Married colleague

[Silver90]

I slept with a married colleague a year ago. We said it couldn’t happen again but we still message a lot outside of office hours, generally initiated by him.

while drunk he has made comments about wanting it to happen again, but how nothing has changed. He’s suggested we catch-up just the two of us soon, but he can be quite hot and cold so I struggle to know where I stand.

we get on really well, but I don’t know if it’s because he sees a genuine friendship there, if he just likes the attention/validation or if he does actually want it to happen again. Does he just like knowing I’m there if he were to change his mind? Is he confused?

He knows that you'll sleep with him again eventually.

Get some self-respect. He's not your friend and you can't trust him.

OP, he's married. Don't go there until and unless he leaves his wife. Until that time you're a bit on the side and nothing more.

Don't degrade yourself. You're a shag that's all. Walk away.

Once is a mistake. Any more is just wrong and you should have some self respect.

I so truly hope that you are a troll. On the off chance that you are not, let me enlighten you. No, he is not confused. He is very clear on what HE wants. And that is to have his wife and his comfy home set up. In his mind he “loves” his wife (that would need a whole separate thread!) But, he also wants to stick his penis in other women. All women, any women, anywhere he can. You have provided him with that and he is now making the bare minimum of effort with you, in case you might let him do that again in the future. He is not looking for friendship, he’s looking for a shag. Please, for your own sake, cut this rancid fucker off.

You're just an easy shag. Get some respect for yourself

Why would you want anything to do with a man who cheats on his wife?

You’re both foolish and devoid of integrity.

I bet you she'll go back and shag him. She's not been back because she doesn't like the replies.
Hope your poor partners don't get STIs.

It’s worth pursuing. Camilla did something similar and now she’s a freaking Queen 🫅

Fuck me, no one is this naive! Of course you're his best friend, the love of his life, etc. etc. etc. especially when you know he's married and still give him a place to stick his dick when he's horny.

Everyone s going on like this woman has committed a murder. It's just sex, maybe people need to be more liberal. If no one gets hurt I don't see the harm in it, they must be discrete as they've done it before.

You causally drop in the ‘married’ as if it’s just an annoying add on, it is not. His wife is a human being with emotions and feelings, do not dehumanise her to make yourself feel better. Her absolute right to informed sexual consent was taken by him with your full involvement and you continue to take help him take her right to her personal agency, every time you engage texting him. This man can’t even be bothered to create a twu luv/soulmates narrative (most try this route to make themselves feel better until it’s all out in the open and they’re begging their wife back see literally every thread going on affairs atm here), he’s telling you exactly what he wants and who he is. He wants sex on the side and for you to provide it discretely. I disagree with the above poster because I actually think it’s entirely possible several people could get hurt, his wife, his family, even him, but also you. He is not safe for you to become involved in, don’t be a bloody idiot.

This is a joke post.

Oh my dayzzzz

This is the beginning of the script. Now you can play along and the next phase be like:

You develop a strong ‘bond’
You give him things his wife ‘doesn’t’ but when she finds out the story reverses and you meant nothing and wife is everything
Your bond is pure love, till he denies those claims and makes out that you made him do it
He’s separated but not divorced because of kids but he wants to be with you
10 yrs later the penultimate is still ongoing

Save yourself done strife. Stay clear. This is not flattery. He’s not into you. These things always end badly for the OWs, just ask my DHs OW.

And you should have seen the letters DH wrote her, Lordy, she was fully emotionally invested, but it was just a bit of a shit show. Meanwhile I was reading all of them going ‘what is this shit?’ and laughing as they were both braindead and could not see the script being played out.

Needless to say the OWs always use the affair as an escape route of their marriage and cause they found big lurve yet guys are like ‘can I get sex out of this’?

Do something nicer for yourself and don’t lower yourself to be someone’s fuckbuddy. You deserve the world, a home, a family, not to be someone’s guilty secret.

Sorry woke up knowing there was a punchline in this post and just found it

I don’t know if it’s because he sees a genuine friendship there

I think he sees it as you are his soulmate, actually. 🙄 Really don’t buy his bullshit and make it into anything that it isn’t. True love can only happen to those that are not persecuted in their marriage per se, as they are likely to be people full of integrity and respect for other people. Affairs happen to people that don’t have that air of confidence to do what they want in life so they need double security that someone will want them and validate them either end - in marriage they feel wanted and a part of a team and outside of marriage they feel they want to know they can still get someone. But the catch is not everyone is looking for a way out of their marriage. Women hurl towards their big big lurve and men most of the time don’t.

2 yrs ago to this day DHs OW whom he actually ‘broke up’ with a year prior whizzed about and sizzled in her thoughts of extracting him from his family. She decided the only way was to let me know, write to me about this incredible bond of theirs.

I wrote back sayin ut may have been big lurve to her but to men this is usually physical and not to cry herself to sleep with old letters. And that’s exactly how it all played out.

Guess what, on the second day anniversary of this event I just got myself some nice new sofas. Hell was she gonna change my life plan and what I do in life. Either of the incriminating parties, really. Time wasters. Oh the crocodile tears from DH, the begging, the please let me be with the kids, I want you…let’s say those letters were a cruel joke compared to the commitment DH has shown in proving his lurve to me and he’s lumbered himself with this for the rest of our relationship. He’s been just the best husband since, fully into chores, fully present and no dribble bullshit of lovey dovey expressions of fantasy land love.

So if you want sanity just search up the affair script. That is all the clarity you need. If you are wise then this scenario will simply not be enough. Wishing you all the wisdom and just generally more than scraps.