Getting back with ex

[Nachobowls]

Has anyone got back with an ex after years apart? Any success stories? I'm not coping on my own and think I should get back with my ex. Leaving isn't always better, has anyone gone back? How would I approach this?

Write down the specific reasons its not working for you and then go through them one by one and work out if your ex is the only solution to that problem.

Why did you split up? Your choice or his?

Any why do you feel you can’t cope on your own?

Not coping on my own with my kids I have no one, I have to try to give it another chance. Yes he is my only option I have no family. We broke up for lots of reasons.

No one’s going to be able to advise you with answers like ‘lots of reasons’. I’d say it’s a shit idea as a toxic environment is harmful to your children, and you’ll inevitably break up again which they’ll have to go through, again.

Also how many chances did you already give him before you broke up

Its a shirt environment already, like I said the grass isn't always greener. There was a lot of reasons nothing major like cheating or dv

Shit*

I've experience of this and I deeply regret not sticking to it. I knew within weeks of moving back in it was a horrible mistake as he hadn't changed a bit and now my kids are in a shot state because we split again. Date him a while if you really need to but don't move him straight back in

Can you give us a bit more idea of why you split, OP ?
I did this ... huge mistake, we ended up splitting again after about 9 months, total nightmare.
It's not easy being on your own sometimes but it's a whole lot harder being in a shitty relationship.

The relationship was not abusive and he is not a bad person we just weren’t getting on I had some bad things that happened in my family which affected our relationship and caused a lot of problems. I fell pregnant with our youngest and he wasn’t happy about me continuing the pregnancy. I wouldn’t move him in my straight away and he wouldn’t want to do that anyway.

Love isn't mentioned, best option huh? Sorry but I would never ever get back with an ex just because

If he wasn’t happy about you continuing the pregnancy how do you see it working?

My work colleague did this. They were married for the better part of their lives, really. I think close to 30 years. They then separated , then divorced.

Somehow, they got back together again and in fact , restarted their relationship by remarrying. They are still together and as far as we know, are happy. I suppose they both learnt from their mistakes, that lead to them splitting in the first place.
Now, they talk more, he says.

This. Is it a good environment for your kids to grow up in?!!!!!

Do you love him? Or is this just to make life with kids easier. Is he having them regularly?

No he doesn’t have them at all. They are already growing up in a difficult environment with a mum that’s too stressed to cope with them. I would give them to my ex if he would have them but he won’t, he will only see them at my house with me here, we might as well still be a couple!

I think you're considering this for all the wrong reasons and for that I think it's a terrible idea.

You don't mention missing him, loving him or even caring about hi. Just childcare options.

Given that you kept your youngest child, would he even want to get back together anyway?

Read my lips!
I am speaking from experience.
We were five years apart, remained in touch, didn’t divorce.
We got back together for nearly a year. It was a life of hell and I had to get out again. Luckily I was able to get a mortgage again as I sold my house to move back with him.
A leopard doesn’t change their spots.
Try to find another way but don’t go back to him.

I care about him as the father of my children. Youngest is now 6 next month, it was a long time ago. I do miss him in a sense but more because I’m lonely than anything else.

You’re not making it sound like the right thing so far.

How many children do you have and how old are they? If the youngest is 6, things should be getting noticeably easier - unless they have particular needs.

11 10 8 and 5, no it isn’t getting any easier I would say the absolute opposite. At least when they were young I wouldn’t have wanted to be separated from them, now I would give anything for a break to myself! They argue and fight constantly. I have no family and I haven’t had a single night to myself in well over 6 years since the youngest was born. I’m not giving my children away so there is no other option but I can’t manage them alone anymore.

Given that he refuses to take any of the childcare load now, it's highly likely that you'll just end up with someone else to look after. More cooking, more washing, more mental load. It's unlikely he's changed given that he's currently being a shit father.

When he is here it’s definitely easier, the kids behave much better as they wouldn’t dare play up or fight or argue around him.

Why on earth does he never look after his children on his own out of your house?
This is a terrible idea and so detrimental to the children.

I am so sorry it is so hard for you but this isn't the answer.