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Original poster

Another loneliness thread

40 replies

Strugglingsinglemum · 04/04/2023 09:30

I'm really feeling the pain this Easter holidays. I have no friends and family are all off in their little units doing their own thing and it has amplified how alone I am.

I can't do the traditional Mumsnet suggestion of joining a club or hobby - I work full time and family have put their foot down that they will not commit to a regular once a week evening babysitting session to enable me to have a life. It almost feels like they enjoy keeping me in my place for embarrassing them by being a single parent. I also can't find a babysitting service in the area either.

I'm trying to do all the usual stuff of getting out to the park, planning some nice days at the beach (we are very near the coast), getting on a train and going to the end of the line and back just for the experience of getting on a train (DS is the next Francis bourgeois it would seem). Which I don't mind doing and can afford but it's the horrible reality of seeing all the happy families, or groups of friends out chattering away that hurts. I'd love to have someone to share experiences with. It's not the same as when someone asks "what did you get up to" and you fill them in, it's a one sided awkward conversation and again makes me feel lonely and awkward.

I'm not sure why I have started this thread but I'm not in a happy head space today.

OP posts:

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 04/04/2023 11:00

Have you looked at mumsnet local?

Finonia · 04/04/2023 11:26

I joined Mummy Social when mine were young, it was brilliant and I made some great friends I think there are other similar set ups - Good luck

celticprincess · 04/04/2023 11:27

There’s a couple of single parent holiday groups on fb which seem to have some lovely trips planned during school holiday on this country and abroad. I’ve never been but do follow their pages/groups.

I can sympathise. I’ve two children and single parent. I’ve resigned myself to the fact I can’t join a regular hobby until they’re old enough to look after themselves on an evening. I do some sporadic things but not really with a proper social group. My mum does have them overnight to allow this (always seems to fall on the weekend the are not at their dad’s and can’t be changed as pre booked in months in advance). But she struggles as she’s disabled. She couldn’t do a regular week thing I might like as they often go in til later than bedtime and she looks after them at her house as mine isn’t accessible. Dad’s family don’t do any childcare as they live too far away.

Just also laughed at the poster who suggested child maintenance to be used for a nanny!! On what planet?? My ex pays the minimum - he doesn’t earn much as is in a lot of debt- and not even regular. No way would it stretch to a nanny. It helps pay the general day to day costs of kids like clothing and feeding them and keeping a roof over our heads.

GenAndWine · 04/04/2023 12:47

I know you said there are no local babysitting services but are there any older teens locally that would like to earn some money? We use two. Both have family backup on the same street if there was a problem and we’re never over 20 minutes away but it’s given us some flex. I just get the kids in bed and they essentially sit and study in the kitchen while the kids sleep.

Assuming you use a preschool or nursery have they got a parent WhatsApp group? Ours is pretty active and was started by a woman in your situation - she just stuck a note on the door with her number on it. We now do coffee, play dates, and are planning evening drinks next week. I think most mums can relate to feeling lonely.

Gemzerella · 04/04/2023 13:00

SpinningFloppa · 04/04/2023 09:59

Can I ask why you think your family should look after them? I’m a single mum and my family never have my children I’ve never thought it’s because they enjoy seeing me stuck unable to do anything? Your family don’t have to have your children?

It’s very common for peoples families to look after their children?
My Mum looks after my daughter because she enjoys it, not because she has to?

cushioncovers · 04/04/2023 13:10

Op I've been in a very similar position to you. One Easter I saw no one for the entire 4 days. My family and friends were all just doing their own thing and knew me and the kids were on our own. I cried buckets that weekend and felt so alone. Honestly the best thing you can do is try not to take it personally, there are thousands of single parents in exactly the same position. Try to occupy yourself with bits that you can do and hold onto the fact that this doesn't last forever.

sianyflewog · 04/04/2023 13:26

Try Mush or Peanut apps…like Tinder for parents 😂 One of my best Mum friends, I met through Mush when our babies were only weeks old. Parenting can feel so isolating, you need a support unit around you. Hope you find something that helps you to connect with others!

