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Original poster

He's lying isn't he?

70 replies

sladys · 03/04/2023 00:40

Long story but not really relevant as only looking for factual info and would prefer factual responses

DH been away on golfing trip all week.

Tonight before he went out his battery died on his fine so he left it in hotel to charge. My understanding is that if you're battery dies (iPhone) and you plug it into charge once there is enough battery it will turn itself back on?

He's claiming that's not the case but I'm nit buying it? Surely that only happens if you actually turn your phone off or have no signal?

He's saying his phone was unattended on charge for 6+ hours but didn't turn back on til he physically powered it on himself?

I know this way of thinking isn't normal:healthy but there is a huge back story and right now I want to check if I'm right that he's lying?

OP posts:
Original poster
sladys · 03/04/2023 01:42

Aussiegirl123456 · 03/04/2023 01:36

When my phone dies, I put it on charge. It turns back on however, no data or wifi actually activate until after I’ve put in my pin. It’ll show wifi symbol and network symbol but they don’t actually work until after I’ve put in the pin.

Found that out as my phone died while I was waiting for my DH to message/call me for a lift home. I’d put phone on charge and got nothing! About midnight I was worried so unlocked my phone to call him and instantly floods of messages came through along with missed call notifications. Nothing was on my phone until it unlocked.

There has actually been a couple of occasions too where I’ve manually needed to turn it on after a long charge. I think if you charge it and don’t unlock it after a few hours, it turns itself off.

But the phone is a red herring here, is it not? Why aren’t you trusting your DH?

You're 100% right with all of this, including the part about me not trusting DH.

He's previously cheated and I'm trying to give it another go. Him being away with pals for a week has been a massive test. I thought he'd turned his phone off.

It has highlighted that as hard as we're both trying to rebuild our relationship, the trust has been damaged forever and I'm going to spend my life 2nd guessing like this. Don't think I can live this way tbh

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 03/04/2023 01:58

sladys · 03/04/2023 01:42

You're 100% right with all of this, including the part about me not trusting DH.

He's previously cheated and I'm trying to give it another go. Him being away with pals for a week has been a massive test. I thought he'd turned his phone off.

It has highlighted that as hard as we're both trying to rebuild our relationship, the trust has been damaged forever and I'm going to spend my life 2nd guessing like this. Don't think I can live this way tbh

Show quote history

Oh goodness, I don’t know what to say. You poor thing. Once trust has been broken it takes a long time to fix any fractures, if ever.

Did you go to any couples counselling afterwards? Big cuddle OP, I can only imagine how hard it is for you xx

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 03/04/2023 03:23

This is your sign to leave. Don't live a life worrying like this :(

Mumma · 03/04/2023 04:17

Regardless, you dont trust him. Game over im afraid.

rwalker · 03/04/2023 04:56

My iPhone isn’t great at charging can Leave it charging come back and it’s dead wiggle lead and charges

Flittingaboutagain · 03/04/2023 05:04

When you say you're giving it another go, I would argue he isn't actually doing what you need to rebuild trust here at all. He should be giving you lots of reassurance and being out of contact in a hotel for six hours isn't doing that. You're never going to heal from the infidelity trauma with someone who doesn't try to heal the wounds they caused you.

SquirrelsAreStinky · 03/04/2023 05:10

OP, I know you've potentially solved the mystery of why the message didn't deliver - but to get very pedantic, that's not what you were asking in your first post.

You said that your DH said that the phone didn't power back on until he did it manually - but that's not true for iPhones.

(Other phones don't all automatically power back on when plugged in, but iPhones do).

So really, if he said the iPhone didn't power on until he switched it on manually, isn't it the case that he's still lied to you? And if so, he could actually have turned it off and be covering something up?

I'm sorry to be that person, genuinely. I know I tend to take things a bit too literally (I'm autistic) but what did he actually say to you? Did he say that he had to switch the phone on himself? Or did he say that he had to put the passcode back in? Because they're two different things - and one is true, and one isn't.

The reason that it matters is that if he's trying to insist that he had to physically turn the iPhone on then you know that's a lie.

If it's just the passcode that he had to enter and he acknowledges the fact that the iPhone powered back on automatically, then he's telling the truth.

I think given your history, it would give you some assistance to know whether he's lying now. That might help you decide what to do next.

I'm sorry you find yourself caught in such a shitty situation.

