Grandparents have no time for their grandchildren

[teamonster34]

I have 2 children 16 and 14. My parents have no interest in any of the children really and have never helped out. The one time they had them for a sleepover when they were about 9 and 11 they sent them to bed at 630pm so they could watch a film and we promised not to send them there again.

My mum always said to me when I was late teens early 20's and in relationships that she would never ever help out with her grandchildren because her life was on hold for 18 yrs and now it is finally coming back. they have always had a real issue with my son because he is autistic and has very obscure interests for a teenage boy and because they have nothing in common with him they seem to be constantly mean to him and always putting him down and telling him at 14 he should be out the way with his mates so that I (his mum!!) can get my life back!!! Me and DH have never had a night away since the time we left them with them about 7 yrs ago. We have asked several times and there answer is they are always busy - now kids are older we asked again because it will just be a case of staying over at our house and keeping an eye on them - my mum wants me to leave them home alone for a couple of nights - she says I do too much for them and they need to man up. they should

I find it really hard that they have no interest what so ever in their grandchildren and it really hurts me when I see other grandparents with their grandchildren. I did ask them once why and my mum said that looking after children is the most numbingly boring thing she has ever had to do and now she doesn't have to do it she won't. She says she feels really sorry for me because my children are always needing me for something and I need my life back now they are older. My dad is exactly the same and looking back when we were kids I rarely spoke to him because I thought he hated me -i now know he just couldn't cope with kids getting in the way.

When they were little and they had no interest I thought as the kids got older they would get better with them but they seem worse with them now. They are in their late70's now and we don't see them often because kids don't particularly like them and the last couple of times the kids have been about they have said why can't I ever see then without the kids!! Although my mum has said in 2 yrs time when my DD is 18 she will take her on a cruise but my DD doesn't want anything to do with her!!

They are a bit better with my brothers kids because the eldest one enjoys helping out with practical stuff ie building and hammering etc which my dad likes so they make things together.

My mum doesn't speak to my aunties anymore because she gets fed up with them constantly having their grandchildren.

Anyone else's parents like this?? It seems so sad that there is no relationship between my parents and my children.

Maybe age is a factor? You say they are late 70's now, which means that they were 65 ish when you had your children?

My Mum was 50 when I had my 1st child, and 52 when I had my 2nd child. She was a hands on Nanna because she was so young.

When my sister had her 2 children, she was 68 years old and 70 years old respectively! She did babysit, but found it absolutely exhausting in a way that she hadn't in her 50's.

There is absolutely no way she would have babysat in her late 70's, if she had made it to that age.

I make a huge effort to see my DGC twice a month. They are 200 miles away. Can't wait till they are a little older so I can see them more.

Sorry your mum is so crap OP.

You really do need to let this go, they aren’t going to change.

Mine very much the same, can see both sides. It does upset me when I see other children in the playground with their grandparent/s.

I can count the number of times my dc saw their paternal grandmother on my fingers, she was uninterested and her dh didn't want anything to do with the kids because he wanted children of his own and couldn't (shouldn't have married an older woman!) some grandparents are simply not interested. Ironically she complains my now adult children never visit her (but do visit my parents) despite the fact she ignored them as kids!

My mum and dad are gone now. I still get teary at my kids’ milestones. My daughter will be 18 soon and I know her grandparents would think she is the bees knees and would chew the ear off anyone who’d listen about her. They adored their grandchildren. Worshipped the ground they walked on. It was lovely to see. I miss them.

It's awful OP, my parents have never been interested in my kids but use my kids to gloat to their friends when socialising. They reap what they sow. My youngest said he does not even know his Grandad, my dad. My dad although around, never showed any interest is my brother or I either. Does make me question why he bothered having kids in the first place.

Now I just don't care what they do. Both of mine can see them for what they are. They drew their own conclusions.

OP, I made the comment about autism as I’m autistic, my husband is, his mother (who finds being a grandparent hard)is and many members of both sides of our family are. I’m also finishing up a PHD in autism studies.

I am happy to be pm’d if you’d like to discuss the basis for my opinion.