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Original poster

Would you call this potential date or pass?

36 replies

antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 11:37

I matched with a guy on bumble one night and we we ended up chatting into the early hours of the morning and we agreed we will be in touch during the day.

When I woke up, I felt so exhausted because I stayed up all night talking to this guy, but nevertheless I reached out to him later in the day just to ask how his day was going. He didn't reply me for two days. On the third day, I sent him a follow-up message asking if he is okay and whether he would like to meet up for a coffee. He then replied, apologising and reassuring me that he is not ghosting, but that he was under stress. He didn't promise to come back to me by weekend, to confirm meeting up for a coffee. However, he never came back to me.

After a few days, I became so overwhelmed with the entire bumble experience so I deleted the app. But I couldn't stop thinking about this guy with whom I had a brief encounter. So I searched for him on LinkedIn and left a message to explain why I deleted the app and that if he would love to get to know me better, that be great. I left in my mobile number and explicitly said that I would love to hear from him.

A few days later, he replied saying that he liked my style and he was chuffed that I thought he was worth following up on. He also included his mobile number and suggested that I reach out to him on WhatsApp to plan a call.

I haven't responded to him neither have I reached out to him on WhatsApp because i think his response was narcissistic and I also think that he could have just reached out to me since he has my mobile. Why ask me to text him first? Sounds to me like he wants to be chased or is deriving pleasure from knowing he is being pursued.

Am I over thinking it? Would you reach out to him if it were you?
A part of me is saying this is a red flag and I should not bother reaching out and the other part is saying I should suck up my pride or I'll end up alone.
OLD hasn't gone well for me this far Angry

OP posts:
Pseudonamed · 06/04/2023 11:44

Just send him the message!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/04/2023 11:52

Why ask me to text him first? Sounds to me like he wants to be chased or is deriving pleasure from knowing he is being pursued.

Yes, it's a massive ego boost for him, you pursuing him via LinkedIn. You've basically said PLEASE DATE ME SIR and his response is "I'm not really interested in putting in any effort, but if you do all the running I might throw you a pity shag."

I would put this man in the bin and move on. If someone is truly interested in you, they won't leave you hanging - they'll ask you on a date.

Newusername21 · 06/04/2023 11:52

After the trouble you sent to finding him on Linked in after deleting Bumble - I dont see why you now have a problem sending him a simple WhatApp message??
Yes - I think you've probably given him a thrill thinking a women he doesn't know has tracked him down. He now probably thinks he doesn't need to make an effort.

In general with OLD - if the fun stops - stop. ;)

Newusername21 · 06/04/2023 11:56

"i think his response was narcissistic"

Also - I've no idea how you've leapt to "narcissistic" because he hasn't immediately phoned you?

Eatentoomanyroses · 06/04/2023 12:03

I can not imagine tracking a man down and chasing like this. It’s toe curling cringey. Nothing of any value will come from it whatsoever.

samantha0709 · 06/04/2023 12:04

You've already made it clear you're keen so no need to play it cool. Finding him on LinkedIn ... probably don't ever do that again, it's a little much.
But against all odds he seemed pleased and gave you his number... just text. Some simple and to the point will do, 'would you like to meet for a drink at X place at X place on Saturday?'

I don't think it necessarily means he was uninterested... just they have so many options on OLD and it's all so flakey anyway.

If he flakes or seems uninterested again you know it's definitely time to abandon the chase here.

LiliLil · 06/04/2023 12:04

Don’t message him, you’ve done all the running so far and to be honest I wouldn’t have messaged him on linked in.

He has your number. If he’s interested he’ll use it.

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 06/04/2023 12:19

Some people have lots of options on OLD you may be a back up date or he may be exploring his options.

Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you but if he's not desperate for a date with you, only keep on with this if you are not going to drive your self car overanalysing (which you already are)

It's too hard to tell 'what's going on'

Ask him out if you want to go out and find out more

Don't bother if you don't want the drama/ hassle

You don't really know each other yet so who's to say what's going on?

