Am I overreacting

[Bythesea83]

So in short . My son is 15 . Visiting family the weekend and he’s having a great time . At the dinner table of family member (my side of family) my son is using his spoon to eat as well as knife and fork . My oh (sons step dad )pulls him up on this quite embarrassing saying you’re not a baby you don’t eat like that at home . My son obviously embarrassed answers back . My oh carries it on and a small argument starts at dinner table . Quite cringing 😬
I didn’t say anything but was annoyed and today when alone with oh have tried to bring this up and he says he did nothing wrong but I feel that if he just left it then no one would have felt uncomfortable as it’s not a major thing but I feel my oh is just a confrontational person . ( a 40 year old at the table also used a spoon )
I know all this may seem petty but I just feel my son was made to feel silly In front of his family when it wasn’t necessary as we weren’t exactly out in a restaurant . Am I overthinking and am I wrong for not agreeing with this

I would expect him to acknowledge it was over the top and unfair on your son. It’s horrible to have to live with someone who picks at you and causes embarrassment and bad atmospheres whatever their relationship is to you.

@Tidsleytiddy
i know I think in the moment I could have jumped in and said that but as I said I didn’t want to escalate and just cause bigger row so hence I calmed the situation
man’s when I sit here I do think he does never eat a Sunday lunch with a spoon as well as knife and fork lol as you say he’s 15
but I just thought really at the time was it such a big thing and did it even really matter
I just think now looking at it
my oh said something thinking my son would just laugh it off and stop and that would be it
but my son was quite defensive and a bit rude back due to being embarrassed and it just escalated
a big something over nothing really

I wouldn't have make a big fuss about it at a family meal. I'm not into publicly humiliating people.

But, why on earth is your 15 year old eating a roast dinner with a spoon like a toddler? Surely you taught him to use a knife and fork at preschool age? I wouldn't actually be OK with a 15 year old using a spoon to eat a roast, but I would have dealt with it at least 10 years previously, and sensitively and privately at home, probably with reward charts and stickers! I can't imagine why any 15 year old would eat with a spoon unless there was a reason for it (broken finger or similar).

Peas seem to be the cause of a lot of table manner disagreements.

@Specso
yes that’s what I don’t want to happen
that’s why I’m nipping it in the butt now so to speak
I’d not want anyone to live in a home they feel they cannot be their self or comfortable in
I’d hate my son to feel like that
they do seem fine today with each other

@mrsm43s
my son never uses a spoon to eat a dinner the spoon was set out for dessert after but he picked the spoon and started eating the peas gravy etc
hence why my oh said something as if he normally ate like that with a spoon my oh wouldn’t have said a thing
my son knows how to eat and was taught how to eat
but I felt my oh could have left it as it was just our close family etc and wouldn’t have caused any problems or embarrassment at the table

@Liorae
this is what I said at the table along with runny gravy to lighten the mood lol 😂

@Bythesea83 do you often have to ask in the right way? What could you have done differently? You waited until you were in another room lace time so you could challenge him without conflict but it's still there. I wonder how the 40yo felt when your OH had a pop at your DS.

@Acornsoup
the 40 year old wasn’t in the room at the time and when they did it again the mood lightened as they kind of looked and said what so we all including son and oh had a giggle
but I feel yea I may get very defensive of my son as I’m a mum I think it’s natural really but sometimes wonder am I over defensive

It might have been poor table manners, but it was far worse manners to point it out and tell him off in front of everybody.

Help my 8 month old grandson wakes in the night every 45 mins or so and either screams or cries , he settles back down straight away . Is this something the parents should be concerned about?
he is bright and mostly happy baby , progressing nicely , healthy , he has done this pretty much since birth but has become more frequent over last 2months
he has cut his bottom two teeth and no signs of further teeth eruption .

Poor table manners to eat with a spoon? You do realise that you still won't be invited to tea at Buckingham Palace despite only eating with a knife and fork?

You need to start your own thread @Mysunburst

I don't think you are being over defensive - trust your gut

The gravy is one of the best bits of a Sunday dinner, especially if it’s made with the meat juices. I’d be wanting to use a spoon to make sure I didn’t miss any of it. Maybe next time your son should just pick up his plate and lick it clean. May as well give your DH something to really get excited about🤷‍♀️

You were in the comfort of family and your DS used his spoon to finish off his peas and gravy?
FFS I couldn't get worked up over that.
Did they not have another spoon for dessert?

@rainbowstardrops
yea if they wanted one it wasn’t formal
just dinner at a close family members

You sound very calm and laid back OP. I’m not aggressive but I’d have said what I posted earlier and today I’d have said to OH “don’t do that again”.

Picking up your dessert spoon to eat peas? I think I would have said something too, tbh. Your DP probably commented on if because he was embarrassed and didn't want your family to think he and you hadn't taught your son properly at home. Hence the, 'What on earth are you doing? You never do this at home.' type of admonishment. Using a piece of cutlery for the wrong course is bad table manners.

One doesn't serve foods requiring a knife and fork for tea 😉

😂😂😂

By looking at all the responses on here I think it clearly shows everyone feels differently
as to some table manners etc mean a big thing to others they aren’t so important
im All for table manners I just think having dinner with close family and rather than it causing a commotion it could have been left no harm done
but on the other hand maybe if my son hadn’t had such a reaction to this it wouldn’t have carried on msg now I’m kind of thinking it’s just one of those things or times where things get taken out of proportion
Thankyou all for your comments and each opinion as just shows we are each different and not one person is actually right or wrong

Wow they'd hate me then. I use a knife and fork when out but if im at home, I use a big spoon to eat whenever I can. If something requires other cutlery then I will. I am neurodiverse and I wonder if it's something to do with that.

But I couldn't give a damn if someone didn't like it.

I don't know why adults feel the need to shame kids or teens for things like this that mean absolutely nothing. Whether it's the food itself or the way someone eats, it has nothing to do with anyone else.

Your son is going to remember this now and will feel shame everytime he does it. This is also how eating disorders can start over something as innocuous as this.

Tell his stepdad to back off and let him do whatever he wants. It's not for him or any adult to shame him.

Obviously if he was throwing it all over the floor just to be slob (Not nd or any other reason) I can understand intervention where manners are considered but this is such a non issue. Show your son you'll have his back.

Oh sorry , new to site , I’ll try and start a new thread

I would like to thank each of you for your responses
I have now asked kindly if they can remove my post as I feel I may have said too much maybe
so Thankyou all for your points of view and feed back xxxxx