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Original poster

Fuck online dating

53 replies

swearinggran · 06/04/2023 22:39

Has anyone else reached the point where they are no longer interested in dating? I mean in theory a relationship would be nice but at the grand old age of 41 i really can't be arsed with the modern dating culture. It's a shit show and i have decided I'd rather gauge my eyes out than do online 'dating'. Online dating, What a load of fucking old shit lol

OP posts:
ChaliceinWonderland · 22/07/2023 16:21

Agreed sucha relief to give it up.

Livelifelaughter · 22/07/2023 17:41

fedupwiththeguy · 06/04/2023 23:17

Yes. Just turned 40 and can't be arsed with online dating. I have retaken a hobby and I have more success meeting people that way. However, I also got the impression that men seem to also just be looking for hookups in real life. May be covid made us all feel lonely and we are longing for connection. Maybe the offline and online men are all the same and therefore crappy. Or maybe I should get a hobby where people is not drinking.

Yep I met someone IRL massive commitment issues - we are talking about booking a week holiday after 8 months dating. He did OLD before meeting me. So in short the two are not mutually exclusive.

SamW98 · 22/07/2023 17:54

I’m over 50 and OLD seems full of blokes who claim they’re looking for a relationship but in reality just want someone to sext within a few days.
I’ve lost count of the mature adult men who start off with friendly chat then start asking about whether I’m wearing underwear or how big my breasts are. Or if I’m really lucky, the out of the blue photo of their naked arse or in the bath with a few bubbles hiding their bits.

It’s a shit show. I do go out I chat to a lot of different people but even then the last guy I met in a local pub ended up bombarding me with texts all day long while I was at work and then phoning to see why I wasn’t replying - all within 24 hours of meeting him!!

I still live in hope but that hope getting less and less.

Watchkeys · 22/07/2023 18:04

Online dating has made me incredibly bitter and angry

No, it hasn't, it's catered for your need to be.

Make yourself happy before you look for a partner.

GoogleMeNot · 22/07/2023 18:23

Interesting thread. I've had 4 different friends (2 in different continents), express the same sentiment.

I'm married and not looking to date but curious if any one had suggestions on how my friends (women in late 30s) can meet men. They've tried classes (salsa, kickboxing etc) but still nada.

One of my friends met a guy online, made her intentions clear from the start that she's looking to settle down and have children with - after two years of dating he recently declared that he's not keen on having children ever. To me that's very inconsiderate! Not the first time I've heard a similar story.

Appreciate any advice that I can pass onto my friends. Smile

Maiden2021 · 22/07/2023 18:28

A vote for many fake people about everywhere, but more so on online dating.

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 18:41

GremlinDolphin4 · 06/04/2023 23:46

Totally with you, I can’t even manage the online messaging bit! It seems so hard to get men to have a conversation. I’ve had two matches tonight but the messaging has been like pulling teeth and not at all interesting. I’ve had one great conversation but that was before Xmas and then he disappeared on me. It’s rubbish. Xxx

I won’t even reply to anyone who can’t even write anything beyond “hey how’s you” or “hi” or “What’s up” or “sexy”. If they can’t write a full sentence in the very beginning then I don’t entertain them as I know straight away how the rest of the conversation will go.

If the conversation started off ok but has since got to the point you feel like you’re pulling teeth then it’s most likely because they are moving onto someone else.

OLD is the pits, not many genuine men on there who are actually looking for a relationship and the ones who are seem to have issues.

SamW98 · 22/07/2023 18:52

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 18:41

I won’t even reply to anyone who can’t even write anything beyond “hey how’s you” or “hi” or “What’s up” or “sexy”. If they can’t write a full sentence in the very beginning then I don’t entertain them as I know straight away how the rest of the conversation will go.

If the conversation started off ok but has since got to the point you feel like you’re pulling teeth then it’s most likely because they are moving onto someone else.

OLD is the pits, not many genuine men on there who are actually looking for a relationship and the ones who are seem to have issues.

Show quote history

I agree. My heart sinks when I see I have a message and it’s ‘hi’ or 👋 or the worst yet ‘Milf alert 🔥’

I mean how on earth can you respond to that? What impression do they really think it gives?

Lovelynames123 · 22/07/2023 18:59

I've recently gone back to match, the pickings are slim but I've realised it's a numbers game and the more people you chat to and meet the more chance of meeting a decent one.

I've had 2 rubbish dates 2 weeks apart but a good one last night, so meeting again tomorrow. I'm not looking for a pen pal so I chat a couple of days then arrange a meet, and if it's not for me I tell them straight, no messing around.

I have always struggled to meet men, I'm determined that I'm going to actively try this time instead of hoping to stumble across someone. And the physical dating side is at least practice, and reminding yourself what you don't want!

Lovelynames123 · 22/07/2023 19:02

Should say, I've been single for 6 years, worked on myself a lot, am happy, confident and content on my own and I think this shows. You have to be in the right place to date I think

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 19:07

SamW98 · 22/07/2023 18:52

I agree. My heart sinks when I see I have a message and it’s ‘hi’ or 👋 or the worst yet ‘Milf alert 🔥’

I mean how on earth can you respond to that? What impression do they really think it gives?

Show quote history

Yes they are the type of people who have been on dating apps for years and then moan that the quality/ choice of women are rubbish and complain that most of the women are bots/ scammers/ escorts! Yes because all the good genuine women can see past your lazy arse, none effort player attitude lol

Harrypewter · 22/07/2023 19:08

Watchkeys · 22/07/2023 18:04

Online dating has made me incredibly bitter and angry

No, it hasn't, it's catered for your need to be.

Make yourself happy before you look for a partner.

Hallelujah.
Nailed it.

