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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Girlfriend/friend of 13 years

28 replies

Trucker1 · 12/04/2023 09:10

So I’ve been involved with a girl for 13 years. Started as an affair as she was married, needless to say she’s divorced now. However I seem to believe I’m being used for money. A couple of years ago she had asked me to pay for her divorce round 2 so I paid the 2700 and come to find out 30 days later she goes on a trip with a friend who has talked smack about me but offered no financial help at the time and pays for the trip to Georgia. The problem I have is we haven’t physically seen each other in years as she would never commit to a time or date but my money was good enough? Shouldn’t she have taken the time to actually meet me and stop using excuses? I’ve helped her with 12k worth of help over 13 years and she thinks talking to me for 3 minutes and 2 texts in a day is showing appreciation and that I’m a priority. I believe she has checked out and has no use for me…am I wrong?

OP posts:
BIWI · 12/04/2023 09:11

You have to ask?

Original poster
Trucker1 · 12/04/2023 09:15

Unfortunately yes..I’m the one being told lies of I NEVER USED YOU so I had to make sure I’m not crazy here

OP posts:
toodlesofoodles · 12/04/2023 09:17

She is neither a friend or a girlfriend. You're never getting your money back so block her and move on with your life.

Colinthedaxi · 12/04/2023 09:26

You are a fool and as they say “a fool and their money is easily parted”

Beautiful3 · 12/04/2023 09:27

She isn't your friend or girlfriend, I'm sorry. A friend/girlfriend would see you regularly, and speak to you on the phone every day. You'd go away together, and attend parties/events together. So far, she messages you and asks for money. This isn't normal. She's scamming you, and you're falling for it. I'd block her and move on.

BIWI · 12/04/2023 09:27

Interesting username.

Original poster
Trucker1 · 12/04/2023 09:27

Well when your manipulated yeah your then the fool!

OP posts:
Original poster
Trucker1 · 12/04/2023 09:29

Truck driver lol

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/04/2023 09:30

Don’t beat yourself up. Just walk away and stop all contact

maybe don’t have affairs with married women? There are many reasons why they seldom end well for everyone.

Catwithbigfeet · 12/04/2023 09:33

Have you actually met her face to face or has it always been online chat ?

Original poster
Trucker1 · 12/04/2023 09:39

Haven’t seen her the past 5 years face to face. She’s been divorced for years now but we have kept in touch daily. We made plans 4 years ago to meet but she ignored me the week prior so I said forget it. I paid 1250 to put her in nursing school and was told she’s busy on a Sunday with school work and she’s at some festival with her friends and kids. She’s 37 has 3 kids over 13…I’m just asking to be a priority here and acknowledged but it seems like I’m being disrespected daily.

OP posts:
Name99 · 12/04/2023 10:05

Where did you meet?

Original poster
Trucker1 · 12/04/2023 10:16

Mutual friends 13 years ago

OP posts:
FishChipsMushyPeas · 12/04/2023 10:31

However I seem to believe I’m being used for money.
You either believe it you are or you dont.

I’ve helped her with 12k worth of help over 13 years and she thinks talking to me for 3 minutes and 2 texts in a day is showing appreciation and that I’m a priority. I believe she has checked out and has no use for me…am I wrong?
What does she say when you say about meeting up on person? I dont think a partner should necessarily have to show 'appreciation' for you helping them, you should help each other. Its just how it works. You arent her partner though I dont think.

a friend who has talked smack about me
Are you 12?

Valid8me · 12/04/2023 10:32

OMG I can't believe that anyone is this gullible. You haven't seen her for 5 years yet you call her a girlfriend? She checked out years ago and you certainly are being used for your money.

Do yourself a favour and delete/block her number and find yourself a decent woman who is actually available to meet face to face.

Naunet · 12/04/2023 10:39

These are two separate issues, just because you’ve given her money, doesn’t make you entitled to her time and attention, she’s not a prostitute. Having said that, obviously she’s using you for money - why do you keep giving it to her? Why are you even still in touch with her? She’s not interested in you the way you want her to be, and throwing money at her won’t change that. It’s time to move on OP and put a stop to this toxic “friendship”.

module · 12/04/2023 10:40

Your kindness is being exploited Trucker, yes she is using you.

Time to call a halt to this, tell her you cannot afford to help her with money anymore, and mean it. See what happens then. Good luck.

GoodChat · 12/04/2023 10:43

She's taking the absolute piss out if you. Block her and just forget it.

I'm sorry she's messed you around for so long. You sound like a good person.

Pseudonamed · 12/04/2023 11:05

Yes you are being used. Just get rid of her ffs and take her to the small claims courts to recoup your money. She is a user and you quite frankly are a gobshite.

mrsbitaly · 12/04/2023 11:26

Honestly I mean this kindly, stop just stop.

You clearly have a kind heart, and mean well but you deserve more. She has no time for you and no intention of seeing you. She has you right where she wants and yes she has used you. Maybe not initially but she is now.

Go find yourself someone who will treat you kindly and puts you first.

gerbilcrocus · 12/04/2023 11:44

Valid8me · 12/04/2023 10:32

OMG I can't believe that anyone is this gullible. You haven't seen her for 5 years yet you call her a girlfriend? She checked out years ago and you certainly are being used for your money.

Do yourself a favour and delete/block her number and find yourself a decent woman who is actually available to meet face to face.

I equally can't believe that you're doing this with someone you haven't even met in 5 years. Seriously, just block and move on, and use the money that you'd be giving her to get some counselling to find out how you've allowed yourself to get into this insane situation.

FeelsLikeALodger · 12/04/2023 15:00

Draw a line under this. Block her on everything. Stop this now. She is using you for your money. She doesn’t care about you. Dont give her a reason. Just block and move on. Best of luck

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 12/04/2023 15:59

Gosh, she's been awful to you, it's almost unbelievable

Ofcourseshecan · 12/04/2023 16:44

Trucker, you haven't seen her for five years, and she continues to use you as a free cash machine. You have to accept she isn't your friend, or your girlfriend. She is just using you. I know this may be painful to accept. But it frees you to look for someone better, a decent human being who doesn't see people as an income source.

Best of luck xx

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/04/2023 16:45

Mug