right eye and the stare of a crazed woman.

So why does he feel its okay as I creep out of DDs bedroom to ask me if I fancy a quick one? A FUCKING QUICK ONE, I can't be bothered to fart let alone have sex fgs. So off he strops to his garage to finish working. I decide to go and rent a film get some choccy in and spend a couple of hours alone without being asked to play shopkeepers, get somebody something to eat or wipe anybody's shitty bum.

He says he can't understand why I don't want sex and that if he was tired he would still want to have sex as its something that is enjoyable so wheres the problem.

I swear to god men think you can just turn it on like a fucking tap. I am beyond exhausted and believe it or not we still have sex on average once a week, I mean he is hardly starved for it.

I just don't understand why men seem unable to look at the big picture and think hmm I bet she is really tired she hardly gets any sleep I'm sure I can suck it up for a couple of months. Or alternatively have a wank in the shower like most fucking men.

He says his head thinks his dicks been cut off what a fucker.

Oh he says, your too tired for sex but not too tired to go to the film shop and come back and watch tv

OP posts:
kittywise · 16/02/2008 20:25

rant away!!!

he can but try I suppose

policywonk · 16/02/2008 20:26

Does he do his share of the broken nights, or is it always you?

PussinJimmyChoos · 16/02/2008 20:27

They just do not get that with us, our minds need to be in tune for sex - not just our bodies and lets face it, a film and choc does last longer than your average sex session doesn't it and no wet spot after

Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:27

No its me because I feed DS back to sleep, which is my choice. But DS is an terrible sleeper.

I think I just feeling very very touched out today

OP posts:
Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:28

Very good Puss

And so true

OP posts:
soph28 · 16/02/2008 20:29

you are definitely entitled to rant! I don't think I'm as tired as you and I can't be bothered most of the time!

NorthernLurker · 16/02/2008 20:32

rant away!

This is an area where women and men are just very, very different.

policywonk · 16/02/2008 20:32

Ah, feeding back to sleep - I know that one...

Can't offer any advice re. your DP, but the sleeping will improve over time, promise...

policywonk · 16/02/2008 20:32

Ah, feeding back to sleep - I know that one...

Can't offer any advice re. your DP, but the sleeping will improve over time, promise...

liath · 16/02/2008 20:35

I don't think it occurs to them that having sex when not in the mood isn't much fun.

Sometimes I think I'm lucky to be married to a man with a very intermittant libido. I'd find being contantly pestered for sex unbelievably annoying.

Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:37

Northern Lurker, I was thinking the same thing earlier. DP says he really could have sex at anytime and I think he really means it. How do they do that? Just switch it on like that?

Policy, I live in hope I really do

OP posts:
pinkteddy · 16/02/2008 20:39

tell him he should think himself lucky - once a week! My poor DH didn't get any at all for months after dd was born - too tired, too sore, too everything!!

tiredandgrumpy · 16/02/2008 20:39

Dh is just the same. Actually gets really moody with us if he's been 'deprived' for an 'unreasonable amount of time' (i.e. he gets it less than twice a week). Actually reckons I should go to the dr to get testosterone treatment to increase my libido rather than thinking there may be something abnormal with him. Surely if he is childish enough to take this out on us, then he's the one with the problem?

Actually, haven't had these arguments for a while, so maybe they did relate to a period of sleep deprivation on my part. Know exactly how you feel as I did exactly the same as you (bf to sleep, too touched out to consider anything remotely energetic etc etc). Babies are now older, so life is beginning to return to normal. It should do for you, but in the meantime, men are just unreasonable beasts!

Pofacedandarrogant · 16/02/2008 20:39

I think that there is a difference between men and women when it comes to libido.
I sympathise-I think all mothers have been there!
No wise words for you I'm afraid, but hope you get some sleep!

lucylala · 16/02/2008 20:39

mmm, i do sympathise with you but have to say I know EXACTLY how your hubby feels cos that's the argument me and hubby keep having but the other way round.

We are both totally knackered from the kids and no sleep etc etc but I STILL want sex and hubby doesn't.

He says same as you, that he is just soooo knackered he just wants to sit and watch tele and relax or sleep, sleep, sleep....whereas I want sex to relax and cheer me up (despite also being really knackered)

Having said that I sympathise with your hubby I do also think that if he's getting it once a week then he's doing pretty bloody well - I would be more than happy with that!

It's just mismatched sex drives and the other person just finds it sooo hard to relate to how the other one is feeling. My hubby is getting really annoyed with me
'mithering' him for sex - your message sounded just like he did last week!

Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:41

tired, DP is the same I can actually see him getting more and more tense as the week goes on, do you think its like an emotional release for them or something

Thanks everyone for letting me rant, feeling calmer already, DPs still hiding in the shed

OP posts:
Washersaurus · 16/02/2008 20:45

I know it doesn't help but I feel exactly the same way. DS2 (6mo) has never slept well and I always have to feed back to sleep at least 4/5 times each night. I haven't had more than 4 hours continuous sleep in months. I am exhausted.

DH behaved like your OH for a brief period, then it came to a head (so to speak ) when we had a row and he called me frigid .So I gave him an indepth explanation of my 'frigidity' (if that is a word), including details of my lingering pregnancy related piles

I do try to make a special effort for DH now that I realise how much it was bothering him, but I am still too tired to really enjoy it myself (I mean, I could be catching up on valuable sleep)

Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:49

Washersaurus, DP said the same thing to me a few weeks back What is it about that word that makes you just want to throw something at them.

Thing is we argued about it for half an hour so it got to late to go and get a film anyway.

Lucylala, do you want to come live here for a while

(DP if you read this I AM JOKING!)

OP posts:
PussinJimmyChoos · 16/02/2008 20:51

Buy him a wank mag, escort him to the bathroom with a knowing smile and close the door. Let him get on with it while you eat choc and watch film....

Problem solved

pistachio · 16/02/2008 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:54

Yes pistachio thats just it, I really really would just like to be physically left alone for a while.

It is a very strange feeling

OP posts:
Sidge · 16/02/2008 20:56

You could try just lying naked, spread-eagled on the bed, shut your eyes and say "go on then, wake me up when you're finished..."

Erotic or what?

NorthernLurker · 16/02/2008 20:56

washersaurus - yes sometimes you do have to make the effort - thankfully it's a pleasant interlude - even if we'd rather be sleeping!
I think for me it's all about the demands that have been placed on me in the day - if you've spent all day being pawed at and clung onto by your baby (no matter how cute they are) and being mithered by older children then the last thing you want to do is pay any more attention to anybody! Regardless of what you get out of it But like I say - sometimes you just have to get on with it.

And sometimes you just have to chuck some cold water at 'em!

NorthernLurker · 16/02/2008 20:58

x post ranty - it is strange - but at least you can tell dp you are not the only one! Across the land blokes are grumpily working in their garages saying ' no time to renew our lovingn bond but I notice she always has time for mumsnet!'

Original poster
rantymcranty · 16/02/2008 20:58

Sidge, I really don't think he'd mind if I did

OP posts:
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