Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was I rejected? Hurt and confused

42 replies

Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 15:52

Hi,

So normally I'd just bring this up with dw, but for some reason I don't know how or even if I should.

A few nights a go we were in bed and things were clearly heading in that direction, but then dw just stopped. Of course that's absolutely fine, but there would normally be a reason - tired, headache, but nothing. Just one minute we're clearly both turned on and the next, it stops. I say there would normally be a reason, but this has never happened. Not like this. Of course occasionally one might turn down the other due to tiredness or whatever, but we'd never get to that point and then stop without saying something. I feel rejected, but I don't know if that's right.

We were fine with each other this morning and honestly, that's what's worrying me. I've never felt rejected by her before. I've always felt wanted, even if we're not having loads of sex and has become quite sporadic.Sometimes we're both tired and/or stressed and we don't take it personally, but this was different.

Not that it should make a difference really, but I'm also a woman. I know some will be wondering.

Should I just let it go or ask what happened?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Joopy · 17/04/2023 15:55

Let it go. She doesn't have to give a reason.

Drummend01 · 17/04/2023 15:57

Ask her, the key to a healthy relationship is communication.

Just explain that you thought things were heading a certain way but it was suddenly halted and you wanted to check that nothing was wrong because it’s on your mind. It’s okay to feel rejected but her response might be ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I didn’t feel like it’, if that’s the case then you will have to accept that.

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 16:00

@Joopy of course she doesn't have to. I'm not sulking that we didn't have sex, I'm just confused, as it's never happened. If it were the other way around, she would ask me what was wrong and I'm certain she would be upset.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 17/04/2023 16:02

Ah tbh I think I'd would've asked if everything was okay. Talk to her, she's your wife.

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 16:03

@Drummend01 you're right, it is and our communication is normally really good. That's what's strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 16:07

@OrlandointheWilderness I probably should have just asked at the time.

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 17/04/2023 16:10

I'd just ask her if everything was ok and explain it like you have on here to us that you felt a little confused

Sux2buthen · 17/04/2023 16:12

Just ask, she may have had the sudden urge for the loo or something.

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 16:19

@Tittyfilarious81 I think the more time I've had to think about it the more I'm worried about asking in case I don't like the answer. I had been quite down on myself recently, but then had a bit of a surge in confidence and was starting to feel sexy again, so if it is that just just suddenly didn't want me, it would really hurt.

@Sux2buthen possibly, but I'm sure she would have said.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 17/04/2023 16:20

Never too late @Mintlimeandrum, it's probably nothing.

Tittyfilarious81 · 17/04/2023 16:28

@Mintlimeandrum I understand what you mean op but if you don't have the conversation it will just keep bothering you and that will then eat away at your confidence more . Honestly it could just have been where things were heading that way and then she just didn't feel like carrying it on into full sex so she left it there without realizing it would hurt your feelings.

TheBugWife · 17/04/2023 16:33

I think it's less the lack of sex and more the change in behaviour that is worrying you, I get that, when your partner acts out of character it can be worrying.

I would ask in a casual way, making it clear you aren't sulking, just concerned.

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 16:55

@Tittyfilarious81 I'm sure you're right. I hope she's honest with me.

@TheBugWife yes, exactly that.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 17/04/2023 17:42

You need to ask her. You might not like the answer but if you don’t like the answer then it will come up sooner or later anyway. If there’s a problem it needs addressing sooner rather than later

Watchkeys · 17/04/2023 18:06

I hope she's honest with me

Do you doubt that she would be?

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 18:09

@Zanatdy you're right. I think I'm more worried that she'll say I'm being silly, everything is fine, but only to protect my feelings. I'll know if she's not being honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 18:10

@Watchkeys yes, if she thinks it will hurt me.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 17/04/2023 18:13

Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 18:10

@Watchkeys yes, if she thinks it will hurt me.

So she will lie to you to protect you from the truth of how she feels about you?

Zanatdy · 17/04/2023 18:16

Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 18:09

@Zanatdy you're right. I think I'm more worried that she'll say I'm being silly, everything is fine, but only to protect my feelings. I'll know if she's not being honest.

Seriously take my advice as my relationship broke down with father of my kids due to lack of communication. We swept everything under the carpet and it caused major issues. We have been split 12yrs and those issues are still causing issues to this day. Talk, talk, talk.

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 17/04/2023 18:38

@Watchkeys potentially, I think so. Only if it were a short term issue I think though. If it were bigger, then I think eventually she would be honest.

@Zanatdy sorry to hear that. I'm all for good communication and not letting things just fester and sit, but recently I've been wondering if I actually do need to step back and let things go a bit. Maybe this isn't the right time to do that though.

OP posts:
goodf · 17/04/2023 19:55

I'd definitely ask if she's ok OP.

But do remember though, sometimes it happens that people initiate but then find they are just not feeling it in the actual moment and sometimes there doesn't have to be a readily explicable reason for that.

As long as it's not happening regularly you're good I think 🙂

Tittyfilarious81 · 17/04/2023 23:05

@Mintlimeandrum hope you were able to have a chat with your dw op and clear things up

Original poster
Mintlimeandrum · 18/04/2023 11:31

Well I chickened out last night. I had every intention of bringing it up, but she seemed more affectionate than usual and thought maybe she just wanted to forget about it and move on. Pretty much the same happened again though. We didn't get as far, but she was definitely giving signals, but then just rolled over.

It's difficult to get a minute alone to talk(other than in bed) as have teenage dc who are up quite late now.

OP posts:
BringtheJury · 18/04/2023 11:35

Just send her a text ' is everything ok ?'

Watchkeys · 18/04/2023 11:37

Why does her being affectionate mean that you want to bring it up less? I thought that would make it more conducive to say something like 'I've been meaning to ask you, were you ok the other night, or was something wrong?'

Do you feel like you're going to create a bad feeling/atmosphere by talking about it? If so, why? What will you say, and how do you think she'll perceive it? You must be anticipating a certain scenario, otherwise you wouldn't be avoiding it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread