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Original poster

DP on holiday with other women

50 replies

Louf80 · 23/04/2023 07:42

My dp goes on walking holidays a few times a year, and has done since before we met 3 years ago.

I've always trusted him, and don't often go with him on these trips as I work long hours in a demanding job and also I am a carer for my mum.

I know a mix of men and women usually go on these trips with him, (he basically organises them with his friend) but like I say, I trust him to behave himself and I know he loves me a lot so I don't worry.

That is until yesterday when he thinks I didn't see the "funny side" of a photo he sent me. He was half naked with his top half exposed, with the four women in the group next to him, one touching his chest. He sent the photo to me.

I have been upset since I saw it, and he thinks I am being incredibly unreasonable not to see the humour in it. Am I a miserable cow or should I worry?

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 23/04/2023 07:53

I do walking holidays and was all for telling you not to worry, but that last bit really turned my stomach.

Hes purposely orchestrated a picture to upset you, I wonder what he told the women to get into that pose?

'I know what will be funny, you all cuddle up to me and make it look like you're my harem and we can send it to Louf and watch her reaction' hahaha.

I'd be really hurt that he'd done that intentionally for a reaction and as a result wouldn't give him one at all.

I don't think I'd be worried about him cheating necessarily but upset about the fact another woman is touching him like that and it's been done with a view to wind me up.

Even more pissed off if its posted on social media afterwards for everyone to have a good laugh about what a lad he is.

Morewineplease10 · 23/04/2023 07:57

What a dick.

What is the 'humour' in that exactly? Cos I'm not seeing it!!

dudsville · 23/04/2023 07:57

I can't imagine my partner ever doing this so i just asked him if he thought it was ok or funny. He agrees its totally off, a lack of respect and boundaries.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 23/04/2023 08:00

What was supposed to be "funny" about the photo OP, has he said?

I wouldn't find that amusing either. He's fortunate to have a partner who is not jealous of him having these breaks away with a mixed sex group, but has found it necessary to try and wind you up with this picture. I would consider that a red flag.

BCBird · 23/04/2023 08:01

I would not be happy either. I would wonder is he being so disrespectful towards you?

supercali77 · 23/04/2023 08:01

Ask him how he'd feel if you sent the same photo. Pretty sure he'd balk

Velvian · 23/04/2023 08:04

I think you need to orchestrate the equivalent photo to send back to him.

mycatsanutter · 23/04/2023 08:06

I wouldn't be happy with that at all , disrespectful to you .

FL0 · 23/04/2023 08:10

I go on ( mixed sex ) walking holidays and I’ve never seen anything like this. I agree he’s set this up to deliberately upset you, which is a very nasty thing to do.

qazxc · 23/04/2023 08:19

The going on walking brwks with a mixed group, fine.
But that photo sounds weird and not funny. What on earth possessed them to pose for it?
His response to your discomfort about it is even worse. If I upset my partner ( even without meaning it), I would apologise, not diminish it/ tell him it's his fault. That would be a red flag for me.

MagpiePi · 23/04/2023 08:25

What was going on for the group to get into the situation where someone (your dp?) said let’s take a photo of this. Did any of the women send it to their partners?

It sounds really sleazy and creepy.

Original poster
Louf80 · 23/04/2023 08:29

Thanks everyone, I'm helps to know that the way I'm feeling about it is valid. I don't know why he did it, but I'm supposed to see the humour in it according to him. I won't get an apology that's for sure, he's not really the "say sorry" type unfortunately 😕

I feel stressed this morning, he comes back home today, not sure how to tackle it without a full on argument , which I want to avoid.

OP posts:
k1233 · 23/04/2023 08:39

Ask him to explain the joke. At the moment I'm failing to see the punchline?

SourDoughToast · 23/04/2023 08:42

That's not funny.

I doubt he'd be laughing if you sent him a picture of you in your bra with 4 men draped over you.

What a dickhead.

rookiemere · 23/04/2023 08:48

I remember a singles walking trip I went on in my 30s. It was mostly women, but there was a very odd couple there. One day they orchestrated a reason for a few of us to go to their room and the DH was sitting topless ( and maybe bottomless) in the bed.

The photo you're describing gives me similar vibes.

I'd start trying to carve out a bit of time for yourself. Do you go on holiday with him at all ?

Tarantullah · 23/04/2023 08:50

It seems like you're chill about his holidays but the photo was cruel. He knows how you'd feel about it, its hardly like you were going to find it hilarious is it, I'd also ask what the punchline was meant to be as its gone over your head, I suspect he won't have an answer.

FurAndFeathers · 23/04/2023 08:57

It’s only a joke if it’s funny. What’s funny about the photo?

If he thinks it’s funny to wind you up/upset you/make you anxious then he’s an arsehole who is making you the butt if his jokes and that’s cruel.

he also won’t apologise and is gaslighting you into ‘not getting’ the ‘joke’
and you sound frightened of discussing this with him.

it doesn’t sound like a healthy respectful partnership

Longingforthesummer · 23/04/2023 09:03

PLEASE ASK YOUR DH OP...
Ask him, if you sent him a similar photo, would he see the 'funny side'?

He has massively hurt your feelings and trust. He obvs feels flattered by the attention. Ignore him when he comes home!!!!

quietnightmare · 23/04/2023 09:04

Some people do things like this to 'keep you on your toes' it's hard to explain but it's sort of a way of saying
Don't forget I've got options.

It makes them feel like they have a bit of control and also makes them feel less vulnerable in a relationship

Chchchchchangesss · 23/04/2023 09:04

Why don't you want to have an argument? It seems that would be an entirely appropriate thing to do!

AgentJohnson · 23/04/2023 09:05

he's not really the "say sorry" type.

Urgh, coupled with his stellar sense of humour, he sounds like a keeper.

SeaDee · 23/04/2023 09:07

Ask him what was funny about it

What a dick. He should feel embarrassed

Ohheyitsme1 · 23/04/2023 09:08

Ask him if he’d be fine with you in a bikini with 4 or 5 men around you, touching you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

snoopyscarpy · 23/04/2023 09:13

LTB

Original poster
Louf80 · 23/04/2023 09:17

snoopyscarpy · 23/04/2023 09:13

LTB

I am seriously considering it 😕

OP posts: