What would you do in this situation??

[LER1234]

So I'm currently co-parenting my 5 year old son with my ex partner. We both have new partners. My partner has met my son over the past couple of months and they get on well and my partner is really good with him.

I work shifts and so does my ex, childcare can be a struggle at times. I asked my ex would he be okay with my new partner watching my son for around 2/3 hours as I was on a day shift and start at 07.30 and and ex would not be able to pick my son up until around 10am. (This was the first time my partner would have my little boy alone) My ex was completely fine with this and I explained to my son who was happy about it.

I rang my partner at around 09.30am to check everything was okay etc and he said yeah that they're both awake and just chilling out, my son was happy etc so I felt less worried. Come to 10.30am and I had missed calls off my ex saying nobody is answering the front door and my partners phone was off. I tried to ring my partner multiple times with no answer. I then got really worried as nobody has a spare key as I've only just recently moved house. I hsd to leave work to go all the way home as I was worried that something had happened etc.

On my way home my ex rang me and said that my little boy had come to the downstairs window and was knocking on but he wasn't crying etc and that my partner was nowhere to be seen. I told him to ask our little boy to open the door from the inside as it locks automatically on the outside. My boy managed to do this and all was fine except my partner was fast asleep upstairs !!!

My ex was obviously not happy about this, the same with me, as it didn't give a very good first impression. As I was already on my way home I decided to go and confront my partner as I was a little angry and so was my ex as our son is only 5.

My partner was in tears and completely heartbroken when I got there and very apologetic. He said that they both woke up this morning and he offered my son breakfast but he said he wasn't hungry just yet. My son then asked could he watch a video on his ipad and climbed into bed with my partner. My partner has then dozed off with my son next to him, but obviously hasn't heard the door or his phonecalls? He is quite a deep Sleeper but he is able to be woken if you are next to him telling him to wake up and he obviously heard my son get up from his own bedroom this morning. But he never seems to hear the door/phone calls when asleep.

I obviously had a stern word with my partner and said how bad it looked and that it looked like my son just had free rein of the house especially with him toddling downstairs and my ex seeing him at the window. My partner is very upset about it and said he will build the trust back up and that he didn't mean to fall back to sleep and that my son was safe next to him and that he had already been awake that morning but had dozed back off.

I know he wouldn't purposely put my son in harms way, but how would you feel about this situation??

This whole thing is fucking weird. You spoke at 9:30 and half an hour later he's so dead to the world he doesn't hear knocking or his phone? 😑

I have to ask is it a common occurrence that people sleep so deeply that they don't hear a phone or someone knocking on the door? At 10 o'clock in the morning? Not even late at night after a long day. I've genuinely never known anyone like this so excuse me if I'm being ignorant. I'd also have serious reservations about leaving them together again. And I have to admit I wouldn't be letting my child in the bed with anyone other than myself or their dad. It just doesn't sit right with me.

He may be trustworthy, but he's shown that he's not able to look after your son/keep him safe.

Doesn’t add up - who is dead to the world asleep at 10:30 am having been wide awake at 9:30 knowing in 30 mins they needed to do a handover with partners ex.

The tears…??!!!

What nonsense.

OP you really need to have your sons insterest at heart here and be honest with yourself.
You might trust your partner but he’s still a stranger to your child! He messed up big time the very first time he’s been left in charge.
The only person to blame here is you OP. I’m sorry to be harsh but I think it’s unbelievable that mothers leave their young children with men they’ve only know a few months. Accident waiting to happen!

Your ex has every right to be furious about this!

What was his reason for not getting up, getting dressed, having breakfast and doing something active (eg; playing, reading, watching tv together) with your DS ... he knew your DS's Dad was picking him up at 10am yet he made the choice to doss about in bed and leave your DS on his own .... He could have gone back to bed after your DS was collected if he was genuinely tired . And why was he so tired ... had he been out late the previous night? He sounds an absolute loser ... I hope you haven't moved him permanently into your home ... it is well know that some men seek out single mothers to live cocklodge with.

Weird your son was in bed with him , why didn't they just get up ?
Also crying and heartbroken??

I haven't taught my child it's okay to get into bed with random men?? I do know this man and so does my child.
You said your child had known him for a couple of months. How long have you known this man? Amazing safeguarding. 🙄

I physically don't think I could fall asleep whilst watching somebody else's child - I'd be on high alert, especially first time!

I wouldn't put my trust into a partner who had only met my child a couple of months ago. I didn't even leave my toddler with my partner to go for a shower until about a year in. I think he's shown he can't be trusted IMO.

None of us are perfect parents - and I have definitely had moments when I've realised I've made the wrong call. You're clearly a good mum but I think that you're right that you've made a mistake. Luckily no harm done.

You made a mistake, if I were your ex and father of the child I would be bloody fuming at this current boyfriend!
I think he agreed to look after your son to be the hero of the hour with no actual intention of putting the work in and looking after him properly.
Personally, I couldn't have a relationship with someone that incapable of caring for a child properly for a few hours, most teenage babysitters would have done a better job.

The OTT crying - deflecting.