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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Told a lie to dh and now stressing

59 replies

Rosesrme · 23/04/2023 14:15

Good afternoon

I have fucked up and told a lie to dh and now I am stressing that it's going to unravel

About a year ago we stopped being eligible for child benefit due to me earning just over the threshold. Dh spotted this first and asked me to contact the DWP to stop our payments. I said I would but forgot. Every month I planned to do it, but forgot. The money just goes into our joint account and gets swallowed up. I haven't used it on anything for me personally etc.

Any, last week dh mentioned child benefit and made reference to the fact that we no longer get it. He then said something like " it's been a about a year since we stopped ours isn't it". I just said 'Yes'.

I have now cancelled it but feel terribe. I know that I may get a bill but I will just pay that if and when it comes.

My biggest worry is that a child benefit statement etc might come in the post - is that something that happens, like a bank statement that shows all of the CB that you have claimed? I can't recall seeing anything like this before - does this happen?

I know I should have been honest but it just ran away with me. I am so not a dishonest person normally and feel like I have broken his trust.

OP posts:

WatieKatie · 23/04/2023 18:14

To clarify OP, it is not benefit fraud. If you are over the threshold you can either inform HMRC and arrange for payments to stop, or continue receiving them but any overpayment will be claimed back by HMRC.

Are you self employed or PAYE? If the latter they will simply collect the overpayment via a change in tax code. You will receive a letter outlining the tax that you have paid in the previous tax year, 2022/23 in this case, any over or underpayment and how this will be addressed. You will be provided with a new tax code.

I don’t see how your husband will find out unless he starts looking at your income tax affairs.

Chenford · 23/04/2023 19:31

“Are you self employed or PAYE? If the latter they will simply collect the overpayment via a change in tax code”

It’s paid back via back via self assessment according to the HMRC website (and in my experience)

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge/pay-the-charge

High Income Child Benefit Charge

High Income Child Benefit Charge - check if you're affected, how and when to pay this tax charge, opt out and restart Child Benefit payments.

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge/pay-the-charge

Vitriolinsanity · 24/04/2023 17:48

OP in my experience if you wait on hold and get HMRC on the phone they are really very good at helping you sort this sort of thing out.

They are available evenings and weekends too. They've walked me through step by step and no judgement.

Do that first and tell DH once it's sorted.

Nocutenamesleft · 24/04/2023 18:01

Rosesrme · 23/04/2023 14:18

I think that I will have to pay a bill which is fine. I am going to call hmrc tomorrow to see if I can arrange this.

Show quote history

Jesus. My friend didn’t know you had to cancel it after the threshold and had it for like 6 years and they never said anything. That was some 10 years ago now.

I think if you get caught for fraud they don’t just send you a letter.

Nocutenamesleft · 24/04/2023 18:04

Willowthecrisp · 23/04/2023 14:49

Oh this reminds me that we are about to lose our child benefit too because of DH’s promotion.. it doesn’t come in to effect for a few months but when do I need to let HMRC know? And how?

You just ring them

however they say to take it and then give it back as it carries on your national insurance contributions.

DoormatBob · 24/04/2023 18:14

Are you definitely over the threshold? It is pay after deductions (pension) so not your gross salary.

Over £70k salary but only around £55k taxable, so pay half back on that.

Dyrne · 24/04/2023 18:22

Another one saying it’s based on your taxable income, not your salary. So if you earn £55K but pay 10% salary sacrifice into your pension, for example, you don’t have to do anything.

And you pay back a sliding scale between £50-£60K taxable income, so it may still be worth claiming.

Anyone banging on about benefit fraud absolutely doesn’t know what they’re on about. Plenty of people claim it and pay it back later via their self assessment; and it’s perfectly legal.

MusicansMum · 24/04/2023 18:49

A guy from HMRC told me the other day that they are still a year behind with their work. When I complained that this was the second time I'd sent them something that they hadn't received, he said that happened all the time - something about problems in the scanning department. You'll be fine if you explain it to them.

Endoftheroad12345 · 25/04/2023 00:23

Why are you so worried about his reaction @Rosesrme to the point that your reflex instinct was to lie to him and now you’re stressing about him finding out?

I ask because I would have had the same issue with my ex - I would have been delegated the cancelling job (as such admin was beneath him) and then if I forgot to do it (I have a FT job more senior than his + 2DC) there would have been an eruption and berating about how shit/useless/disorganised I am (despite the fact I organised our whole household as well as working FT).

If you say to him now, “oh shit, I thought id cancelled the CB but I hadn’t! I’ve done it now” how will he respond?

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