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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Rude Husband?

36 replies

teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 11:53

So the past week or so DH has done this thing twice to me, second time knowing I found it disrespectful as I politely told him. First time in front of MIL (who BTW is cold hearted, aloof and fake around me), I was washing up the dishes after our lunch and DH was talking to her in the kitchen. I accidently knocked plates in the sink and DH stops talking and says 'I'll continue when the crashing's stopped' - but in an arsey way with a rude tone. I found it really disrespectful especially in front of MIL (they often talk eg when he's driving home from work and I know he discloses stuff to her)

So I was really annoyed and told him later I felt he being rude. Like, I feel a kind or even normal person would say 'oh are you ok' or 'oh do you need a hand love?' (that's what I would say, or would just pause and say nothing)

Then tonight I'm in the kitchen and he's talking, I again knocked a glass over in the sink and it clattered, he goes 'I'll continue what I was saying when the clattering stops' - in such a rude way. I said, that was really rude, he said no it wasn't at all. I said would you say that to a coworker? He said yes I would.

By the way we have had arguments on and off about parenting mostly, he is stricter than me, ie. we've had our issues and it is not perfect by a long shot. I am just wondering though if others would view that as rude if said to them by their DH in a condescending way or would you brush it off??

OP posts:
teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:26

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/04/2023 12:19

Does he really do a lot around the house?. And he cooks too. Hmmm, methinks your relationship bar could do with a huge raise because it seems to live just about floor level currently.

yeah, he does. He does lots around the house and does work 10 hour days. He's not a lazy ass - I was washing up as he'd shopped, prepared and cooked lunch. However, I also feel he does all this stuff so in his head he's ticked the box that said he's done his duty as being the perfect DH and if I don't appreciate him enough, it gives him the right to be condescending

OP posts:
Neandertallica · 21/04/2023 12:28

How fucking condescending op. Tell him he doesn’t need to bother continue talking to you when the clattering stops.

Neandertallica · 21/04/2023 12:29

And tell him you weren’t listening anyway.

2bazookas · 21/04/2023 12:30

Had you ever met your husband and his mother before you married, or was it an arranged marriage where you had no chance to get to know them and assess their manners ?

Neandertallica · 21/04/2023 12:31

2bazookas · 21/04/2023 12:30

Had you ever met your husband and his mother before you married, or was it an arranged marriage where you had no chance to get to know them and assess their manners ?

People can change you know..

ZeroWorshipHere · 21/04/2023 12:33

2bazookas · 21/04/2023 12:30

Had you ever met your husband and his mother before you married, or was it an arranged marriage where you had no chance to get to know them and assess their manners ?

Wtf kind of question is this?

CleaningOutMyCloset · 21/04/2023 12:34

I'd have either handed him the sponge and said 'if you'd rather it was done quietly why don't you finish it off'

Or

'Feel free to go into the lounge and talk, don't let me disturb you'

Although it does sound like now you've told him you find it rude, it'll be his new favourite thing to do to piss you off. In future I'd be telling him I find it. Really rude when he goes out, just so he buggers off and leaves you in peace

teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:38

2bazookas · 21/04/2023 12:30

Had you ever met your husband and his mother before you married, or was it an arranged marriage where you had no chance to get to know them and assess their manners ?

that's a dumb question and you're being inflammatory
most marriages have issues after many years and its all lovely in the honeymoon period

OP posts:
teenmum80 · 21/04/2023 12:42

CleaningOutMyCloset · 21/04/2023 12:34

I'd have either handed him the sponge and said 'if you'd rather it was done quietly why don't you finish it off'

Or

'Feel free to go into the lounge and talk, don't let me disturb you'

Although it does sound like now you've told him you find it rude, it'll be his new favourite thing to do to piss you off. In future I'd be telling him I find it. Really rude when he goes out, just so he buggers off and leaves you in peace

ha, yes the fact he deliberately did it again was because he knows it offended me the first time. Which is really really sad, as I had very politely said I felt it was rude. I didn't get angry or swore, but he can't handle any feedback or anything that may vaguely feel like a criticism.

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 21/04/2023 13:15

If the perfectly normal sound of waahing-up disturbs him that much, he and mummy need to fuck off elsewhere.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/04/2023 13:26

You don't have to live like this you know.

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