Just try not to overthink HIM what do you want and do you even like him in REAL life?

Original poster
antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 12:20

Newusername21 · 06/04/2023 11:56

"i think his response was narcissistic"

Also - I've no idea how you've leapt to "narcissistic" because he hasn't immediately phoned you?

No, because of his response:
"I am chuffed that you thought I'm work following up on... I'll save your number. Mine is XYZ. Drop me a text"

OP posts:
confessionstoday · 06/04/2023 12:21

If someone tracked me down on LinkedIn after a few messages On a dating app I'd think they were a psycho.

I'd be blocking you and hoping you weren't a stalker.

Original poster
antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 12:23

confessionstoday · 06/04/2023 12:21

If someone tracked me down on LinkedIn after a few messages On a dating app I'd think they were a psycho.

I'd be blocking you and hoping you weren't a stalker.

Just to be clear I didn't track him on LinkedIn.
I'm the night we had a chat, he gave me all information about him down to his home address. Calm down please.

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 06/04/2023 12:23

100% leave it. You sound far too keen and he clearly isnt all that interested otherwise he’d be doing instead of talking (when he can be bothered) finding him on LinkedIn 😬

Frith2013 · 06/04/2023 12:27

This reply has been deleted

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SunshineAndFizz · 06/04/2023 12:28

Sorry, but time to move on. He's not into you.

You've texted him twice and them tracked him down on LinkedIn and effectively sent him a third message via there.

If he was interested he'd message you, not put the ball back in your court to message him again. (Or if he does like you, he's VERY hard work which is not a good sign this early on.)

GoodChat · 06/04/2023 12:38

He ignored you for days at a time. Stop chasing him.

Frith2013 · 06/04/2023 13:05

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LiliLil · 06/04/2023 13:06

antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 12:23

Just to be clear I didn't track him on LinkedIn.
I'm the night we had a chat, he gave me all information about him down to his home address. Calm down please.

Show quote history

She’s right. You text him and he didn’t reply, so you text again and he said he’d get back to you and didn’t.

You then messaged him through Linked In. Whether he gave you all his work information or not is irrelevant.

It’s you that needs to calm down and relax, it shouldn’t be this hard. He has your number and you’ve not heard from him again, why would you text? Is this how you want the standard to be with him?

Spottycarousel · 06/04/2023 13:07

If he's interested he WILL contact you, no doubt about it.

Be careful as your behaviour can seem desperate wbjch is a magnet for unsavory guys.

Original poster
antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 13:14

Spottycarousel · 06/04/2023 13:07

If he's interested he WILL contact you, no doubt about it.

Be careful as your behaviour can seem desperate wbjch is a magnet for unsavory guys.

Thanks for the advice. In retrospect, I recognise that hence why I didn't respond or text since I last heard from him.

OP posts:
Spottycarousel · 06/04/2023 13:17

antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 13:14

Thanks for the advice. In retrospect, I recognise that hence why I didn't respond or text since I last heard from him.

Show quote history

Apologies if it came across horribly, it wasn't meant. When I've really liked someone I've given them the benefit of the doubt and made contact without realising it can seem a bit much if they've subtly been giving me the brush off. A learning experience.

Rainbowqueeen · 06/04/2023 13:18

I’d pass. If he was keen he would have asked you out.

His response says to me “ if you happen to text when I’m horny I’ll shag you”

Frith2013 · 06/04/2023 13:19

Ok, a second completely innocuous reply of mine has gone.

Original poster
antiwhatever · 06/04/2023 13:21

Thanks to all PPs for the insight.
I won't respond to or reach out to him.

*I'm here seeking advice, not abuse.

OP posts:
SpringIntoChaos · 06/04/2023 13:22

I'm cringing for you OP. Don't ever do this again...it's embarrassing 😳

SheikYerboutiii · 06/04/2023 13:22

He gave you his home address but not his mobile number? What a strange thing to do.

Linkedin is for business and professional use, it’s creepy and weird, PP was correct. Maybe you’re meant for each other in this entirely real and definitely not fictional scenario