Old, isolation and finding friends / a new life

[4u2no]

I’m 59, been divorced for 5 years, no children or family, live in west cornwall, self employed , work from home.make,
Thought when I left my ex, living in a small village by the sea, after a month or sol I’d know most of the village from going to the pub a couple of nights a week, try an evening class in Italian, and find someone from internet dating,
5 years later, I ve been the only person to turn up to 3 Italian courses at the local college,
I ve tried solos holidays, meet up groups
tried every dating website, app, even introduction agencies, spent over £6,000 to have 4 unsuitable dates, if I do get a conversation from a dating app as soon as I say my location , the conversation ends
I ve tried 4 different councilors, to be told there’s nothing wrong with me but I need to love myself, and to be more confident as confidence brings success,
surely success brings confidence,
I’d describe my self as from a professional background, well dressed, most people would describe me as a gentleman.
I tired of sitting in different pubs on Saturday night and no one to even talk to,
‘doesn’t help it’s a holiday area, but it’s hard to strike up a conversation with a family on holiday

any ideas as to where or how I can find some company apart from moving to somewhere completely new,
‘but is that even moving to solve the problem or moving the problem somewhere else

You seem quite curt and judgey @4u2no - do you think this comes across in chats in real life and online? The biggest turn off is a man who seems to want to take out his bad experience of life on you.

The OP sounds like my late Dad, lonely and bored, but full of ‘I can’t do that because…” excuses for remaining miserable. He was a grumpy old sod till the end. Beware, OP!

That’s what I’m trying to avoid and why I’m trying to change things,

But you aren’t! Almost all suggestions made here have been rejected without even trying them, in just the way my Dad did it. You don’t want to mix with people who are different to you, you don’t want to volunteer, you don’t want to go to church because you don’t do religion, and so on. You are already well on your way to my Dad’s fate.

There are some brilliant ideas on here to help you.
Try to strike up friendships rather than romantic relationships. That might take the pressure off.
If you’re interested in cookery, why not try that. You can invite people around for supper to try out your new skills. That could be a spring board to all sorts of opportunities and could be fun. Ladies love a man who can cook.

On a positive note I have a female friend who went on a solo holiday. She met a widower who lives in Liverpool. She lives in Devon. They commute a bit but on the whole just meet up as romantic holiday mates and to avoid single room supplements. They’re both in the 70’s. Neither wear hoodies or caps! They don’t want to live together but have some fabulous breaks away in the UK and abroad.

I have another divorced friend who met her widowed chap when she was in her mid sixties. OLD was a success for them and until recently they lived a couple hours apart. He’s recently moved slightly closer. They’ve been commuting for ten years. Works for them! WhatsApp video links keeps them going between stays with one another.
Life turns on a sixpence. Don’t give up.

Whilst there's not an easy answer to this, I think the way to look at this is not to imagine that each new class, meeting or venue will present you with your bosom buddies or new life partner. Rather, it's a way of nudging your social life in a new direction. It's easy to walk into a place and see people with disappointing fashion choices and think there's not much point. But each of them will have their own social circle of friends and relatives and that'll increase the chances of finding someone you'll get along with eventually. Personally, I need more people with nose piercings and tattoos in my life, but it doesn't mean I dismiss those who don't! If it was me, I'd have pushed that health professional a bit more when they said something about coming to give a talk to their team. Were they serious? "Yes of course I'd be glad to". Imagine it - a room full of people; more to the point a room full of social networks. If they like it, you'll get invited to more. "Oh, can you come and talk to my colleagues in the Redruth outreach team?" Before long you'll be the west country's expert on combatting loneliness. I'm not being sarcastic here. Rather, I'm saying that there are opportunities in every encounter if you're willing to mine them. I'm sure you must do something similar in your business, so a comparable technique in your social life might pay dividends.

I'd rather die than go to most festivals, but you need to pick and choose. Finding the right one is heaven, just a nice collection of people in a field with their barriers down.

Narrow mind = narrow life, OP, be careful!

Given your preferences, you do seem to have picked the wrong spot to live...