What to do SAHM

[1to10andstartagain]

Have been with my husband 22 years . Married for 4
Always been a good partner despite age difference . 14 years my junior
I was in a professional job , reasonable earner with own house . He was new to area and we started going out . I was anxious because of age difference and messy break up four years earlier and not really looking for a relationship, happy single woman when we met .

He was different to my usual type , kindhearted , loving and respectful. We had great holidays and moved in to together I never felt so sure .
We had Dd after 7 years together and bought our first joint home . My original home stayed in my name and is rented .

When first Dd born I went back to work part time and my partner was doing well in his career . We had 2nd Dd 6 years later and I returned to work . My job became less flexible and my (now ) husband had opportunities to earn more and work away so we agreed for me to became stay at home mum in 2018.
Then covid
Now I hardly recognise my husband . He says he loves his job but he is short tempered especially if he's had even 1 drink , he seems bitter , sniping back that I don't earn money and it's all on him .
We have a big mortgage and I've supported him through redundancy. He now works away 2 nights a week

I've given him option to sell our house and live with smaller outgoings
I've said I'm happy to return to work once I have recovered from an operation pending , but will have to work out childcare for youngest in junior school

He seems really unhappy and makes plans for weekends away without asking
Next one is next bank holiday 4 days
Last year was 3 weeks in Spain walking

I know he has s stressful job but he's around less and less at weekends .
I can only see friends at weekends so I have started seeing for lunch every couple of weeks on a Saturday for a few hours . But there is always some comment about me being home all week.

I'm really unhappy that our relationship is now like this .

He is not seeing another woman I know for sure . He just seems really unhappy and I'm getting the brunt of it all

@5128gap

I can relate
I haven't any evidence of pre drinking but he's always the one asleep in the corner at social gatherings lately .
My patience has run out , this and his selfishness has killed my love for him . I have to accept this is him and lose the memories of many happy years with a man who I loved very much

This relationship is dead. He's arranging holidays for himself without discussing with you or including you or the kids - you are not factoring in his thoughts at all. He's made a mental shift and you are now live-in childcare to him. He's made it clear he doesn't want a marriage - you need to take control of the situation instead and force a change.

You mention your mum. Do you have the option to take the kids and stay with your mum for a while? Then see a solicitor for some legal advice about selling/splitting assets.

It’s over but he can rumble on because he isn’t about much and probably feels some obligation to wait till the children are 18 and about to leave. Similar situation happened with my friend recently. He was just biding his time. She had fortunately started working again a couple of years before.

Today I'm meeting with a friend
He's being all nice saying he'll pick children up and have a nice time

I don't think he realises I'm serious with what I said last night x

I think it’s ultimatum time, either he agrees to couples counselling, or it’s time for a divorce. He doesn’t get to dictate that you stay home, cook his dinner, look after his kids, wash his pants, and then moan that you’re not also paying bills. Why does he think it’s ok for him to just pay bills and not do the other stuff too if that’s what he thinks is reasonable? He sounds like he has no respect for you at all.