I have a crush on a bloke.
He always smells great, really great. Not like aftershave great. It's not a smell I'd ever been able to pinpoint to being a particular thing he uses like a soap or fragrance or even laundry detergent.
It's just like a generally nice aroma - clean, fresh, kind of warm.
He takes good care of himself so I always assumed it was a nice body spray or lotion or whatever. But it's never felt quite right to actually ask what he uses that makes him smell so good. We're friends but that'd be a very weird conversation.
Anyhow, yesterday I was having a big old browse in the posh body care section at Boots to spend some vouchers I received at Christmas. And I found the smell. His smell. His exact smell. Bottled up all neat and tidy in a little tub of body cream.
So I bought the body cream. And now I'm wearing the body cream. And I can't get any bloody work done because I can't concentrate.
I have form for this kind of behaviour. When I was 14, I found out that a boy I liked used Aussie shampoo. So I convinced my mum to buy me some Aussie shampoo because Sugar magazine had said how great it was for teenage hair.
But I was 14 at the time. And we all do mad stuff when we have a crush at 14. But I'm not 14 now. I'm 38. I'm a professional, level-headed woman. But here I am huffing my own arm like its fucking amyl nitrite.
Large parts of me are cringing at my ridiculous teenage behaviour. It seemed such a good idea at the time when I was swept up in the excitement of the moment. But now I'm sat at my desk smelling like a bloke I want to bang wondering what the hell I was thinking.
Tell me you've also done insane and cringe things when you've had the crush blinkers on.