Would this annoy you?

Xztop · 2023-04-01T10:59:54+00:00

I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks. Been lovely so far. Last week I was meant to see him but he was fixing his friends car and didn't get finished until 9.30pm so cancelled at the last minute. I was annoyed but said OK. Fast forward to today. He was supposed to be coming round this morning, I was going to cook breakfast and then we were going out for the day. 11.50am he messages to say he has just woken up because he got drunk last night. I'm fuming. I haven't replied, just want others opinions...

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/04/2023 12:02

'Fuming'?

Yes annoying if he's cancelled twice this early on but just sounds like he's not that into you. Sorry. Just call it quits now and move on.

Blossomandbee · 01/04/2023 12:03

He's showing you where you are in his priorities

ZekeZeke · 01/04/2023 12:04

6 weeks in and he can't be arsed. Dump him.

UniversalMamma · 01/04/2023 12:08

Of course, it’s rude and inconsiderate and just a bit adolescent – if he was having breakfast and a day out with you, why would he go and get wasted the night before. It’d be annoying anytime but at 6 weeks in, if it’s going anywhere, he should be trying to impress you. He sounds like a boring man child.

MarchMadness23 · 01/04/2023 12:08

The car I can understand & wouldn't mind (if it was genuine & they weren't just having a few beers after fixing the car!!)

This morning would piss me off, he has a phone, he could have set an alarm!!

I'd just reply 'that's a shame. Maybe another time'

if he says he'll meet you now, I'd just say, 'nope I've got other plans now. Maybe another time'

then let him do some apologising, chasing, before you agree to see him again (if you even want to) 6 weeks in he should be keen not messing you about. If you just accept it, it'll get worse & worse!

not to mention getting so bladdered, he ducked up this morning, when he knew he was supposed to be spending today with you really isn't great is it. Maybe his relationship with alcohol is a bit too dependent.

Dodecaheidyin · 01/04/2023 12:08

Don't hang about for someone who thinks so little of you, OP. Enjoy your double breakfast and free day.

Growlybear83 · 01/04/2023 12:10

Is would be a bit irritated but wouldn't see it as a major problem and certainly wouldn't ignore his message. Is he planning to come round later?

areyousittingontheremote · 01/04/2023 12:10

Don’t fume just move on
this is him and you don’t like it end of
break up now or when this is happening in years to come just know you willingly signed up for it

Original poster

Xztop · 01/04/2023 12:11

Thanks everyone.

Yeah the car last week I was a bit put out but I was fine about it and he had arranged to fix that before seeing me so fair enough.

Buy today is a different story. I just messages back saying "OK hope you feel better"

I've been treated like shit by men my whole life. He is not my usual type and I really thought he was better than that.

You live and learn!

OP posts:

AlienSupaStar · 01/04/2023 12:12

Tough crowd this morning! 🫣

@Xztop - don’t let him come round later on today. Be busy all weekend. DO NOT let him come round later on today.

BreviloquentBastard · 01/04/2023 12:12

Eh, after 6 weeks I'd just move on from this to be honest. Not worth being fuming over, but I also wouldn't bother continuing the relationship.

ChrisTrepidation · 01/04/2023 12:12

For God's sake don't cook breakfast for a mam you've only been seeing six weeks!

He should be taking you out for breakfast, not coming round to let you cook it for him. Only he's doing neither cos he went out and got pissed Instead.

Throw him back and in future don't cook for men you barely know.

MaximumPleasure · 01/04/2023 12:13

I would've dumped him from the first time. It's early days when there is usually peak effort and excitement. He's not that into you so yes I'm with PPs, move on.
I'd text him something like:
'No worries, I'm not going to be around (or I'm off to meet up with friends), hope your head feels better soon' and that's it radio silence afterwards.

Dacadactyl · 01/04/2023 12:13

He can't be arsed so call it off.

Original poster

Xztop · 01/04/2023 12:18

@AlienSupaStar thanks! I won't. I'm too old for this crap

I've been out the dating game for years, I stupidly hoped med would get better as they got older. But no!

OP posts:

LemonTT · 01/04/2023 12:20

Sorry but each excuse is manspeak for I’m too gutless to have a conversation about this. He isn’t even trying to demonstrate that you are important and a priority. There are far far better excuses than the ones he gave. They are deliberately insulting to make you play crazy woman who rants at him and then dumps him or forgives him. If you do the later he will go through your relationship saying “you knew what I was like”. If you do the former then you were controlling and needy.

spacechimp79 · 01/04/2023 12:23

I wouldn't be impressed with either of these things @Xztop as it shows a complete lack of regard for you. You deserve better than this so if it was me, I would move on and find someone who treats you better. Good luck!

Tilllly · 01/04/2023 12:26

Very annoying

I'd give it another chance but make him work for it. And not a chance if he does it again

BatshitCrazyWoman · 01/04/2023 12:28

MaximumPleasure · 01/04/2023 12:13

I would've dumped him from the first time. It's early days when there is usually peak effort and excitement. He's not that into you so yes I'm with PPs, move on.
I'd text him something like:
'No worries, I'm not going to be around (or I'm off to meet up with friends), hope your head feels better soon' and that's it radio silence afterwards.

Yes, this. For me, someone who is flaky with arrangements, and who uses the fact that he was drinking the night before as a 'reason' is no prize. Reliability and punctuality are really important to me. Chuck him back.

Watchkeys · 01/04/2023 13:04

If you knew you were fuming, why does it matter to you what anybody else thinks? What difference does it make, to you?

Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 13:20

" OK, hope you feel better" is very weak as a reply. Either he's expecting you to end it and is avoiding you until you catch on, or he's training you to accept crumbs - which it looks like you've already been trained to in this area.
How to send a big FY in this case, would be to say nothing now. Nothing at all, just ghost and let the silence drop. Don't even give him the satisfaction of being the one to dump if that's his game. Let him forever wonder....? Nothing says you are nothing to me like silence. In this case w ghosting is effective and justified.

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 13:29

I agree, weak response. Translates as...ditch on me and nurse your hangover if you like, poor thing, I don't mind.

I'd have left it hanging. No response.

SpringleDingle · 01/04/2023 13:45

No one gets to stand me up twice. His priority isn’t you. Time to move on to someone better!

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 13:49

Yes I'd much prefer someone to be buzzing at the chance to see me at six weeks in, not casually letting me down already.
If he was where I'd be looking for him to be, he'd have been up and ready to impress, even with a hangover.
He's not feeling it enough...so neither would I be.

Watchkeys · 01/04/2023 14:00

Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 13:20

" OK, hope you feel better" is very weak as a reply. Either he's expecting you to end it and is avoiding you until you catch on, or he's training you to accept crumbs - which it looks like you've already been trained to in this area.
How to send a big FY in this case, would be to say nothing now. Nothing at all, just ghost and let the silence drop. Don't even give him the satisfaction of being the one to dump if that's his game. Let him forever wonder....? Nothing says you are nothing to me like silence. In this case w ghosting is effective and justified.

OP doesn't need to prove to him that 'he is nothing to her'. She doesn't need to send him a 'big FY'. Such drama.

He has behaved poorly, and hurt her feelings. No angry, egotistical response is necessary, but there's also nothing wrong with telling him how she feels before moving on. Silence is often dignity, but dignity can be found using your voice too, and that shouldn't be forgotten.