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Original poster

Fwb made me uncomfortable possible tw

52 replies

anon3738 · 23/04/2023 09:19

So I met this guy a year or so ago on old, we met up a couple of times but there was no spark or anything, but we still did continue to meet very casually for sex. I’m happy with this and so was he.
so, he came round to mine on Thursday night, we dtd a couple of times and after we was just listening to music/chilling. I must of fell asleep but the next thing I knew I felt something warm all over the bottom of my back/bum (I was sleeping on my stomach) so I turned around to see him and realised he had masturbated and finished on me while I was asleep, and he pushed my head back down on the pillow and slapped my bum, then came and laid back next to me and went to sleep, I don’t know if I’m overthinking or overreacting it’s just really bothered me and needed to get it out.

OP posts:
fourelementary · 23/04/2023 09:22

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PaigeMatthews · 23/04/2023 09:24

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Wtf?!?! No. That is not ok.

op, dont aee him again.

WhiteBloatus · 23/04/2023 09:24

Not difficult. You are not an object, you’re not just a body or a tool to masturbate over, so if this is how he views you, it’s over.

Zola1 · 23/04/2023 09:29

I wouldn't see him again

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 23/04/2023 09:29

FWB is for the mutual benefit of both parties; it's not where one person gets sexual gratification and the other gets spunk covered and a slap.

I'd move on from this guy, he was really disrespectful to you and that's just not acceptable.

honeylulu · 23/04/2023 09:29

It's actually not complicated at all. You were asleep and not consenting to the sexual activity, so he has assaulted you. Completely out of order and illegal. The manner in which he did so is a different issue (I wouldn't like it but I've never had a fwb so I don't really know what the deal is).

BCBird · 23/04/2023 09:30

The fact that u were asleep makes it so wrong in my opinion. If u had been awake and suggested or agreed to this would be been fine.

TheyIndeed · 23/04/2023 09:32

That's gross, creepy, non-consensual rapey and 100% not okay OP. You're not overreacting Flowers

TheyIndeed · 23/04/2023 09:32

"Complicated" indeed. FFS.

Lkgcsr · 23/04/2023 09:32

@fourelementary what?!
There are no blurred boundaries and whether he’s your boyfriend or a one night stand that’s not ok.
Id either just cut contact or tell him that wasn’t ok and cut contact. Either way I wouldn’t see him again as what he did is not ok; I don’t expect anyone to do anything that I haven’t agreed to and certainly not while I’m asleep.

Lkgcsr · 23/04/2023 09:33

Just To add sometimes these things are almost a way of seeing what you’ll accept/make an issue of

Mehmeh22 · 23/04/2023 09:34

I wouldn't trust to sleep next to someone who did that. I think you're best to end the arrangement

Coffeeandcards · 23/04/2023 09:35

You don’t do sexual things to an unconscious person. The end.

MadeofElephantStone · 23/04/2023 09:37

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WTF. Having a casual relationship is no excuse for lacking awareness on basic boundaries and I would class not partaking in sexual activity with someone who is asleep, so therefore cannot consent, a boundary that most decent people abide by. OP, this man assaulted you and your relationship status with him is no reasonable excuse for his actions. Please be wary of seeing him again and would consider reporting his behaviour with the police. Assaulting someone when they're asleep is pretty concerning behaviour.

Dithyramb · 23/04/2023 09:37

It indicates someone with highly dubious ideas about consent. I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

polkadotdalmation · 23/04/2023 09:38

Simple. Don't see him again.

Whiteroomjoy · 23/04/2023 09:38

Ok, I’m going to say before you block him ensure you tell him what he did was none consensual and therefore an assault and you are considering reporting to the police.
guys like this continue these behaviours if they’re not called out for what it is. There aren’t grey areas- you did not consent, you were asleep and you didn’t like it. He doesn’t get to “use” you just becuase you’d already agreed to have sec with him

Don’t continue this relationship. He might say he’ll not do it agian, but any bloke that can’t tell, these days, what is consensual sex acts and what isn’t is both rather stupid, rather selfish, rather arrogant, rather entitled. None of which make for good partners.

BrandNewNameAgain · 23/04/2023 09:38

fourelementary No! That’s not difficult. It was non consensual. No ifs, ands or buts.

Not Ok OP. Hope you are ok.

Suprima · 23/04/2023 09:38

You need to end the arrangement.

The majority of men who embark on these FWB arrangements are not nice men who literally do not deserve to be in the same room as a woman, let alone no strings attached sex.

And he’s proved to you he’s one of those. You’re literally a thing to jizz in and on. There’s no ‘friend’ element here.

Do not let him disrespect you like that again.

Pissedoffandcovidy · 23/04/2023 09:39

@fourelementary what a disgusting post, says a lot about you as a person. OP I would end the arrangement immediately and tell him why.

BrandNewNameAgain · 23/04/2023 09:42

There was a brilliant video posted on MN about consent to sexual activity being the same as consent to a cup of tea. You wouldn’t pour a cup of tea into a sleeping persons mouth. You wouldn’t keep going on to someone about them really wanting a cup of tea until they eventually give in and drink the tea etc.

OP you didn’t consent to this. It’s up to you how you address it but it’s not a difficult blurring of boundaries.

BrandNewNameAgain · 23/04/2023 09:42

Whiteroomjoy

cross posts! Thanks. Just the video I meant.

casualreader2022 · 23/04/2023 09:43

Whiteroomjoy · 23/04/2023 09:38

Ok, I’m going to say before you block him ensure you tell him what he did was none consensual and therefore an assault and you are considering reporting to the police.
guys like this continue these behaviours if they’re not called out for what it is. There aren’t grey areas- you did not consent, you were asleep and you didn’t like it. He doesn’t get to “use” you just becuase you’d already agreed to have sec with him

Don’t continue this relationship. He might say he’ll not do it agian, but any bloke that can’t tell, these days, what is consensual sex acts and what isn’t is both rather stupid, rather selfish, rather arrogant, rather entitled. None of which make for good partners.

Agreed. End it but make sure he knows why. What he did was not ok and actually makes me feel so sick. Really messed up what he did.

HarperElla · 23/04/2023 09:44

Coffeeandcards · 23/04/2023 09:35

You don’t do sexual things to an unconscious person. The end.

This. OP I'd never see him again.

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