Help me deal with my sexist father!

[SquigglyGum]

I need some advice please on how to respond to my dad. He's almost 80, very well in mind and body, and has always objectified women. He has always since I can remember made creepy sexualising comments about women he sees, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable. For example, he was telling me about driving by the beach the other day and how distracting it was that all the girls (women) were practically naked, in the g string bottoms etc. I'm not sure what he wants me to say to this? I sometimes come out with things like "I wonder what their personalities are like" just to humanise them a bit. He also says he loves taking my kids to the park because he gets to "chat up" the young mums. He really means he gets to talk TO them but the language he uses makes me feel gross. He openly enjoys the ego boost of speaking to good looking young women, and it just creeps me out.

I think I need some stock replies to this stuff, as in the moment I get so cross that he is such a misogynist I can't see straight. Any ideas?

Just to set the context, he definitely believes that the sexes are naturally unequal biologically, and that women's role really is to care for children and not be in the workplace so much. He uses language like "airhead" to describe accomplished, well educated women that he doesn't agree with.

Thanks in advance.

Treat him like he’s senile, even if he isn’t

God he sounds disgusting, even just being like that but to say it to his daughter?
It's like he hasn't got that boundary there, did he ever make you feel uncomfortable growing up?
I couldn't be around him. But if I had to I would say you're a disgusting old man, those women are young enough to be your granddaughter. What a saddo.

"Dad, that's a horribly sexist remark and I don't want or need to hear it" each and every time.

Or ask if he needs a dementia assessment with his GP because crude remarks are a sign of failing inhibitions...

I can’t see him changing now tbh.
Just tell him it’s a horrible remark every time. But like I say he’s being doing this for a long time.

"Careful dad, people might think you're a dirty old git."

Are your parents still together?.

I would stop visiting him entirely. You do not owe him anything let alone a relationship here. His actions are not yours to carry and you are not responsible for him.

I wouldn't allow my kids anywhere near this vile man.

I agree.

"Shame for you that they just see a dirty old man then. Isn't it?"

Is pretty much what I said to a man I dated who would make these kind of remarks. Obviously, I didn't date him for very long.

It might not seem much but a simple comment like that seems to really dent their ego! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why on earth do you let this foul creature take your children to the park alone? What kind of nonsense is he filling their heads with? And how much attention is he paying to them if his primary objective for taking them out is to lech over mothers who are simply trying to have a nice time with their children?

It won’t change, but you can just say, ‘You sound like a sex offender’, or ‘They’re likely humouring you because they feel sorry for you’ or just don’t respond as all - just change the subject. I’m guess he’s doing it in part to get a rise out of you. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Cut contact as much as possible.

"Dad, that's disgusting. Don't talk to me like that"

And I wouldn't let him spend time alone with your children - god knows what they hear him say.

Dad I need to make you an appointment at the GP you really are just sounding like a dirty pervert and it’s sickening

Bloody hell Dad you chances of getting inside anyone’s knickers is just zero, my vagina clamps shut every time I hear you

Dad you are not senile but you are sounding more and more like a sex offender each day

Dad why do you objectify woman so much do you have sps?
What’s sps? Small penis syndrome

dad if you make any comment like this again in my hearing - I’m reporting it to the police / 50 years I’ve heard your leering, sexist, objectionable comments and today it stops. No
one fancies you, no one likes you and you just sound like an ancient sex offender and everyone gives you a wide birth / you make me want to vomit. From this day forth and I will say it slowly from you - such . The . Fuck . Up. And. Start. Treating. The. Women. Around. You. Better.

I would have lost my shit long ago - just lose your shit totally

you have every right to

"you are sounding like a filthy old pervert again, Dad"

I think I would say: ‘Dad, when you describe women in sexual terms like that it makes me deeply uncomfortable. I need you to stop. Thanks.’

As my dad got older and more ‘right wing’(aka racist), I found the possible dementia card quite useful.

’you know dad, saying socially inappropriate things is one of the first signs of dementia. I think we should keep an eye on you going forward….’

He will never admit the error of his ways/change his mind around his views, but at least he keeps them to himself a lot more now.

The best, most realistic reply on here as yet.

"Don't flatter yourself dad, no young woman would be interested in an old man like you".

"At your age dad you should be concentrating fully on the road as your responses are slower when you're old".

If he wants to be sexist then reply with something that's ageist to remind him of his ageing years.

Please don't say anything about your vagina clamping shut or his small penis.

Why do you need stock phrases? Why can't you just look at him without concealing your expression, and say what you think?

Agreed.

Utterly bizarre thing to suggest. Aside from not making any real sense in the context.

Feels like @Nailsandthesea has read that expression on here and thinks it can apply to ANY situation…

“Do you want to sound like a dirty old man, dad - because you are doing a fine job of it right now!”

This response is the best one - embarrass him. Just calmly, cool, embarass him.

I don't think your children should be left in the unsupervised care of this man.

I would make it clear to him exactly why.

Such men are unlikely to feel any embarrassment whatsoever given they think they are god's gift to women.

I would refuse to see such a man even if he was my dad.

He sounds disgusting and like he gets a kick out of making you - his own daughter, uncomfortable.
Next time he says something I would just say 'look, you are my dad, your sexual thoughts and feelings should be kept to yourself. Anything other than keeping them to yourself is a perverted fetish. Whilst we're talking about it, I don't want to hear any of your thoughts about the women around you either'
If he carries on walk away/hang up the phone EVERY TIME he does it until it sinks in that his behaviour is unacceptable.