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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband posted a photo with his girlfriend

57 replies

Laz1 · 07/04/2023 21:43

Not too sure how to feel about my husband (separated) posting a public picture with his girlfriend on social media, a few hours after seeing DC for the first time in months. We've not started divorce proceedings as frankly I was hoping we'd get back together because of DC, however, I am not sure what his reasoning is.

I'm not jealous as such but I wasn't expecting he'd do something like this. He stopped posting our pictures on SM after our first year of marriage..

OP posts:
3littlerabbits · 07/04/2023 23:12

Madamecastafiore · 07/04/2023 22:41

You should like the photo. That will unnerve him.

sublime!

Cherryayd · 07/04/2023 23:14

Oh I like Madamecastafiore's suggestion. You should do that.

Phoebo · 07/04/2023 23:14

It's a sign he's moved on, you need to too Flowers

Phoebo · 07/04/2023 23:15

Madamecastafiore · 07/04/2023 22:41

You should like the photo. That will unnerve him.

Brilliant!! Do this!

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 07/04/2023 23:16

Phoebo · 07/04/2023 23:14

It's a sign he's moved on, you need to too Flowers

This times 100. Don’t waste your happiness trying to find a nefarious motive.

HappyMe6 · 07/04/2023 23:16

It’s a sign he has moved on isn’t it, you should too op good luck

KnitGoodWomanKnit · 07/04/2023 23:20

Please don't play childish games by liking the photo for a reaction.

Block him so you don't see what he's doing amd be affected by it.

You're separated and he's moved on. There's nothing more to it.

It will be better for you to move on too and just concentrate on co-parenting.

Womencanlift · 07/04/2023 23:25

Laz1 · 07/04/2023 23:09

Yes - a sacrifice for my children.

Why on earth is it a sacrifice for the children? Do you think it’s healthy for them to live in a house where the parents don’t like each other?

They will have a much less disrupted childhood if they are not living in a toxic environment

Leave him behind. Block him and get on with you and your children’s lives.

ConstanceOcean · 07/04/2023 23:26

It's wrong of me to want to get back with him just for the kids.

I’m sorry I don’t understand this.

Its to absolutely no benefit to the kids if you are together, especially if you’re not happy.

I think deep down it is you that wants to get back with him for your own sake.
It may just be that you like the security of being married and you’d rather stick with what you know.

This is also why you are feeling jealous of him posting a photo of his gf.
If you’ve been separated for over a year then it’s a natural progression that he will start posting pictures of his new gf on his page.

Definitely come off his page, there’s no need for you to torture yourself.

Focus on moving on with your life.
Make sure you get maintenance.

Encourage a relationship between him and kids but ultimately there’s only so much you can do.
Theres nothing more heartbreaking than watching your child pine for their parent and them not giving a shit but that isn’t your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty for it.

It has been over a year and he had fully moved on.
Its time you did too.
That doesn’t mean you have to jump into a relationship but you just need to find a way to be happy and content without him.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 23:26

Divorce as soon as possible before more babies pop out complicating matters.

Seriously he sounds a loser don’t waste ur time on this one.

JudgeRudy · 08/04/2023 00:02

Didn't you know he had a girlfriend?

allthelittlelights · 08/04/2023 00:25

It seems a bit of a crap deal for him to come back to you if you don't like or love him.
He has every reason to want someone to love him after all.

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:43

Maybe he's come under pressure from her to go FB official with the relationship or something.

Esp given he's still legally married and they've been together for quite a while.
She might want something definitive.

(Since he's not usually a SM poster).

namechangealerttt · 08/04/2023 00:44

Don't believe this is anything to do with you, e.g. he is trying to prove a point or get back at you. There are people that move on from lengthy relationships very quickly.

It hurts, but use that hurt as motivation to get a divorce finalised.

Mari9999 · 08/04/2023 00:45

OP, your life is not a game. Divorce is serious business. Responding to something on his SM account is childish.