Speedweed · 22/07/2023 19:46

Totally over it. It's a numbers game with a huge lump of luck required, but instead of taking two minutes to buy a ticket and then getting on with your life, old is the biggest doomscrolling , time sucking waste of spare time which could be used to be doing something more interesting.

I miss the days when you could walk into a busy pub, where there might be 50 men, glance round, decide you liked the look of three or so, notice one of the three is sitting with his girlfriend, chat to the second and realise there was no chemistry, before chatting to the third where you'd swap numbers and if he was actually interested he would call and ask you out for an actual drink and chat date - Instead of sending a dick pic or a lame 11pm sexy message so he can wank to your response, before fishing for what is still called a 'date' but is in reality a free prostitution session.

And before all the 'you need to be [happy/confident/insert aspirational adjective before you can meet anyone' fuckers pop up to insist anyone jaded by old is somehow bringing it all on themselves, that is just the nature of old over a certain age. It's just not fun.

RudsyFarmer · 22/07/2023 19:47

Give it a few years and you won’t give a shit about sex anyway. My advice would just be to get a FEB situation and enjoy a good shag while your libido is still high.

Ilovealido · 22/07/2023 19:53

I did OLD in my mid 30’s & did meet a few nice guys through Guardian Soulmates. It’s such a shame that it no longer exists! I also met a fair proportion of time wasters, emotionally unavailable fuckwits & bullshitters.

Newgolddream70 · 22/07/2023 20:01

RudsyFarmer · 22/07/2023 19:47

Give it a few years and you won’t give a shit about sex anyway. My advice would just be to get a FEB situation and enjoy a good shag while your libido is still high.

This with knobs on (or not 😂).

Livelifelaughter · 22/07/2023 20:14

Ilovealido · 22/07/2023 19:53

I did OLD in my mid 30’s & did meet a few nice guys through Guardian Soulmates. It’s such a shame that it no longer exists! I also met a fair proportion of time wasters, emotionally unavailable fuckwits & bullshitters.

Yep...I think some men prefer on line dating because they feel it's more casual...if they dated someone through friends they would be far more accountable. I went out with a guy met through friends I honestly think he wanted something casual but couldn't really say that and then blamed external factors when actually he had massive commitment issues and just wanted someone to fill time with when nothing else to do. With OLD you can move on to the next person without forming a reputation...

lucy6058 · 22/07/2023 21:53

It's so draining, and has definitely got worse in the past few years. A few times men have totally attacked me online after just a few messages, trying to assassinate my character. Others are really hard work, not really interested in learning anything about me, and its hard work trying to establish if we have any common interests.
I dip in and out as I do find it exhausting. The optomist in me keeps popping back, hoping!!!

Savoretti · 22/07/2023 22:17

I think it’s mindset and what you are looking for. I’ve had a great time OLD. If a conversation goes straight to sex then I’m out immediately, but because I am in a confident place myself I find it easy to weed out the weirdos quickly and have met some really lovely guys.
I guess maybe location makes a difference too…

Watchkeys · 22/07/2023 23:25

lucy6058 · 22/07/2023 21:53

It's so draining, and has definitely got worse in the past few years. A few times men have totally attacked me online after just a few messages, trying to assassinate my character. Others are really hard work, not really interested in learning anything about me, and its hard work trying to establish if we have any common interests.
I dip in and out as I do find it exhausting. The optomist in me keeps popping back, hoping!!!

But why do you put any work in? You'd feel less drained if you only conversed with people you really like at every turn. You might encounter very few of them, but surely that's good? You wouldn't want to have to date everybody, so if you only get one or two you're actually interested in, and make 0 effort with anyone else, it'd be much easier.

lucy6058 · 22/07/2023 23:53

Watchkeys · 22/07/2023 23:25

But why do you put any work in? You'd feel less drained if you only conversed with people you really like at every turn. You might encounter very few of them, but surely that's good? You wouldn't want to have to date everybody, so if you only get one or two you're actually interested in, and make 0 effort with anyone else, it'd be much easier.

Show quote history

But trying to establish if your conversing with people you like, is putting the effort in. You don't click on a profile and instantly know if your a good match. There has to be a bit of back and forth. And if im writing a thoughtful message, and getting nothing back or minimal, then that is disappointing.
I'm someone who makes an effort, as what's the point of doing it half arsed.

Watchkeys · 23/07/2023 00:00

I'm someone who makes an effort, as what's the point of doing it half arsed

Being half arsed is different from giving an appropriate amount of energy to unknown people, to avoid being disappointed when they don't fit the bill for you personally. Everybody is incompatible with almost everybody. There doesn't have to be much back and forth before most people turn most of us off. I barely responded to anybody for a year's membership, because nobody made me go 'wow'.

Don't bother with people who don't make you go 'wow'. Certainly don't bother writing 'thoughtful messages' to them. Then it's not a bunch of hard work and one way effort; it's a short conversation with someone you find engaging, even if it doesn't go any further.

Sounds like you invest too much for your own energy levels.

Maninwhite · 23/07/2023 00:05

It’s just as rough for men.

lies, fakes, still married, so many filters, socially inept,
ghosters and tyre kickers.

SamW98 · 23/07/2023 00:14

Maninwhite · 23/07/2023 00:05

It’s just as rough for men.

lies, fakes, still married, so many filters, socially inept,
ghosters and tyre kickers.

My male friends say the same. Not sure OLD is good for anyone except people looking for a casual shag or the very lucky 1% who miraculously find someone decent.

Rainbowqueeen · 23/07/2023 00:22

I was listening to an American podcast that said there is a study showing it takes 11 hours online to get one date. She suggested you are much better off going to more RL events (which at least you can enjoy!) and seeing if you meet someone that way. I tend to agree