I want to ask out a guy, but my friend is forbidding me from doing it.

[CartoonPenguin]

Me and my co-worker (who we'll just call "Sally") have a bit of a crush on the same guy at work and he actually asked out Sally just a couple of months ago. Despite Sally's feelings towards him, she actually rejected him since she felt uneasy about dating a co-worker and she didn't want to do anything that could potentially affect her work life.

So Sally rejected him and I've spent the past couple of months thinking about me making a move. I'm not so uptight about dating co-workers, but I made my intentions clear to Sally and now she's forbidding me from doing it. She's saying that she plans on leaving this job soon since her college graduation is coming up. She plans on graduating in just a few weeks, getting her degree, landing an actual career (we're working retail right now) and then asking our crush if he's still interested in dating since they'd no longer be co-workers.

I think it's unfair since it sounds like Sally is calling dibs on this guy. We've argued about the whole thing recently and I've made the argument that she had her chance at dating him, but she blew it when she decided to remain loyal to a multi-million dollar corporation that doesn't actually care about her. But she's arguing that "it's not that simple" and that she's just trying her best to not cause drama in the workplace. She's also argued that she's been crushing on him for sigificantly longer than me, which is true, but I don't see why that matters. Am I the bad guy for wanting to ask him out? Should I really just give up and let Sally go at him again even though she already made it clear that she's not interested in him?

Because he's not interested in you.
Or do you hope to get one over on your friend ?

Another here saying they are already seeing each other on the quiet and the whole " she's going to ask him out when she leaves" is just them going public.

I also think Sally could be seeing him already. They are just keeping quiet about it. She's leaving soon anyway so they haven't got long to keep it secret.

But why are you asking, it's clear from your later posts you're going to ask him out anyway. Go right ahead and see what he says.

If she actually rejected him then he is free to ask you out. He hasn't. That tells you all you need to know. If he did go out with you and she left the company and contacted him he would drop you like a stone. Why would you want to do that to yourself.

He works with both of you, he knows both of you, he's not bothered about dating co-workers, but he asked Sally out, not you.

Keep your dignity, keep your friendship with Sally and leave well alone.

Shes shagging him already duh

Are you actually American? If yes ok if not the terminology or co worker/ college etc is so annoying.

He likes her not you. Move on

He'd have made a move if he liked you.

If it were just the case that you both liked him, well, I'd probably just ask him.

But, given that he's already expressed an interest in her and not you, then I wouldn't in your shoes.

Not sure I'd like the idea that he might be with me just to have the opportunity to spend time with my friend; she's already said she wants to ask him our again - if he likes her, then he'd probably jump at the chance.

Doesn't sound like a great idea to me.

If you like him, ask him out. I hate this idea that people "own" other people. But as others have pointed out, he is most likely to say no as if he had been interested he would have already asked. It is obvious that he doesn't have any problem with asking out coworkers.

Why would you embarrass yourself by asking him out, it is clear as day which one of you he fancies......not you OP!!
Would you really want to start a relationship knowing he fancies your friend?
Find someone else to have a crush on and preserve your dignity.

Well obviously you shouldn't allow anyone to 'forbid' you and I'd be questioning my friendship with someone who took that stance with me.
That said, I can't think why you'd want to pursue a guy who is obviously interested in her not you? It's not like he's too shy to make a move as he asked Sally out, so, bluntly, I think its fair to assume he has no real interest in you.
I would also assume Sally is thinking of accepting when she leaves, after sensibly postponing while they were colleagues.
He isn't the only guy in your world surely, so why enter a competition with a friend that you're likely to lose?

Agree sally has something on the quiet

also he likes her , not you

''let Sally go at him again even though she already made it clear that she's not interested in him?''

Sally is emotionally intelligent enough to make a plan - finish school, graduate, get a better job, start a relationship.

Sally does not date co-workers. That's not being uptight, its acknowledging that dating a co-worker can cause problems at work. Its such an issue that many corporations ban co-workers from dating.

It doesn't sound like you like Sally any more, she isn't standing in the way of something you are entitled to. It sounds like the friendship has reached the end of the road.

I wouldn't want to ask out a bloke who preferred my friend.
I'd forever feel like second place.
Oh the one I really like isn't interested but I'll bang the runner up.

No thank you.

You talk about this man like he has no mind of his own and also like he's a piece of meat. You say that your colleague shouldn't "have a second crack at him?" I can just imagine the outrage if a man was on here talking about a woman like this... Plus you sound about 13. Fact is Op, this man isn't attracted to you. Obviously. End of.

You talk about this man like he has no mind of his own and also like he's a piece of meat.

Not sure if this is ironic, or just too damn insightful !

You're not friends, she's a work colleague.

Any indication at all that he's into you?

When she said no to him did she say to him it was because they worked together? If so I wouldn't ask him out. Because when she leaves he'll probably want to try again.

But if às far as he is concerned, she isn't even into him then I'd probably just ask him out.
Life is short. She wasn't prepared to take the gamble. Fair enough. But what do you want to do?

Either way, stop discussing him with her. Don't be tempted to tell her if he says yes.

But as pp said, be aware, they may actually be secretly together. Just keeping it on the down low as they work together.

No harm in asking but sounds like he would have asked you by now if he was interested so be prepared to get shot down, piss her off & be able to spend time with them as a couple down the line

Worse case he's says no, it makes it a bit awkward at work for you, and everyone you work with knows about it.

He could say yes but tbh if he was that interested then he would of asked you instead.

I agree.
Have you thought how you will feel if he rejects you and you have to work together? Will you feel humiliated or embarrassed? If so, don't do it.

Ask him out and be done with it. After Sally’s rejection he might not feel up to asking anyone else out, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.

This sounds like an episode of "Emily in Paris".

@CartoonPenguin
Preserve the friendship first then if it all goes to bits then take the prize?

Seems like you need to choose between the friendship and the chance at the guy.

I think it makes sense to wait until leaving to date a co-worker, and have done the same myself. I'd find it awkward mixing work and a relationship, and if the relationship ended it would be really horrible having to work with them each day.