Move forward with your own dignity in tack. Take the necessary steps to gain your freedom. He no longer has to think of you when taking actions related to his personal life, and you no longer need consider him.
What you have in common are children and possibly assets until your divorce is finalized.

YouWithoutEnd · 08/04/2023 00:49

Madamecastafiore · 07/04/2023 22:41

You should like the photo. That will unnerve him.

And comment “Oooh lovely, do I need to buy a new hat?”.

Aaaaandbreathe · 08/04/2023 01:16

Absolutely do not like the photo. You'll look unhinged.

Not a nice thing to see so just block then concentrate on the kids and getting divorced.

NaturalBae · 08/04/2023 01:27

I’m another one saying definitely do not like the photo. No need to play silly games. Ignore it and get on with your life.

He sounds like a loser not wanting to pay child maintenance for his own kids. You should be glad you’re shot of him.

You’ve been separated for one year and don’t even like him or love him anymore.

No child wants to grow up in an unhappy and toxic home with parents who do not not like or love each other.

jammiedodgerfriday · 08/04/2023 02:07

My exH did this when we'd only been separated for 5 weeks, it fucking killed me, especially as I'd had to move out and find me and DD a new home (we lived with his mother). The realisation hit me that he'd probably been seeing his new GF while still being with me (I was right). This was almost 6 years ago, we are divorced now.

Being a single mother while you heart is breaking is the toughest thing in the world. Doesn't sound to me like you are over him much at all, OP, or you wouldn't have checked his SM. A year is a significant amount of time to have passed but it can still be just as raw as at the beginning of the separation.

Block him on all SM. The only contact I had with my exH for about 4 years was text messaging so I couldn't even see his WhatsApp picture. We only ever messaged about our DD.

It does get better. I'm remarried now to the most wonderful man and I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our baby Smile

Still not friends with my exH or follow him on SM, but I'm so indifferent to it all now that even if I was I wouldn't look at his posts.

Imogensmumma · 08/04/2023 02:21

I think you are lying to yourself if you think getting back together will benefit the kids. As a child of parents who separated and got back together, eventually divorcing please don’t! They should never have got back together it was an angry and tense home life and two parents not together is better than together angry, bitter, and resentful!

Start divorce proceedings if he doesn’t have much to do with the DC then support the DC with therapy and love in a stable home environment

Beansinyourears · 08/04/2023 07:29

He's not your husband. He's your ex husband.

Laurdo · 08/04/2023 07:46

Laz1 · 07/04/2023 22:38

It's wrong of me to want to get back with him just for the kids. I would've been 100% been sacrificing my happiness and peace. I definitely do not like him nor love and haven't done so for a while before we separated. I didn't want to divorce in fear of my kids later blaming me for not waiting a little longer and giving 'our' family a chance. My family and his also influenced this decision.

It's not just your happiness you'd be sacrificing though. Kids are far better off having divorced parents than living with parents who don't like each other. They pick up on that. He doesn't sound like much of a father anyway. I'm assuming the childcare was left to you when you were together

Laz1 · 08/04/2023 08:25

Thank you all💐

In a way, I am glad this happened - we're definitely not getting back together and things are just clearer for me now...I need to start divorce proceedings ASAP!

OP posts:
Livelifelaughter · 08/04/2023 09:47

I have been the "girlfriend" in a similar scenario...bf separated 2 years. He told his wife so that she would move on with the divorce and agree finances (which she refused to do before) . I however asked him NOT to put pictures on SM as I thought she might find it upsetting. I suspect he may sense your hopes to reunite and felt this was a way to let you know that he has moved on. I am sorry it is painful.

TheBerry · 26/02/2024 15:05

I mean, maybe there’s no reason behind it? Maybe he’s just moved on and posted a photo of himself and his partner as millions of people do?

Might have nothing to do with it at all.

Just ignore it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or, as somebody else said, like it!