Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He buys stuff without asking

47 replies

CoffeeDino · 23/04/2023 20:21

My boyfriend of two years keeps buying things without asking. Then hoping/expecting I'll pay.

For example, a toy he saw for my dc which I said they didn't need (he's not dad). A vacuum I didn't want (he said he'd use it on my house). A 'present' for me which he liked but I said I'd think about. I told him to take it back (it wasn't a present as I was expected to pay).

He's not always tight, can be quite generous at times. But I'm financially secure and work with my budget. He has credit card debt.

I've asked him to take the latest item back, told him I can't afford it.

It's weird and annoying behaviour though??

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 23/04/2023 20:27

He's spending your money for you and can't see that's wrong?
He has debt while you don't. Can you honestly see a future with someone who's attitude to money is so different to yours?

TomatoSandwiches · 23/04/2023 20:29

Get rid of him, how many times does he have to be told? He obviously has a spending, boundary and listening problem.

Patchworksack · 23/04/2023 20:32

Have you paid for things he has bought at random previously? You should have stamped it out the first time he pulled this stunt.

Original poster
CoffeeDino · 23/04/2023 20:38

I have paid for the occasional thing, but it has become more of a problem recently. My guess is that he enjoys spending, so buys stuff without asking and then hopes for the cash. I haven't paid it recently though and have told him to return the last couple of things.

I think its not very nice behaviour and is making me question his morals.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 23/04/2023 20:45

Sounds like he'd happily draw you into a spending over your budget way of life, if he's left unchecked. I'd make it very clear that your income isn't in any way his to spend. If he can't understand that, he's kicked to the kerb.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/04/2023 20:59

How odd! Have you outright told him not to buy things and then expect you to reimburse him?

BurntOutGirl · 23/04/2023 20:59

So ... just to clarify... he buys the item with his own money.... and then wants you to repay him?

Easy to resolve.... don't pay him. If he chooses to purchase an item, then that's up to him.

Just say thanks and take it.

Paperbagsaremine · 23/04/2023 21:03

I take it this is not a reverse with you secretly being Rupert Murdoch complaining about whoever the newest new fiancée is!

Lsquiggles · 23/04/2023 21:04

What does he say when you ask him to return it?

Have you said outright that you don't want him buying stuff on your behalf like this? Very weird behaviour on his part!

MichelleScarn · 23/04/2023 21:08

So he buys the stuff on a credit card then looks for the cash from you?
That sounds like a but scammy!

DiscoBeat · 23/04/2023 21:13

He's not spending your money. But it could bounce back on you if debt collectors come knocking. I'd totally refuse anything he tried to give me - get him to send it back.

CocoC · 23/04/2023 21:25

I would really worry about his spending habits, and whether you can see your relationship working in the future because of this.
Can you imagine being married (or living together)? At that point he would probably talk about a joint account - how would that work?
What about when you have to make bigger joint financial decisions like buying a car/holidays etc.
Financial disagreements are one of the biggest causes of relationships breaking up. He needs to learn to living within is budget limits, or you will be setting yourself up for a miserable future.

justanotherdrama · 23/04/2023 21:47

Run for the hills!
Big red flag!

billy1966 · 23/04/2023 22:09

Very weird and definitely not normal stable behaviour.

OP, move on.

Whatever his financial issue is, you have a child and don't need it around you.

peachgreen · 23/04/2023 22:11

Are you sure he’s buying it and not stealing it?

Gruf · 23/04/2023 22:12

Strange behaviour and good to ask him to return things. Ask him to text you before purchasing next time.

Bearpawk · 23/04/2023 22:16

This is very weird.
I assume you've told him directly to stop it and you shall not be reimbursing him ? What did he say?

ReadersD1gest · 23/04/2023 22:18

I'm struggling to picture how this actually plays out? Does he actually present you with stuff like toys and hoovers and literally ask you to give him the money? So odd...

ReadersD1gest · 23/04/2023 22:19

peachgreen · 23/04/2023 22:11

Are you sure he’s buying it and not stealing it?

That's a thought...

Original poster
CoffeeDino · 23/04/2023 22:47

Sometimes he'll mention the item casually, then he'll 'pick up' one day and give to me. It's usually something vaguely useful. Initially I didn't think much of it and reimbursed him, thinking he was trying to be helpful.

Now I feel he oversteps and wants to spend my money without asking.

So the last few items I've asked him to return. He seems a bit sulky about it, so maybe I'm not the woman for him. I refuse to be put into debt by this kind of behaviour, even if the items are sometimes small.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeDino · 23/04/2023 22:48

To be fair I've also not reimbursed him for things, thinking he will stop. It's not that he's tight, more that he likes spending money I think.

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 23/04/2023 22:50

CoffeeDino · 23/04/2023 22:48

To be fair I've also not reimbursed him for things, thinking he will stop. It's not that he's tight, more that he likes spending money I think.

No, if that was it he'd spend his own money. Don't be daft.

HeartsAglow · 23/04/2023 23:12

My guess is he wants you to feel indebted to him. I had an ex like this. He ended up trying to sue me for the money I apparently owed him. Run.

redbigbananafeet · 23/04/2023 23:18

I dont understand how he asks for the money? Does he say "I bought a new hoover to use in your house, it cost £300. Can you transfer me the money?"

PousseyNotMoira · 23/04/2023 23:24

Have you asked him why he does this and told him you want him to stop?

Swipe left for the next trending thread