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Relationships

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Original poster

Would this annoy you?

47 replies

Xztop · 01/04/2023 11:59

I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks. Been lovely so far.
Last week I was meant to see him but he was fixing his friends car and didn't get finished until 9.30pm so cancelled at the last minute. I was annoyed but said OK.
Fast forward to today. He was supposed to be coming round this morning, I was going to cook breakfast and then we were going out for the day. 11.50am he messages to say he has just woken up because he got drunk last night. I'm fuming. I haven't replied, just want others opinions...

OP posts:

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 14:12

"Hope you feel better" isn't all that dignified. It's undeserved sympathy for letting me down.
I wouldn't say it because I don't hope he feels better and he's not off the hook...I'd have liked him to show some respect for my time and show up as arranged.
I wouldn't have replied.

Watchkeys · 01/04/2023 14:19

Hope you feel better" isn't all that dignified

I disagree. If it's followed by a bunch of fawning, then the fawning would be undignified. If it's followed by him asking her out and her saying 'Are you joking? You let me down twice, mate, you had your chance and blew it.' then that's healthy boundaries, saying what you feel, and eliminating an unhealthy relationship from your life.

'Hope you feel better' is generic and means nothing, in terms of dignity or anything else.

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 14:21

Fair enough...but I'm peevish and wouldn't have acknowledged his pish.

Original poster

Xztop · 01/04/2023 14:29

Update: He phoned, apologised and then acted as if we were still seeing each other today. I said no.

OP posts:

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 01/04/2023 14:34

Good for you!

Just be too busy for him going forward, he had his opportunity and he blew it!

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 14:38

Yes good.

Aylestone · 01/04/2023 14:39

MarchMadness23 · 01/04/2023 12:08

The car I can understand & wouldn't mind (if it was genuine & they weren't just having a few beers after fixing the car!!)

This morning would piss me off, he has a phone, he could have set an alarm!!

I'd just reply 'that's a shame. Maybe another time'

if he says he'll meet you now, I'd just say, 'nope I've got other plans now. Maybe another time'

then let him do some apologising, chasing, before you agree to see him again (if you even want to) 6 weeks in he should be keen not messing you about. If you just accept it, it'll get worse & worse!

not to mention getting so bladdered, he ducked up this morning, when he knew he was supposed to be spending today with you really isn't great is it. Maybe his relationship with alcohol is a bit too dependent.

Oh behave. So the op has to spend the next couple of months playing mind games where she has to try to make him chase her to prove he gives a shit, when he’s already clearly showed he doesn’t? If she carries on staying after this she is already accepting it.

Londontoderby · 01/04/2023 16:38

Is it always weekends or most of them? His probably not single but had a girlfriend (that he doesn’t live with) so sees her weekends?

Watchkeys · 01/04/2023 16:46

Xztop · 01/04/2023 14:29

Update: He phoned, apologised and then acted as if we were still seeing each other today. I said no.

Are you going to be seeing him again at all?

billy1966 · 01/04/2023 17:11

We teach people how to treat us.

Well done for saying No.

I wouldn't have answered the text.

I wouldn't bother making any further effort.

He thinks you are keen.

I'd fix that for him.

He is rude.

Don't accept it.

MarchMadness23 · 02/04/2023 14:09

Aylestone · 01/04/2023 14:39

Show quote history

@Aylestone

there is NO need for that 'oh behave' comment at all, stop being so rude.

the OP asked for opinions, I gave mine. Tell everyone you don't agree by all means, but don't be so bloody rude just because you don't agree.

She said he's been great except for this & she likes him, so no reason she can't give him the benefit of the doubt IF she wants to & see if he steps up or continues like this. But don't lay it on a plate for him, that's all.

Markasread · 02/04/2023 14:13

I definitely wouldn't be interested in seeing him again. So rude.

PinkSyCo · 02/04/2023 14:13

Xztop · 01/04/2023 14:29

Update: He phoned, apologised and then acted as if we were still seeing each other today. I said no.

Good for you. If he’s stopped making an effort after just 6 weeks he really isn’t worth your time.

MarchMadness23 · 02/04/2023 14:15

spacechimp79 · 01/04/2023 12:23

I wouldn't be impressed with either of these things @Xztop as it shows a complete lack of regard for you. You deserve better than this so if it was me, I would move on and find someone who treats you better. Good luck!

@spacechimp79 he had already agreed to help a friend fix his car before they arranged their date. Would you really expect him to leave the mate with a non working car when it wasn't fixed in time for a date ? That would make you a pretty crap friend.

frozendaisy · 02/04/2023 14:25

I am going to take a slightly different approach as I am assuming he is older, perhaps divorce previously or at least long term relationship split up.

I think definitely yes saying no to seeing him today is right as it wasn't an early breakfast and you should be making an effort, but it was Frida last night and he might have got carried away in the pub with friends, and when you are single older friendships are important so dropping a, perhaps, evening in pub where he is being social, thinking, it's fine I'll be up by 10am, as in I won't feel that bad tomorrow it will be ok. Have you never had to bail because a previous night got out of hand and you had every intention of going bowling after lunch the following day, you think it will all be fine in your drink Friday night little mind, you are basically acting like you are 20 and can bounce back after a skinfull. And it all goes wrong. Well it could just be this.

If you like him OP and he apologies, and you calmly point out, if he attempts to make another arrangement that you are not going to assume it will happen and will clearly have backup plan eh but are willing to give it one more go! And he then makes every effort to get to where you agree, honestly I could let this go.

But acting huffy and moody about it is not a great look.

So either forgive, not forget, but water off a duck's back, and make another date, or bin him off.

winterbegone · 02/04/2023 23:12

You did the right thing to nip it in the bud, otherwise he'd carry on letting you down, he's just not the type of person to respect your time.

Punkyspunky · 03/04/2023 00:31

This man is treating you like shit.’’ Hope you feel better’! No fucking way.
Block and move on.Do it once, shame on you. Do it twice, shame on me. You are worth more than this man.

Elieza · 03/04/2023 02:07

It would depend how much I liked him whether or not I’d give him another try. (The car thing was fair enough. This drunk thing hell no, you did the right thing to bomb him out. That’s set your standards).

But tbh I’d fear he was a drunkard and every time he went out with his mates he’s be like that… (I detest drunk men, a wee dram and he’s happy fine, drunk as hell and hungover next day at our age - hell no should know better when to stop).

So I think I’d decline another date unless he’s been out with bated before and been fine the next day and this one episode was a one off).

Elieza · 03/04/2023 02:07

Mates. Not ‘bated’

SunflowerTed · 03/04/2023 05:50

ChrisTrepidation · 01/04/2023 12:12

For God's sake don't cook breakfast for a mam you've only been seeing six weeks!

He should be taking you out for breakfast, not coming round to let you cook it for him. Only he's doing neither cos he went out and got pissed Instead.

Throw him back and in future don't cook for men you barely know.

What?!!!!!!

Phoebo · 03/04/2023 06:27

I'd give him another chance if you really like him. Annoying but understandable of he had a night out (I've accidentally done this before so probably why I have some understanding!)

KateAusten · 03/04/2023 07:00

You are very low down on his list of priorities

Move on

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