Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He is making me feel worthless ...

66 replies

plugthetelein · 24/04/2023 11:10

October last year I was introduced to a friends friend.
I had fancied him for ages and was over the moon.
He told me he had also liked me for ages and didn't think he stood a chance.
After a couple of months of dating -he said he turned down another woman because of me.
Then he's cockiness began.
He backtracked saying we weren't official and he was spoilt for choice.
He showed me three other women he was talking too -and when I reacted to this he's response was
"Are you going crazy? It's strange because my ex's they ended up going crazy because of me too"
At this moment I probably should have walked but I didn't.

I began trying to prove I was worth more than these other women and he upped the cockiness-sending screenshots of his call log showing how long he had been speaking to them.
Rubbing it in my face.
I asked if he had recently slept with them -he said yes.
That same night I was going to a gig with him and his friends.
We stayed at his friends house and slept in same bed -halfway during the night I woke up and he wasn't there.
I went downstairs and heard him on the phone
"So you want to come pick me up"
"You can if you want too"
At this point I lost my shit and said I'm done with this -you are making me crazy.
This isn't great is it?

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 25/04/2023 15:26

Love yourself by ridding yourself of him. Show yourself that you do deserve better. You can do this. You literally do not get anything out of being with him.

Violasaremyfavourite · 25/04/2023 15:37

When he showed me the three other women he was talking to I'd have walked. When he said, "Are you going crazy? It's strange because my ex's they ended up going crazy because of me too", I'd think he was a bit of a weirdo and would probably be sprinting by that point. You put up with an enormous amount of stuff that somebody with boundaries simply wouldn't have put themselves through. When somebody shows what they are like, don't make excuses or rationalise but believe that is what they are like the majority of the time.

Mari9999 · 25/04/2023 15:42

OP, he is being himself and you are showing him that you are a woman who will accept ill treatment and disrespect in order to keep him.

The solution to your problem is in your hands , but you seem determine to stay with this man. Why should he treat you better than you treat yourself?

abloodygoodcurry · 25/04/2023 15:42

For those saying “just end it, what’s the problem?” I am sure OP gets that. But the reason she is asking and analysing is because she has been blindsided by his behaviour. No one gets addicted to a relationship where the other person is like this from the start. It was the good treatment followed by the bad treating which created the addicting cycle.

OP he is pathetic and obviously a pro at manipulating women’s self esteem and good nature. I promise you, you will feel relieved and less crazy if you finish this and go no contact. You will also miraculously discover that he still wants you in his “harem” afterall and that he depended a lot on the sexual and emotional fuel you were giving him

Mari9999 · 25/04/2023 17:09

OP, worth and va!ue are among the things that you bring into a relationship; they are not the things that you hope or expect are partner to give to you.

A good man can and should give you love, companionship, shared interest and the ability and willingness to work toward shared goals. He does not give you self esteem, and only you can surrender your dignity and self-esteem.

You can walk out of the door. Bad men are easy to find, so if you dump this one, there is always another out there willing to take his place. You don't have to hold on to a bad man; they are by no means an endangered species.

SaulSobieski · 25/04/2023 17:23

Are you still actually seeing him & shagging him?!

The shagging causes oxytocin. You need to stop asap.

The push pull/up down will also be causing some lows and highs and trauma bonding etc.

You need to cease both to get your emotional and mental state back on an even keel.

This guy is fucked up. He not only likes running as many women as he can at one time ...... He actually actively wants to hurt those women emotionally by making it clear to them. I mean most players & cheaters hide their behaviour or at the very least don't call attention to it; he actually does that because gives him gratification to hurt people and feel power over them.

Best guess is he's either born that way - toxic, narcissistic, personality disorder, or he's been "hurt" by a woman and is now seeking to get revenge via all womankind for the damage to his fragile ego. Or both

Either way, he's for the dump.

Get the fuck rid of him.

SaulSobieski · 25/04/2023 17:24

And I bet he's not all that really

List 5 things you don't like about him or that aren't ideal about him; aside from his insane nasty behaviour.

SaulSobieski · 25/04/2023 17:25

He's also gonna give you a nasty STD if you keep having sexual contact with him; that's what happens with characters like him. He's a walking std spreader.

SaulSobieski · 25/04/2023 17:34

It doesn't matter what he was like early days, this is what he's like now.

Even if he returned to being a nice person (which he won't, but let's just discuss it theoretically) you'd be foolish to forgive any of this behaviour and put ant trust or investment in him.

He's proven himself to be low value as a partner.

On the main topic I find the basic rule "if you're not mine, then I'm not yours" is a good one for relationships.

Along similar lines "if I'm just an option for you, then you're not a choice for me".

Get out and date other men, concentrate on other things. Take up a new hobby, think of anywhere you might meet the type of man you'd like to meet or try it out. As someone said men are not endangered species. We don't need to share them. He's not a fucking pizza.

DeeCeeCherry · 26/04/2023 02:09

Feeling worthless because of some dickhead you've been with for a mere 6 months?! He sounds cringe worthy the way you describe him. I'd want to laugh in his face. It seems you're into drama. Just end it.

plugthetelein · 26/04/2023 10:46

Yeah I just need to get rid totally don't I
He is 41 and he's going to end up very lonely
Or either panic and settle down eventually

OP posts:
FishChipsMushyPeas · 26/04/2023 12:31

He is 41 and he's going to end up very lonely
Or either panic and settle down eventually

Stop thinking about him and why he is doing what he is doing. It doesnt matter about him. You need to move on from him and rebuild your confidence.

12345csa · 19/10/2023 23:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MsDogLady · 20/10/2023 01:00

@12345csa, if you start your own thread, we can help you there.

MsDogLady · 20/10/2023 02:00

@plugthetelein, he’s a Player, and his ‘I didn’t think I stood a chance’ was a ploy to reel you in.

His M.O. is to love bomb and then pull back to destabilize the woman so she’ll do the pick-me dance. He has played this game countless times in his 41 years. He’s an extremely immature 41. I figured he was decades younger with his cringe-inducing ‘brag and swagger’ routine.

@plugthetelein, get rid of this manipulative narcissist who is dragging your self-esteem into the gutter and destroying your peace of mind. Use your agency and jump off this abuse train asap.

RantyAnty · 20/10/2023 02:30

Please block him in everything and do it today.

Invite a GF over and have a good cry and watch some trash tv.

The sooner you ditch this abusive twat, the sooner you can heal and feel better about yourself again.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page