I want to ask out a guy, but my friend is forbidding me from doing it.

[CartoonPenguin]

Me and my co-worker (who we'll just call "Sally") have a bit of a crush on the same guy at work and he actually asked out Sally just a couple of months ago. Despite Sally's feelings towards him, she actually rejected him since she felt uneasy about dating a co-worker and she didn't want to do anything that could potentially affect her work life.

So Sally rejected him and I've spent the past couple of months thinking about me making a move. I'm not so uptight about dating co-workers, but I made my intentions clear to Sally and now she's forbidding me from doing it. She's saying that she plans on leaving this job soon since her college graduation is coming up. She plans on graduating in just a few weeks, getting her degree, landing an actual career (we're working retail right now) and then asking our crush if he's still interested in dating since they'd no longer be co-workers.

I think it's unfair since it sounds like Sally is calling dibs on this guy. We've argued about the whole thing recently and I've made the argument that she had her chance at dating him, but she blew it when she decided to remain loyal to a multi-million dollar corporation that doesn't actually care about her. But she's arguing that "it's not that simple" and that she's just trying her best to not cause drama in the workplace. She's also argued that she's been crushing on him for sigificantly longer than me, which is true, but I don't see why that matters. Am I the bad guy for wanting to ask him out? Should I really just give up and let Sally go at him again even though she already made it clear that she's not interested in him?

Just ask him out, she’s leaving soon anyway.

Well, the thing is that me and Sally are friends outside of work as well. We hang out on our weekends off and we still have plans to regularly see each other after she's left.

Ask him out. He'll probably say no, he prefers your mate, but them's the breaks as Boris says.

Ask him out, why not?

Would you be OK if he rejected you because he still fancies your colleague?

Or if you did start seeing him, would it stop her making a move on him after she's left?

You could ask....but the fact is he asked Sally out and not you which shows where his interest lies

would you really want to go out with a guy who’s clearly interested in your friend? Would you want your friendship to remain?

There’s plenty of fish in the sea, let this one swim by.

Do you know for certain he asked her out? I would have my doubts!

Why did he ask Sally out and not you?

I was in a similar situation when I was much younger. A close friend fancied a mutual friend. She never asked him out despite much encouragement over a long period of time. I ended up having sex with him and she was absolutely furious. We’d been very close and it nearly ended my friendship with her. He wasn’t worth it. I wish I’d never slept with him.

If you plan on remaining friends then one of 3 things will happen.

He will say yes to you, and you'll sometimes be in her company and it will be awkward knowing he fancied her first, she may well remind him of this too.

He will say no, and she will date him when she leaves, then you'll sometimes be in the company of the guy who rejected you and the woman he rejected you for, which is awkward.

He won't date either of you, but the friendship will fizzle out because you both fancy the same type and this man is clearly a sticking point, and that never works.

I don't think this sounds like a friendship destined to last out of work whichever way it goes tbh.

Why should I let him "swim by"?

Sally made it perfectly clear that she's not interested in him enough to risk some dead end retail job. Why should she get a second crack at him?

I reckon she’s already with him on the quiet

Can't believe this is real. Sally sensibly didn't want to risk making her life awkward at work if things went south with this bloke. You sound resentful that she has goals and a life plan and you're bobbing around in a, as you put it, "dead end retail job" grabbing sloppy seconds.

I thought this too.

What makes you think he's interested in you?

Ok but he likes your mate...

Honestly, just ask him out.

The friendship between you and Sally sounds like two kids at primary school.

He probably fancies her more as he asked her our and not you. It's not worth the trouble.

It all sounds a bit school playground to be honest!
Ok so this guy obviously likes Sally as he asked her out. So yes you could ask him out, he might say yes, but would you not be always wondering if he still likes Sally? And obviously Sally can't 'forbid ' you from asking him out but it all sounds like hard work and potentially messy really. Is he really worth it? Do you think he likes you too? What if he said no would that be awkward at work?

But he asked her out, not you

She said no and he still hasn't asked you.

But you’d be his second choice, why would you want that?

I guarantee she’s either seeing him on the sly or at the very least she’s in contact with him outside of work.

Sally's already with him. Open your eyes and now on.

Why would you throw away a perfectly good friendship on chasing after a bloke who isn’t interested in you anyway? If he wanted you, he’d have asked you out and not Sally. Besides, I expect they’re already seeing each other, or at least keeping a close personal connection, just in private.

I could never do this to a friend, you sound so mean!

She likes him and he likes her, why on earth would you just throw yourself in the middle of that?

You sound very young like school age. Why would you want someone who wants your friend? He isnt that into you hun.

I don't understand why you want to date him when he fancies your mate. Hes got another chance with her after she leaves as they wont be coworkers then. How can you hang out together when you know he would rather be with her? Odd.