DH and STD?

[Spirallingquick]

Hoping for advice as I am spiralling. Been with DH 8 years in total. On Saturday morning he went for a shower and came in saying he has hurt himself and doesn’t know when. He had a singular red mark on his shaft. He said it looks like a friction burn and maybe he did something in his sleep (we had a heavy night so he was definitely out of it but has touched himself in sleep before)

I of course googled and have spiralled. Most common reason appears to be Herpes. It looks like the odd picture I can find (my poor search history!) but doesn’t look like the general pictures as it is one singular lesion.

I have then moved onto syphilis which is apparently rare in the grand scheme.

It doesn’t hurt but is sore apparently. He is in discomfort in general life. I have never noticed this on him before in 8 years and he’s said he’s never had it.
he’s adamant he’s been faithful and I had no reason to doubt that, at least not in the last month or so when exposure would be if it was.

He will go to a doctor if it doesn’t go in a few days (like a burn would). But in the mean time, any advice? What is likelihood and does it mean cheating?

I can’t rest.

You seem convinced it must be an STD and he must have cheated. This suggests there is far more going on in the relationship than a red mark to be honest.

If you get coldsores on your mouth, you could have been the one to pass herpes on to him. I get HSV type 1 'down there' even though it is the type that is more common on the mouth. I had my first outbreak after being married for 5 years, I've never got coldsores, but DH has and unfortunately the virus can spread when sores aren't present and the virus can lie dormant for years before a first outbreak.

He needs to go and get it swabbed while the sore is still there to know if it is herpes because most people will have at least one type of herpes virus present in thier blood.

Unless you have any other reason to suspect he is cheating, it's not fair at this stage to jump to conclusions.

If you have no reason to doubt him, why are you doubting him? So many reasons for this as poster above

I have OCD which may be why I’m spiralling.

DH hasn’t cheated as far as I know but had on a previous partner (when he was in uni / young) we met when I was 19.

I understand what everyone’s saying and will suggest the clinic regardless then.

DH had a full STD screening with bloods 5 years ago, I’ve read that would have detected if he had herpes? So if he has it now then it would mean cheating?

If you are in the UK then they don't test blood for herpes as most people have it and without issue. They only test for herpes via a swap if you present with symptoms.

I had postnatal OCD so I really sympathise with you in that respect, but be careful how you approach this with your partner, especially if you have ever got a coldsore on your mouth. If my DH had accused me of cheating, even though the doctors said the herpes most likely came from him giving me oral, our relationship would have never recovered. It's an awful thing to be diagnosed with as it has a stigma that is not attached to the same condition on the mouth an unfounded accusation on top would have been insult to injury.

Maybe you have thrush and he caught it from you? Or it could be an allergic reaction to detergent or shower gel. He should see a doctor about his penis and his other skin symptoms seeing as he hasn’t been formally diagnosed. Quite odd that you still think he has an STD from cheating on you despite posters coming up with other explanations.

could he have caught it or rubbed it with a zip ?

I’ve never had a cold sore either has he. I am very hot on my sexual health so I know I’m ok from looking etc (not been to doc for anything except HPV screening which was negative)

I know there could be other reasons I’m just trying to gauge what to expect and what the likelihood of different things is

Full std screen with bloods would probably not include herpes. They would swab a lesion if visible and test for herpes.

If it is herpes, he could have had it for years and years. Don’t get too stressed until he’s been checked out and you’ve had a chat about any results with a dr. I know that’s hard to hear and easy for me to say, though.

Good sign that he’s been very open about it.

If you really can't trust him though you need to let him go, it's not fair on him or yourself to be in a relationship without trust. Think of all the times in your adult life that you have had an itchy or sore vulva or unusual discharge, then imagine being accused of cheating each time you got one of those symptoms before you had even seen a medical professional. It would be exhausting.

Hes probably just chafed it while running if it looks like a friction burn type thing.

I'd see how it is over the next day or two before getting torches etc out again on it.

Just because it’s a penis it doesn’t mean it’s a sexual thing, it’s just skin like any other part of his vast and we all get marks we can’t explain from time to time, well I know o do anyway!

I understand what you're saying, but you would never know you have herpes as you can only test for it in an outbreak. You can carry it and never have an outbreak, you can have it and break out 20 years later.
I also don't have cold sores, the two can be linked but not always