Dating in 50s and physical attraction

[Bodensee]

I’m looking for opinions here. If you really like somebody, do they become more attractive to you because you like them? Or can that attraction wear off as you get to know them and they become more familiar?

The reason I’m asking is that I’m seeing somebody I really like. We’re 6 months in, and so far all is good. I’m attracted to him because I like who he is as a person and we genuinely get on, and although it’s early days, it all seems open and honest and straightforward. For context, we’re both in our 50s, both divorced, and have had our share of difficult times. He’s kind, funny, and a great dad to his grown up kids. However, although I’m attracted to him because of his character and overall self, I’m not sure I absolutely fancy him, if that makes sense. He’s not my type physically, although I realise this probably sounds ridiculous as we are pretty ancient! But If he’s standing at a bar or something, I really don’t think ‘phwoar’ in my mind or anything like that. I have done this with previous partners and this has been important to me. Maybe I’m shallow. Does any of this matter? I don’t want to go off him. Physically, I like his face, and his hands, and because we have a lovely time together, it works. The sex is good. The conversations are good. I like him very much and think he feels the same. It’s all a bit new to me really as there are no red flags. But I’m worried I’ll stop finding him attractive as time wears on and I’m a bit scared by that. How important is that absolute lust thing, or am I just being clueless?

Most men and women lose their appeal by the time they're in mid-life, ageing, lack of exercise,genetics, diet, ED, menopause will take its toll.

Take a look at men in their 50s on OLD. Dreadful. Yes, there might be a few exceptions but overall it's pretty awful and certainly not sexually appealling. Not sure what the answer is!

I wouldn’t date someone I don’t fancy. What’s the point? I have to feel desire or I’m not interested.

Imo you’re more likely to get the ick with someone you have phwoar chemistry to begin with which masks the fact you don’t actually like them as a person - like your exH. Chemistry hides a lot of flaws.

Your “type” clearly didn’t work for you so perhaps it’s time to rethink it? It sounds like you were repeating the same mistake.

She does fancy him and the sex is “good” she just doesn’t phwoar him.

My ex was 50 when I met him. I wasn't sure I fancied him at first. I think it's a bit daft to think of types. If I think of all past men I've been with, I'm not sure if they're that similar physically. I don't think I can compare my boyfriends from my 20s with now. I think it's a chemistry thing though. I can see loads of objectively handsome men who I wouldn't fancy.

I did fancy my ex but took a few dates. I loved our physical relationship. I could look at him objectively and not think phwoaaar but I could also look at him and think phwoar because he was and is sexy to me. I fell for him as a whole.

I think you're onto something good. Good sex and someone you enjoy being with. Let yourself enjoy it!

I'm 52 & nearly 18 months into my current relationship and the phwoar factor is definitely there!
My previous relationship which ended 6 months before was 5 years and looking back I spent a lot of it trying to force myself to fancy him and knowing what I know now I think it was more about companionship....
If you're happy with that then that's great, but there definitely is still phwoar after 50 with the right person!

I have been very happily married for 26 yrs to a man who is “not my type”, my type being short, cheeky, tactile, sexy men with strong regional accents.

My husband is 6’2” and although very funny, much less extrovert than my usual “type”. I never fancied tall men and he chased me and persuaded me to give him a chance. He is also from a different country. I don’t know why it works, but it does, and our sex life is great and we are now in our mid 50s. I have surprised myself by seeing a man at a garage or in the supermarket and thinking “cor he’s a bit of alright” and then realized it’s DH.

There is a phrase that men fall in love with the women they find beautiful, while women grow to love the looks of the man they fall in love with. Maybe it’s sexist and stereotyped (!) but I do think it often takes a special man who can love a woman really well, be trustworthy and make her feel loved and cherished. One of these diamonds can be in disguise and appear in a way we didn’t expect.

I would just go with the flow, enjoy yourself and try not to second guess yourself. Relationships can surprise us, we need to try and not pigeonhole what it’s “supposed” to be like. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

I realise this probably sounds ridiculous as we are pretty ancient!

What? That’s such a strange thing to say and way off the mark!

Jennifer Aniston
Nicole Kidman
Naomi Watts
Brad Pitt

Do you regard these over 50s as ancient and unattractive?

Give it time and see how it goes. Only time will tell you as feelings go a certain way. Can't predict anything

Lol, ordinary people do not look like "celebz" who have had oodles of plastic surgery and enhancements. What a silly comparison. It's really not off the mark. Go and parse through OLD and see some real life examples.

@xfan
I am in my 60s and can assure you that there is plenty of dating and sex going on even among ‘ordinary’ people.

There really isn’t a cut off point where you suddenly become undateable. You’ll find out when you get here!

@BillyNighysWife I find that so reassuring as I approach my fifties still single 😊

It depends on what you're looking for - a plethora of sub standard men on OLD desparate for sex. I'm in my 40s and it is dire. Sorry but i can't see how it improves. So no you're not wrong, there is plenty of dating and sex you just need to really lower your bar. An exception here and there but the vast of it is utterly unappealing (unless you close your eyes metaphorically speaking).

@xfan 😆haha, bubble burst. Yes that's probably true. I still have hope that maybe it's piss to meet an actual nice man in real life.

I think it is different older. I don't look a dp in the same way as you would when younger, perhaps my brain forgets I'm overweight and middle aged, so it's about all the other qualities. Very few 50 somethings look like movie stars , a kind, nice man is what's important - a friend advised me that as you age what is important is that you live with your best friend you want to spend everyday with rather then just physical attraction and sex because age and medical conditions are likely to start to get in the way - we have a great life now but I also look forward to just being together pottering around when we retire, not super excitement but contentment (except we plan to overland to Australia first!)

This makes an interesting read...finding the 'phwoar' later in life when dating.
Since my divorce I did old for several years, year on year as I got older it became more difficult to actually connect with someone who wanted to meet up in person. I would say in all that time I only ever dated one man who I felt physically attracted to and went on to have a relationship with. Middle aged, but had been handsome in his youth, There was something about the overall package which I liked, he was confident, amusing, clever, generous etc. During that time I would describe myself as very sexually active.
Fast forward another several years and I am in my early sixties, but still young in my head and have been dating someone for almost a year.
He is kind, attentive, caring and thoughtful, basically would do anything for me. He is still a handsome man, yet I am at the stage I do not want to rip his clothes off, I never have really, but I do fancy him. I know he would like us to be more sexually active.
I constantly wonder if it is different when you are older? As I said I still feel young in my head and forget that I am the age I am. Sex was important to me when I was younger and I never thought I would end up feeling as if I could take it or leave it.

He must do 😀

Actually I was sitting opposite him at dinner last night and was thinking God you’re handsome. So maybe it is full phwoar 😂