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Original poster

Another loneliness thread

40 replies

Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:30

I'm really feeling the pain this Easter holidays. I have no friends and family are all off in their little units doing their own thing and it has amplified how alone I am.

I can't do the traditional Mumsnet suggestion of joining a club or hobby - I work full time and family have put their foot down that they will not commit to a regular once a week evening babysitting session to enable me to have a life. It almost feels like they enjoy keeping me in my place for embarrassing them by being a single parent. I also can't find a babysitting service in the area either.

I'm trying to do all the usual stuff of getting out to the park, planning some nice days at the beach (we are very near the coast), getting on a train and going to the end of the line and back just for the experience of getting on a train (DS is the next Francis bourgeois it would seem). Which I don't mind doing and can afford but it's the horrible reality of seeing all the happy families, or groups of friends out chattering away that hurts. I'd love to have someone to share experiences with. It's not the same as when someone asks "what did you get up to" and you fill them in, it's a one sided awkward conversation and again makes me feel lonely and awkward.

I'm not sure why I have started this thread but I'm not in a happy head space today.

OP posts:
Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 09:31

How old is your son and will he be with you?

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 09:33

It almost feels like they enjoy keeping me in my place for embarrassing them by being a single parent

if you believe they are capable of this, then I wouldn’t want them looking after my child

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/04/2023 09:35

Join Gingerbread. It was great for meet-ups at weekends and holidays when l was a single parent

Hamsterrace · 04/04/2023 09:35

No advice but solidarity op 💐

I'm a single mum to 2 dc. We go camping alone, short breaks alone, days out, the beach, restaurants, parks, everything just me and 2 dc. Everyone else seems to be in a couple, friendship group, or family group of grandparents, siblings, etc. Its incredibly lonely and really difficult to break out of.

DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 09:35

You need to make more effort with people and making friends. You work so mix with people, you commute so can listen to an audiobook to talk about or podcasts or read a book in the evenings or do a craft or hobby at home when your child is asleep. Try to organise things with your family or suggest a group holiday. Your life won't change if you don't change what you do.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 04/04/2023 09:35

Do you live at home with parents OP? Is this why you can't go out ..because they won't babysit?

Original poster
Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:36

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 04/04/2023 09:35

Do you live at home with parents OP? Is this why you can't go out ..because they won't babysit?

No. Thankfully

OP posts:
DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 09:36

Where is the dad and his side of the family?

Violetrose1 · 04/04/2023 09:38

Do you read? Bookstagram on Instagram has thousands of people in the U.K. who post their book reviews and get chatting. I’ve met up with lots of them over the last couple of years and I have a few I chat to daily by text now

Mary46 · 04/04/2023 09:43

Op its not easy. Maybe there something online for meetups. Do you meet any mams through the kids. I dont have loads friends even at kids sports the mams chat but they the type they talk and bitch about people so its not as easy as people think it is.

Original poster
Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:53

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/04/2023 09:35

Join Gingerbread. It was great for meet-ups at weekends and holidays when l was a single parent

Thank you, there isn't a local one so I've signed up for the virtual one

OP posts:
Original poster
Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:54

Hamsterrace · 04/04/2023 09:35

No advice but solidarity op 💐

I'm a single mum to 2 dc. We go camping alone, short breaks alone, days out, the beach, restaurants, parks, everything just me and 2 dc. Everyone else seems to be in a couple, friendship group, or family group of grandparents, siblings, etc. Its incredibly lonely and really difficult to break out of.

Thank you. It's completely shit isn't it. Sorry you're in the same position and understand how it feels

OP posts:
Original poster
Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:55

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 09:31

How old is your son and will he be with you?

My children are preschool and infant school age so lovely wonderful children but young.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:57

Thank you for taking the time to reply. School and nursery runs are a mad rush of drop and get to work. I wfh a lot which compounds the problem, I'm looking for another job but if I'm honest wfh is great because it means I get brilliant work life balance but it's another source of isolation.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 04/04/2023 09:59

Can I ask why you think your family should look after them? I’m a single mum and my family never have my children I’ve never thought it’s because they enjoy seeing me stuck unable to do anything? Your family don’t have to have your children?

FionaJT · 04/04/2023 10:00

I've been there so solidarity from me too, it is horrible. My dd is now 18 😮 but it was worst for me when I went back to work and lost the SAHM toddler group friends who all wanted family time at weekends.
Definitely see if there are any online groups with meet-ups - I found my eventual friend group through a couple of Mums I met at another hobby group who set up an online group for local parents. We ended up with a little gang of families (not just single parents) for camping trips and days out, which was a godsend. There are so many people out there who want company.

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 10:03

Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:55

My children are preschool and infant school age so lovely wonderful children but young.

Show quote history

So why would you want them cared for by people that you have a very negative view of?

Wishihadanalgorithm · 04/04/2023 10:06

Other than doing meet ups with other single parents through organisations, what about planning coffee and play dates for your DC’s friends and their parents? Maybe invite a mum or two from school to bring their kids over so they can play and you can just have a breather and chat with another adult?

It does sound very difficult, sorry.

hoven · 04/04/2023 10:14

Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:30

I'm really feeling the pain this Easter holidays. I have no friends and family are all off in their little units doing their own thing and it has amplified how alone I am.

I can't do the traditional Mumsnet suggestion of joining a club or hobby - I work full time and family have put their foot down that they will not commit to a regular once a week evening babysitting session to enable me to have a life. It almost feels like they enjoy keeping me in my place for embarrassing them by being a single parent. I also can't find a babysitting service in the area either.

I'm trying to do all the usual stuff of getting out to the park, planning some nice days at the beach (we are very near the coast), getting on a train and going to the end of the line and back just for the experience of getting on a train (DS is the next Francis bourgeois it would seem). Which I don't mind doing and can afford but it's the horrible reality of seeing all the happy families, or groups of friends out chattering away that hurts. I'd love to have someone to share experiences with. It's not the same as when someone asks "what did you get up to" and you fill them in, it's a one sided awkward conversation and again makes me feel lonely and awkward.

I'm not sure why I have started this thread but I'm not in a happy head space today.

Why isn't the father able to look after the children? Can you use child maintenance for a nanny?

SchoolTripDrama · 04/04/2023 10:39

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/04/2023 09:35

Join Gingerbread. It was great for meet-ups at weekends and holidays when l was a single parent

They don't exist locally anymore unfortunately. Only nationally via phone & online

SchoolTripDrama · 04/04/2023 10:39

DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 09:36

Where is the dad and his side of the family?

Why is that ANY of your business????

SchoolTripDrama · 04/04/2023 10:40

@Strugglingsinglemum What county or city are you in?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/04/2023 10:40

SchoolTripDrama · 04/04/2023 10:39

They don't exist locally anymore unfortunately. Only nationally via phone & online

Show quote history

NO! That’s terrible! They were my lifeline.

SchoolTripDrama · 04/04/2023 10:41

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Tory cuts!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/04/2023 10:42

@SchoolTripDrama 🤬🤬🤬bastards.