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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Married colleague

40 replies

Silver90 · 06/04/2023 16:18

I slept with a married colleague a year ago. We said it couldn’t happen again but we still message a lot outside of office hours, generally initiated by him.

while drunk he has made comments about wanting it to happen again, but how nothing has changed. He’s suggested we catch-up just the two of us soon, but he can be quite hot and cold so I struggle to know where I stand.

we get on really well, but I don’t know if it’s because he sees a genuine friendship there, if he just likes the attention/validation or if he does actually want it to happen again. Does he just like knowing I’m there if he were to change his mind? Is he confused?

OP posts:
fishingfor · 06/04/2023 16:21

I'll get some popcorn ...........

Highworth · 06/04/2023 16:24

@fishingfor do you have enough to share?

Highworth · 06/04/2023 16:25

@Silver90 he is married and just wants a bit of fun on the side as well. Find your self respect. Stop messaging.

pictoosh · 06/04/2023 16:27

He's after an extra marital poke lovely. That's all.

JMSA · 06/04/2023 16:31

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Highworth · 06/04/2023 16:34

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I was trying to be polite but actually @JMSA said it far better.

Cosycover · 06/04/2023 16:35

All he wants is to get his dick wet. You let him so he is trying again.

Harsh but true. There's no other motive here. You are trying to read into something very simple.

whichwayisup · 06/04/2023 16:39

I think he loves you and would like a life with you. It's the hot and cold part and the fact he only contacts you when he's drunk... Like the start of a fairytale.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 06/04/2023 16:40

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I tend to think murderers and child abusers are the worst but hey ho.

OP sorry to be harsh but it’s the attention rush he’s after, the thought and knowledge that someone still wants him, finds him attractive etc. it’s the thrill of the chase for him.

I would block his number if you can and tell him you’re no longer his plaything.

bizzywiththefizzy · 06/04/2023 16:40

Honestly you are losing your self-respect here . Don't be a notch on this man's bed post . He is just keeping you warm for when he can 'slot you in' .

QueefQueen80s · 06/04/2023 16:42

How much younger are you than his wife then? What a cliché

MakiSushi · 06/04/2023 16:42

I think you really ought to explore your sense of self worth.

If you are willing to have sex with a married man whenever he fancies it then your bar is WAY too low.

Nelly10 · 06/04/2023 16:44

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All day long this !

Chooksnroses · 06/04/2023 17:01

whichwayisup · 06/04/2023 16:39

I think he loves you and would like a life with you. It's the hot and cold part and the fact he only contacts you when he's drunk... Like the start of a fairytale.

Hahahaha!

Suprima · 06/04/2023 17:05

Embarrassing that you want this man as a friend

you need therapy (a fact, not a dig)

NemoandDoris · 06/04/2023 17:25

we get on really well, but I don’t know if it’s because he sees a genuine friendship there,
>>trust me he doesn’t, he sees a FWB shagging opportunity

if he just likes the attention/validation
>>elegant way of saying ego boosting

if he does actually want it to happen again.
>>this would be a yes. He has found the weakest link and intends to exploit it.

he is not confused. He knows exactly what he wants - a wife at home and you, when he can fit you in without been caught.

strawberry2017 · 06/04/2023 17:28

Seriously. This will not end well!
Don't go there again. You shouldn't have in the first place. Married men or men with partners are OFF LIMITS!

KinderCat · 06/04/2023 17:36

At the risk of being horridly voted from MN, I have been in your position and had a relationship with a practically married colleague (lived with, her mortgage and kid and all just don't do marriage) after several years of him being my best friend first. And even with that I can hand on heart say yes he did care about me...but I was a bit of fun on the side. Whatever is going on please don't look for this to be romance. If it was it would not be drunken sneaking around and only when convenient. Don't degrade yourself by being his entertainment and bit of fun, I promise you it doesn't end well for any party and even if he does care for you, this is no way to start a healthy relationship that will leave you anything but paranoid about his next close female colleague or best friend. Be kind to yourself and either he makes a choice about his marriage (sounds unlikely I'm afraid), or walk away and get a relationship you deserve that isn't just a drunken fondle and texts in between the life he is living with his wife.

Notaboutthebass · 06/04/2023 17:38

OP you won't get much sympathy on here I'm afraid. People post on here all the time about their partners cheating on them.
Give it up, will just end in more hurt and his poor wife! Find some respect.

tryandfindmenow · 06/04/2023 17:42

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This 🙌

TwinsAndTiramisu · 06/04/2023 17:43

"I struggle to know where I stand"

I can assist with that:

You stand, as a woman who shags married men, and see yourself as some kind of woman in his life, instead of all he could find with standards so low, he'd get a free fuck behind his wife's back. You both found the lowest denominator. The pair of you are grim.

HTH.

Itakecreaminmycoffee · 06/04/2023 17:46

This has to be a wind-up.

He is a scum bag and you OP are a scum bags booty call.

TweetyPy · 06/04/2023 17:58

OP, it's hard for men to find a new cheating partner so they often go back through the phone (fuck?) book. If he was single, he wouldn't be chasing you as a married woman. If you were both single he might not even look at you twice. The average cheating man doesn't have that many options. It's not love, he's horny and he knows you put out even if your ego tells you you're an amazing special person, you're really just available. That's all it is.

GlassBunion · 06/04/2023 17:59

There is no genuine friendship there.
You were available to him .
You fancied his advances.
He's sweet talking you to keep you on a back burner.

Truth... stop tarting round him and ignore him completely.

You are worth more than this.

usernother · 06/04/2023 18:08

You sound lovely OP GrinGrinGrin

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