Abbypatch · 04/04/2023 13:26

I realise the coast is large, but on the off chance you're on the Lincolnshire coast, I'm also a single mum to twin 3 year olds if you fancy a day out with a new friend ☺️

Outnumberedmummy2022 · 04/04/2023 16:28

Where abouts do you live OP? I’m not massively far from a coastal town and me and my 3 DC would be happy for something to do this hols if you want to meet x

helebard · 05/04/2023 11:25

I had an online friend in a similar situation many years ago. Unfortunately I didn't live near them.
Their parents were of the attitude that she could have 'a life' when the children were older and more independent, so in her 40s. Very callous I thought and she was very isolated.

I'd advise gym with crèche or go for an hour while they're at nursery or school, or find a class during school hours. This, of course, depends on your flexibility of work hours also. It's more about human interactions and connections, it might take time for friendships to form.

Can you afford babysitting to join a site like Meet up (I think it's called, there are various types of groups and presumably single parents).

helebard · 05/04/2023 11:27

Sorry, you've said you can't find a babysitting service. There used to be one recommended here a lot, on Mumsnet. Hoping someone remembers what that was.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 05/04/2023 18:49

Have you tried Frolo? It was set up by a single parent and whilst I haven't really dabbled beyond getting the app it does seem that people do meet up with other families on there. Unconnected I am currently on holiday with three other families, they are all two parents two children and I am the only single parent which makes it awkward when your youngest gets sick (like this afternoon) but at least my eldest has lots to keep her occupied. You'll get there and yes, it doesn't sound like you should be relying on your family sadly. You are not an embarrassment, on the contrary, it sounds like you are doing very well with your trips. Hang in there!

DangerousAlchemy · 05/04/2023 20:47

Whereabouts in the country are you OP? UK? My sis is a single Mum to a DS6 & I know she struggles desperately with loneliness & seeing other families having fun together at weekends/holidays - she also has situation where her DS Dad isn't in the picture much & no grandparents at all on either side. If you lived anywhere near her (NE Derbyshire) I bet she'd love to meet up with you. I try & visit her when I can but she's 130 miles away & my DS are much, much older (15 &19) so it's really hard as they don't have much in common at this age. The early years are just hard I think. I know it's not the same but my DH was absent a lot at weekends playing football plus at work all week so kids barely saw him Mon- Fri so I felt lonely then as I was a SAHP too. I went to tons of toddler groups & made a nice group of friends thereafter lasted til eldest was 3 & started preschool. if you've finished your work for the day when you pick up your kids from school can you invite another Mum over with their kids etc to play/chat? or arrange to meet up in a park now the weather is getting a bit better? Do you have a WhatsApp group for your DC class? The winter months are the absolute worst too. No one has money after Christmas or wants to meet up I've found - even now a lot of my friends are useless in Jan/Feb/Mar. Now it's Spring maybe people will be more sociable. Sending you a big virtual hug 💐 how old are your DC? online friends maybe the way forward if no good groups nearby x

EmilyMayishere · 05/04/2023 20:53

💐
Sympathy. I could have written your post (but I do have a dh (who works a lot)). Days out just with the kids can be a bit lonely. Was just thinking today how isolating it feels, we are all just so busy with our own little families, without being close to extended family and friends.

Payitforward55 · 06/04/2023 19:31

💐💐💐💐 Loneliness sucks big time. But dont think everyone around you is super happy. A lot of those couples and groups of people you see out and about are not happy either. There will be childless couples looking at you with your beautiful kids thinking how lucky you are. I wish I could drop by for a coffee with you. I noticed quite a few other people suggesting they might be close enough to you for a meet up. Take them up on the offer, mums needs support. What you are feeling is totally understandable. xxx

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