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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Rude Husband?

36 replies

teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 11:53

So the past week or so DH has done this thing twice to me, second time knowing I found it disrespectful as I politely told him. First time in front of MIL (who BTW is cold hearted, aloof and fake around me), I was washing up the dishes after our lunch and DH was talking to her in the kitchen. I accidently knocked plates in the sink and DH stops talking and says 'I'll continue when the crashing's stopped' - but in an arsey way with a rude tone. I found it really disrespectful especially in front of MIL (they often talk eg when he's driving home from work and I know he discloses stuff to her)

So I was really annoyed and told him later I felt he being rude. Like, I feel a kind or even normal person would say 'oh are you ok' or 'oh do you need a hand love?' (that's what I would say, or would just pause and say nothing)

Then tonight I'm in the kitchen and he's talking, I again knocked a glass over in the sink and it clattered, he goes 'I'll continue what I was saying when the clattering stops' - in such a rude way. I said, that was really rude, he said no it wasn't at all. I said would you say that to a coworker? He said yes I would.

By the way we have had arguments on and off about parenting mostly, he is stricter than me, ie. we've had our issues and it is not perfect by a long shot. I am just wondering though if others would view that as rude if said to them by their DH in a condescending way or would you brush it off??

OP posts:
LiliLil · 21/04/2023 11:54

It’s rude.

DrySherry · 21/04/2023 11:56

I think you might be being oversensitive op.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 21/04/2023 11:56

I would hand him the sponge and tell him I'm going for a shower and to crack on

Chinuplippyon · 21/04/2023 11:56

Definitely rude. Does he ever wash up?

pinkyredrose · 21/04/2023 11:56

Apple didn't fall far from the tree then.

Replitad · 21/04/2023 11:56

So he just stands around talking and commenting while you wash up? Does he ever do the dishes?

Lampzade · 21/04/2023 11:58

He is very rude.

Eggseggseverywhere · 21/04/2023 11:58

Maybe you are clumsy because his attitude is making you nervous?

Lampzade · 21/04/2023 11:58

Eggseggseverywhere · 21/04/2023 11:58

Maybe you are clumsy because his attitude is making you nervous?

This

pikkumyy77 · 21/04/2023 11:59

You aren’t his secret servant or household help. The “clattering” is a normal part of the task. Stop doing the washing up entirely. He can wash and she can dry and they can have all the control over the process they want.

FictionalCharacter · 21/04/2023 12:00

How dare the servant make a noise while the master of the house is speaking! After serving up lunch to him and his mother!

Yes, he’s rude and condescending.

topmypencil · 21/04/2023 12:02

A rude and arrogant man .... nip this op!

Eggseggseverywhere · 21/04/2023 12:03

Maybe you are clumsy because his attitude is making you nervous?

Windinmyhair · 21/04/2023 12:03

He is a rude arse.

Is he normally like this? Or is this just a random one off.

would he actually speak to a colleague like that?

does he have many friends?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/04/2023 12:07

He's being rude and condescending, and it's no coincidence he's saying these things so his mother can hear.

He has contempt for you, and that's a massive problem.

teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:07

Windinmyhair · 21/04/2023 12:03

He is a rude arse.

Is he normally like this? Or is this just a random one off.

would he actually speak to a colleague like that?

does he have many friends?

No he's generally grumpy and rude. He has a big stressful job and I mean quite overwhelming but even so that shouldn't mean I get talked to like I'm a bother. No doesn't have many friends and it's had an affect on limiting my circle of friends over the years too unfortunately. I highly doubt he would speak to a colleague like that but has been made redundant three times so who knows

OP posts:
mbosnz · 21/04/2023 12:08

I suggest if he would speak to a colleague in such a manner, he is not only rude and entitled at home, but rude and unprofessional at work.

If he thinks he can do the dishes so much better and more quietly, then let him crack on. That would be the last time I was lifting a finger in the kitchen for him or his mother for quite some time.

teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:08

Aquamarine1029 · 21/04/2023 12:07

He's being rude and condescending, and it's no coincidence he's saying these things so his mother can hear.

He has contempt for you, and that's a massive problem.

Yes, I know. And of course MIL said absolutely nothing, like the perfect son does no wrong (he's an only child too). He was being a dick. Thanks for confirming. actually feel he tries to gaslight me

OP posts:
teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:11

mbosnz · 21/04/2023 12:08

I suggest if he would speak to a colleague in such a manner, he is not only rude and entitled at home, but rude and unprofessional at work.

If he thinks he can do the dishes so much better and more quietly, then let him crack on. That would be the last time I was lifting a finger in the kitchen for him or his mother for quite some time.

He does do a lot around the house I will give him that. And cooks a lot. Actually a lot more than a lot of mean that said I would rather a kind, nice one TBH

OP posts:
teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:12

pinkyredrose · 21/04/2023 11:56

Apple didn't fall far from the tree then.

yeah.

OP posts:
rwalker · 21/04/2023 12:14

It depends my wife and eldest are a nightmare why shut a door when you can slam it
it just constant noise are u like that

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/04/2023 12:16

|Like mother, like son. Both are awful and the rotten apple did not fall far from the rotten tree.

Why are you with such a man now?. Do you wonder what life would be like without him in it day to day?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/04/2023 12:19

Does he really do a lot around the house?. And he cooks too. Hmmm, methinks your relationship bar could do with a huge raise because it seems to live just about floor level currently.

teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:21

rwalker · 21/04/2023 12:14

It depends my wife and eldest are a nightmare why shut a door when you can slam it
it just constant noise are u like that

No.

OP posts:
teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:24

Eggseggseverywhere · 21/04/2023 12:03

Maybe you are clumsy because his attitude is making you nervous?

No, I'm not nervous around him. Probably was trying to wash up too fast so I could leave the room lol

OP posts: