Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What does it feel like just after you've walked out of a marriage?

42 replies

Fran490 · 15/04/2023 00:01

What does it feel like the evening/day after you've walked out on your marriage?

Do you feel relieved, sad, numb, happy?

I haven't been married long but my husband has been unkind towards my friends and family, and I'm struggling to see a future.

To walk out feels like a huge and drastic step. I can't imagine how it would feel in the moment, so I thought I'd ask here?

OP posts:
Equalbutdifferent · 15/04/2023 00:02

Like being on holiday.

Squishedstormtrooper · 15/04/2023 00:05

All of those things. I was devastated because my marriage was over and the friendship I’d built with my husband was ending. Mostly though I felt a rush of calm and relief. Like a pressure valve had been released.

What really helped me to make my decision was getting out of the situation and really thinking it through. Lots of solitary beach walks and I used the employee assistance programme at work and spoke to a councillor so that I could work through my feelings. If you have this option I would really recommend it.

Pseudonamed · 15/04/2023 00:12

I felt like I had won the lottery and had a gastric bypass at the same time. He was a horrible bastard and I will never regret ending my marriage.

Sageisthenewblack · 15/04/2023 00:16

Once the dust had settled and I bought him out of the house,it was just pure relief.
Like the poster above it feels like a holiday everyday without him here, it's been 5 years now and I'm still feeling like I'm on cloud 9

OhMerde · 15/04/2023 00:46

Horrendous. My decision after 18 years but not one I wanted to take. I couldn't take the abuse any longer but I'm now lonely, have raging anxiety, a lot of resentment and everything feels futile.

nightlightss · 15/04/2023 00:52

Elated. Things were tough for a while but I don't regret it for a second

passthegingordon · 15/04/2023 00:52

Disorientating but also a massive relief.

Ponderingwindow · 15/04/2023 00:53

Terrified. Exhilarated. Relieved. Guilty. Panicked. Happy.

it was one of the best decisions I ever made, but that first day is tough. No matter your reason for leaving, ending a marriage is a momentous life event. It brings lots of big emotions.

whatsoccuringnow · 15/04/2023 00:58

Completely numb, in shock, sick, and so unbelievably relieved......it felt unreal for about three weeks. 9 months on now, still struggling with logistics/legal stuff but I'm free of him!!!

BritInAus · 15/04/2023 01:01

Elation, a huge weight lifted, sense of disbelief, massive relief, a real 'wow I've finally done it'.

i have never ever ever heard of a woman say she regrets leaving an unhappy marriage / loser of a man.

yet half the posts on here every day seem to be women planning how to leave etc.

im sorry you're in this situation. There will be difficult moments, but happiness is on the other side.

cloudybranch · 15/04/2023 07:47

Like I had done a sky dive (and I never want to sky dive ever). On adrenaline and exhilarated. Felt I could conquer the world. I'd done it and world hadn't ended. Euphoric.
That wore away and I'm now grieving, which I see as natural and a healthy reaction. I do not regret it for one second.

Epidote · 15/04/2023 08:10

I was dumped last November (he was cheating and left trying to put all the blame of me) I felt guilty and lonely the first two weeks then I started to think that it was for the best, the relationship was awful and he was taking me for granted this last ofe over s month. After a month I started to feel calmer and making my way. Now it is the best that could have happened to me. I came to the conclusion that even wanting it I couldn't be able to fix things if he didn't want to collaborate.
I've organised my life and my DD nicely. We got just a normal standard house when we come back from our day with a very simple life. No more walking in egg shells or overthinking if he is going to be in a good or bad mood. So the main felling I got now is relieve. In the future I will be looking for more activities for me and DD but at the minute I love to enjoy the evenings not wondering when he is going to snap and make our life miserable. DD is taking it well and that is a huge relieve that make the transition easier and smooth. If she were in distress I probably wouldn't be able to get to this stage that quick.

northernnurse · 15/04/2023 08:51

Massive relief! Peace, no more walking on egg shells. He was abusive, emotionally. Sadness, depression, came later but after two lots of counselling and 2 years on, I'm feeling like I'm getting back to the happy, optimistic, person I was before, if a little battered round the edges. But most of all I have a happy home for my children
Do it, one step at a time, life is far too short

Original poster
Fran490 · 15/04/2023 14:10

Thank you so much everyone for sharing your experiences.