TellySavalashairbrush · 03/04/2023 05:16

Living like this must be exhausting op and my heart goes out to you. I think you need to start taking care of yourself and honestly consider if you can put the past behind you or whether it is just not possible and consider ending things . Not an easy decision I know.

denpark · 03/04/2023 06:05

Trust your gut OP. You just have solved the phone thing but you're not happy and you can't lives this way constantly. Believe me, I know because I have and it will destroy you. Sometimes we are gaslit so deeply and so successfully that we just can't see a way out but there is always a way. Xxxx

knittingaddict · 03/04/2023 06:43

Monty27 · 03/04/2023 01:01

If a phone battery dies it goes off automatically and needs switched back on when it's been charged

So does my android phone. Op is talking about an iPhone, which appears to operate differently.

RBKB · 03/04/2023 06:44

No, my phone switches off when it dies and definitely remains off when charging. I have to switch it back on, even when it is fully charged.

But if he has lied in the past...he needs to show you this on his own phone as my phone seems to be unusual in doing this.

Newuser82 · 03/04/2023 06:46

I have to say there has been some occasions where I have charged my I phone and it hasn't automatically come back on and I've had to turn it on myself. It doesn't always happen but it has definitely happened a couple of times.

RockhoppersLovePoppers · 03/04/2023 06:48

Monty27 · 03/04/2023 01:01

If a phone battery dies it goes off automatically and needs switched back on when it's been charged

My phone does not turn itself on once charged

JoanThursday1972 · 03/04/2023 06:49

I have a Google Pixel and when it runs out and i plug it in to charge I have to physically turn it back on to use it but that's before it's fully charged. I've never left it to fully charge to see if it switches back on.

Aussiegirl123456 · 03/04/2023 06:50

Newuser82 · 03/04/2023 06:46

I have to say there has been some occasions where I have charged my I phone and it hasn't automatically come back on and I've had to turn it on myself. It doesn't always happen but it has definitely happened a couple of times.

Mine too. I’m sure if you charge it and don’t touch it for a few hours it just turns itself off. (iPhone). Then other times it’s just there, awake, asking for my PIN code.

C1N1C · 03/04/2023 06:58

Is this really a post? You're not fussed if he read it or not, if he was busy or not, if he'd simply not brought a charger etc... but on the semantics of "if he plugged it in, it does or doesn't turn on once charged "???

Sometimes mine does, sometimes it doesn't... I've had issues where the charger hasn't been good (not an Apple brand) and it takes ages or behaves differently... he could have installed an update or had one download automatically, in which case it won't switch back on to the main screen...

Tbh, if you're getting worked up over this, I worry more for him than you.

Sirius3030 · 03/04/2023 07:11

So, no, he wasn’t lying.

End of Posts.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 03/04/2023 08:10

You don’t trust him because he’s not trustworthy & you'll always be second guessing yourself now.

Original poster
sladys · 03/04/2023 08:11

Thanks all.

Don't disagree with anyone saying I don trust him. The state I got myself in isn't healthy and has really highlighted how little trust there is.

I do appreciate all the responses though

OP posts:
RichardHeed · 03/04/2023 08:16

Sirius3030 · 03/04/2023 07:11

So, no, he wasn’t lying.

End of Posts.

If that’s all you’ve taken from OPs posts it’s best you not comment.

OP, you’ve identified the trust is completely broken by your cheating husband. If he really wanted to repair this relationship and build the trust, going no contact on a lads trip abroad isn’t the way to do it. You know this isn’t healthy and you know you deserve better. I hope you can find the strength to do what you know what need to do.

Original poster
sladys · 03/04/2023 08:23

@RichardHeed I do know what I need to do, and have no doubt I will be doing it. Strangely, after trying (and failing) to make it work I feel more confident and calmer in my decision. I've done all I can and it hasn't worked.
Time to walk away with my head held high knowing I've done all I can for my dc

OP posts:
ThomasinaLivesHere · 03/04/2023 08:27

He may not be lying. I have an iPhone and I’m sure I’ve had to turn it on sometimes but I guess I don’t think about it.

The issue is clearly more than the phone. If the trust is still gone it’s hard to stay in such a relationship.

Sirius3030 · 03/04/2023 08:31

RichardHeed · 03/04/2023 08:16

If that’s all you’ve taken from OPs posts it’s best you not comment.

OP, you’ve identified the trust is completely broken by your cheating husband. If he really wanted to repair this relationship and build the trust, going no contact on a lads trip abroad isn’t the way to do it. You know this isn’t healthy and you know you deserve better. I hope you can find the strength to do what you know what need to do.

Show quote history

So just go back and actually read OPs tittle and posts, before you make the sneery comments.
The post was about him lying. With one line about cheating in the past. The rest is the hot fetid imagination of MNers

palsprosecco · 03/04/2023 08:35

I have an I phone I have to turn it on sometimes, other times it turns itself back on. Never thought about why.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 03/04/2023 08:37

Not always!

I have an iPhone and it doesn't always turn back on on charge, unless I turn it on myself.