DH and STD?

[Spirallingquick]

Hoping for advice as I am spiralling. Been with DH 8 years in total. On Saturday morning he went for a shower and came in saying he has hurt himself and doesn’t know when. He had a singular red mark on his shaft. He said it looks like a friction burn and maybe he did something in his sleep (we had a heavy night so he was definitely out of it but has touched himself in sleep before)

I of course googled and have spiralled. Most common reason appears to be Herpes. It looks like the odd picture I can find (my poor search history!) but doesn’t look like the general pictures as it is one singular lesion.

I have then moved onto syphilis which is apparently rare in the grand scheme.

It doesn’t hurt but is sore apparently. He is in discomfort in general life. I have never noticed this on him before in 8 years and he’s said he’s never had it.
he’s adamant he’s been faithful and I had no reason to doubt that, at least not in the last month or so when exposure would be if it was.

He will go to a doctor if it doesn’t go in a few days (like a burn would). But in the mean time, any advice? What is likelihood and does it mean cheating?

I can’t rest.

*he is NOT in discomfort

The fact he's showed suggests he hasn't cheated otherwise he would hide it. Could it be thrush?

Can't advise if its a std and not enough info to judge if he's been unfaithful but doesn't sound it. Could you take a picture of site wound and ask a pharmacist, obviously dignified as possible and with your husbands consent.

My DP had a sore penis and he found out it was caused by shower gel with the tiny exfoliating beads in it. He had to use canesten to clear up the problem but as he doesn't use that shower gel any more it never recurred.

i looked under the phone torch this morning and it looks like when you burn your skin on a slide and it creates that shiny red look. I think it looks like there was a blister at some point because I can see slight edges of one.

He has psoriasis (we think but he never will go to doctor and has flaky scalp, red patches and dry patches on face. This is first ever issue on penis).

I think pharmacist may be a good bet and maybe will do that later in the week when we have time. I’m not sure what I should be looking out for as an indicator.

I would be very surprised if he had been unfaithful based on his schedule but I know it’s not impossible.

He had to show me really as we have regular sex and he already said he didn’t feel up to it that morning (not out of character though)

Could it be genital psoriasis?

https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/psoriasis/genital-psoriasis-guide

Please do not show a photo of his penis to the pharmacist!

I did wonder if this would be very weird 😂

Based on the reading it seems unlikely. He has no other symptoms beyond a sore red area / lesion / burn (no idea)

essentially my thinking is that if it doesn’t clear up by end of the week it’s likely to be something worrying (a burn would heal) and he can go to the GUM clinic then too, which is what he’s said.

I am just very anxious about cheating. I am completely fine and no symptoms.

Couldn't you show the pharmacist a picture of the mark like really zoom in so it's just the mark and skin? Not showing the whole thing If you know what I mean.

If not, maybe it's a trip to the doctors.

OP I'd be more concerned about myself than him if you've been having sex with a dodgy penis. He needs to go to the GUM clinic asap and find out what it is. Or you could go when it flares up in you.

Don't fuck about with your sexual health.

Don't have sex until you know what it is! He needs to go to the doctor. If it's herpes it could have been lying dormant for years I believe and then just flare up so doesn't have to mean he's cheated. I would have thought that if it was herpes it would be sore though or itchy - I know when i get cold sores on my face they are anyway.

I would get him to book an appointment now as he might have a wait to see someone and then he can always cancel if it goes away very quickly.

I think he should get it checked out at the gum
Clinic

Herpes can lie dormont for years

OP - when I was a teenager I was living with a BF, I came in from college and he walked upto me and punched me in the face, calling me a slag.
He was convinced I'd given him a STD.
It was an allergy to washing powder.

He was long gone after that thankfully.

But please don't jump to conclusions, it could be anything.
Don't get inside your own head so much you worry and ruin a good thing.
(Not suggesting you'd smack your DH!) But please don't worry unnecessarily.
The fact he's showing you suggests he's comfortable.

Herpes can lie dormant for years. Has he had this ever happen before?

Just step back a moment, if he has a skin problem anyway it’s more likely to be related to that. If your relationship is good then try not to think worse case scenario. Imagine if it was the other way round, and it was you with a problem, would he jump to ‘shes cheated’ straight away? The fact is he’s showed and discussed it with you is also a good sign. Don’t panic!

I have genital herpes which just came out of nowhere. I know for a fact I hadn't Cheated on my partner so I assumed that after two year he had cheated on me... except he doesn't have the outbreaks I do. I think it was dormant or his was dormant and he carries it and give it to me via shedding although he never has an outbreak. Strangely I get it between my bum crack and it makes me quite poorly, run down, tired, brain fog etc. bear in mind cold sores (have 1) can eventually become hsv2 so this is also an option?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions that he has cheated as I know didn't cheat but it appeared. I wouldn't bother with the pharmacy just go to the clinic because they need to swan an open lesion to test for it.

I was mortified when I got "diagnosed" but honestly, nobody bats an eye lid. The stats say over 60% people Carry it in some form and most never even know they have it. I seen a midwife last month and she just sort of shrugged it off and I said I don't know where I got it, she just said "yeah we all have it in our bodies" and moved on. It's got such a bad stigma but it's cold sores on your bits and although it's better not to have it of course.. if he has got it you can both manage it.

Sorry strangely because I know there's never been a penis near my bum 😂

Chap here, us blokes (and your DH included) should not wait to go to the Drs if something shows up, it could be benign or the start of something serious.

If I was your DH I would be making an appointment to see my GP today BEFORE the lesion heals, so they can diagnose. There are lots of non STI causes, most of which are not that serious, but then there are things like penile cancer that are serious.

If it turns out to be an STI then it is appropriate to go to the appropriate clinic yourself to be checked, and look at where it came from!

Be aware that Herpes can lie for years undetected before flaring up, as can syphillis.

This.

I'd be highly offended if I showed my husband a sore on my vagina and the first thing he did was went down a mental spiral of me cheating on him.
Unless he's got form for this and he's cheated before, I think you're being really unfair. I'd be really pissed off.
Imagine a guy coming on here describing a sore on his wife's vagina and then asking everyone if he thinks she's cheated?

I think you're being really unfair. (Again, as long as he hasn't cheated before) if he cheated he wouldn't be showing you the sore.

Heroes can lay dormant for years and more than 90% sexually active men and 80% women have the HPV virus at some point. So even if he does have HPV, it doesn't mean he's cheated is he aware that you don't trust him?

2/3's of people with psoriasis have their genitals affected ,this is from the national psoriasis foundation (us)website: " Inverse psoriasis usually occurs in body folds such as the underarms, under breasts, and in the genital area. Symptoms include red skin that is smooth (not scaly) and may look tight." so it can look exactly like a burn....please ask him to see the GP, psoriasis is an auto-immune condition and there will be things he can do to help both the skin issues themselves and his general health. (def stop smoking and reduce alcohol if he does either of these)

Herpes*

Sorry for typos I didn't mean to write herpes I meant to write HPV
HPV is different to herpes. But both can lay dormant for a long time.

@Spirallingquick perhaps lead with the fact he is likely to have psoriasis in your original post then you will likely get more appropriate support from other people with psoriasis !!!

Keep off google tbh u can get a picture of herpes and convince yourself ANY rash or eczema looks like it