Honest opinion on my relationship wants and mens reactions.

[prettyteacup]

I have a private on line dating profile in that I have no photos up but explain that this is because of the Beattie of my job.
I work in family law/ safe guarding and there are some men who are involved in these cases , on line and I don't want them making the connection.
I am upfront in that I'm happy to share photos etc once we've matched and that's what I do.

I've matched with loads of men.
The problem is that the majority are married or single
Looking for sex solely.

I have written that I would like a long term
Committed relationship but that it would need to be relatively casual as I am
Time poor .

The problem is that when I express what I want , which is meeting weekly for dinner/ cinema: drinks/ hotel / walks , I get met with more requests for sex.
I want a real relationship where we are each other's special person.
Committed, supportive , friendship and sex too but I have explained that I will never blend and and never have a man live in my home while my children are there .. another six years. I've explained that I want this pocket of joy just for me but it still attracts sleazes or men saying that if they said that , they'd be accused of being creeps and get shitty with me.

Where am I going wrong ?

The no photo thing is a thing. Are you swiping or messaging men's profiles that don't have photos? The photo is the most important thing, if there is no attraction you can't proceed no matter what is written.

*Slow the hell down! Walks, cinema, dinner, hotels? WAY too fast as a starting point. Guys (and I know many) will run a mile at reading that. Play it VERY COOL. Not aloof or hard to get, just be casual and relaxed.

Few guys want a woman who has a list of demands from the get-go. You will come off high maintenance and for the most part men don't need that aggravation*

Really?? Saying you're hoping to meet someone for walks, or dinners, or cinema, will send guys running a mile?! Is that not pretty normal to say what kind of thing you like to do, so someone can see if it's similar to how they like to enjoy their time?

Saying you'd like to meet up with someone for dinners and walks, suggests you are "high maintenance" and "men don't need that aggravation"? How much more relaxed is she supposed to be, if stating she'd like to go for a walk counts as high maintenance? I find this bizarre.

Bumble has an incognito option where only people you swiped right on can see you. Would that work for you?

You can find what you're looking for. I did. But I've been OL dating for a few years, so it wasn't quick. But I also enjoyed the process.

I just say I'm looking for a committed long term relationship but not looking for getting married or blending families any time soon. Most men I've met were ok with that, but the relationship didn't progress for other reasons.

@prettyteacup get off OLD. Look at new groups, volunteering, society’s etc and join them to fill the lonely aspects of your life. You’ll meet new people. You’ll have activities to keep you interested and you may meet potential partners in a more natural environment.

I met my partner whilst volunteering at a community centre. 7 years later still very happy.

stop focussing on OLD and I’m sorry to say - unrealistic expectations from it - concentrate on building a more fulfilling life for yourself without the focus being on man hunting. I’m sure opportunities will arise without OLD and the photo thing won’t be an issue then.

Hi Op
I agree to ubove poster,
I think too, you will have a lot better luck meeting in real life through shared interests ,
Goals attainments ...

Even volunteering short stints, too
All kinds of volunteering opportunities out there,
In uk and abroad too..

Thanks so much for such lovely helpful
Responses .
For those laughing at me .. we'll ... need I say anymore ....
I've changed my profile . I've stated exactly what I'm after and what I'm not .
No point in beating round the bush.
It isn't about me , but I feel that if I'm honest I can swerve the creeps .
Thanks again.

I think you come across too intense,
Too focussed on man hunting like they are endangered Species finding a good man,

But to be fair it does seem like that at times,

I agree with ubove poster,
You need to focus on creating a more fulfilling life,

Be open, have a Adventurous spirit, trying out new opportunities that come your way, that are beneficial to your self development growth

Hi Op
I am thinking I know it's a bit of cliche , but a well being retreat , be good for you too,

You come across (in your requests) as though you’re going to be hard work and that anyone brave enough to take you on is going to be way down your list of importance. And then they don’t even get to see what you look like! Who would bother??

Post a classy image of you from behind looking out to a sunset or something - just to give an "impression" of you, so to speak. Otherwise you will just get sex fiends who will do anything

Think of this another way…if someone was saying “I’ve met a new guy but I can only ever see me one day a week and has told me I can never come to his house”, what would the reactions on here be? People would be exploding left right and centre with how awful he is 😂I could never be with someone that restrictive, whatever their best intentions.

OP I think we are in a similar position in that my kids and I have been through a nightmare with their dad; I’d never consider blending families, I have them full time and I work a full time demanding job. I have limited time for dating and a man is not going to be high up my list of priorities. BUT I’m not ready to move to the nunnery yet, I like sex and like male company.

I think you need to be realistic about what you gave to offer, and what you can expect. I am casually dating, but committed and long term are mutually exclusive from casual for the majority of people. On the casual apps I use I see people sometimes specifying they want exclusive but casual and I’m like, huh? Why would I offer you exclusive and committed on a casual basis? Casual means you see each other with no expectations and no commitment. For now this works for me. If I am in the position where I want more then I’ll have to offer more, which I’m unable to do at present. Luckily I don’t want a boyfriend, but it sounds like you do. In which case I think you’ll need to compromise and open up your life a little more. Not easy if your guard is up. I think you’ll either need to drop it, or accept what casual really means.

Tonight after 3 years I have deleted my dating accounts and deleted the apps and I cannot tell you what a weight off my shoulders it is !

How is it going with the man you're chatting to? Maybe you won't need your o.l.d profile for much longer.