I hear lots elsewhere about how people regret getting divorced. I'm sorry for those where that is the case. And I can imagine there are often very mixed and confusing feelings.

But it is interesting to hear from those here who never looked back, when the relationship has been toxic/abusive.

OP posts:
Bowbowbo · 15/04/2023 16:07

Relief. Utter conviction that I had done the right thing, which hasn’t wavered for one second in the 8 years since. Freedom.

perfectcolourfound · 15/04/2023 16:12

Relieved. Jubilant. Free.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/04/2023 16:16

I slept properly that night for the first time in a year. I was shit scared about money and where I’d end up living but on my sister’s sofa I finally felt rested and at peace and things fell into place pretty well within a few months.

I wouldn’t have the life I enjoy so much now if I hadn’t woken up one morning and thought fuck it I’m going. His reaction told me how right I was. Prick.

Inthebathagain · 15/04/2023 16:25

That first night, overwhelming sadness. Anger. Hurt. Worries for my children. Wondering how the split would work and how nasty XH would get.

That was soon overtaken by grief at the end of my marriage. Not missing him, but the thing I had committed to for life was gone.

And slowly things all fell into place. And as they did, I rediscovered me again. The wonderful person that had been suppressed for years came alive again. That shit of an XH kept throwing curveballs at my kids and I and I kept batting them off in style.

Before it ends, you wonder how it will all work out. When you make the call, you find it all comes together as you take each step forward. All the best.

Skybluepinky · 15/04/2023 16:26

Euphoric

TotallyLosttonight · 15/04/2023 16:33

It's scary, feel a bit adrift at times. Grieving for something I thought I had, for the future I pictured when I got married. Grieving family time that won't happen any more. However, I do feel a sense of relief that it is done, as hard as it was. It didn't happen overnight, although the decision did. Things came to a head one night when I found out what he had been up to and I told him it was over. I never wavered from my decision, no matter how sad I felt. I definitely don't regret the decision, although I am still grieving. He was emotionally extremely difficult to live with, I lived my life around him on eggshells and it is refreshing to be myself, without second guessing my words and actions all the time. I made the decision at the start of February, so more than 2 months ago.

I also feel sorry for him, thinking of him alone in his new house makes me sad. That's a bit daft really as it is entirely his own fault that he is there, but we were together for nearly 20 years and you can't just switch your feelings off.

Eviebeans · 15/04/2023 16:45

At the very very beginning- as if I’d closed my eyes and run straight into a brick wall -
after that almost hysterical- then relief -
free to do what you like, when you like etc
not a single regret

Buildingthefuture · 15/04/2023 16:45

He was violent and abusive and I had to do a runner. It was hideous. He didn’t know where I lived after I left but he knew where I worked and he kept turning up, threatening colleagues etc. Mortifying, so frightening and just awful. He got bored after about 3 months and things calmed down. He refused to divorce me though and refused to be served with divorce papers. In the end, I had to PAY the rancid bastard to divorce me (I had always been the higher earner) and I walked away with literally nothing. STILL the best decision I’ve ever made. My life now is literally unrecognisable (I’ve been happily remarried for years) and I honestly cannot believe the shite I put up with!!

Ghislainedefeligonde · 15/04/2023 17:34

Main emotion for me is relief
I also feel scared, sad, heartbroken
Its very early days for me though, and we will have to share house till it sells which will be very difficult I’m sure

Knickerthief1 · 15/04/2023 19:18

I felt huge relief initially. I had thought about it for quite a while and felt so scared of doing it. Later I grieved what I thought I had. I arranged counselling on my own with Relate - I found it really helpful as it demonstrated I was in an abusive relationship and was doing the right thing. That was a long time ago and I never regretted it (I sometimes have a nightmare that I am back with him and have to split up again!). Now been married twenty years to a wonderful man.

CantWait01 · 15/04/2023 19:21

The night after, as I shared a takeaway around the table with my dc, one of them said, Mum why are you happy?

it just felt like relief that we could relax and do our own thing without his ‘presence.’

Swipe left for the next trending thread