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Original poster

Why am I crushing on someone who is unavailable

37 replies

Memysel · 30/03/2023 21:23

There is one man at work that I have been friends with for 11 years. A few years back there were women in the office being bitchy and he stood up for me in front of the whole office. Everytime we saw each other around town (in pubs) we would always have a friendly hug/ dance and drink. He did try and kiss me once but I was happily married at that time so I didn't entertain him. Just before covid my marriage was seriously on the rocks and I saw this man at work in a completely different light and starting crushing on him, but as I was still married I didn't act upon it. But then covid and lockdowns hit us so we didn't see much of each other. In our Christmas do in 2021 we were both flirting with each other, however he announced to the group that he had just met someone (I was still married and living with my husband but the marriage had broken down). In June 2022 he announced that his new girlfriend had fallen pregnant unexpectedly. In August 2022 we went out as a work group and again the flirting started, he went in for a kiss and I'm not ashamed to admit that I kissed him back. As we were with work we didn't progress much further than kissing etc by the bar. The next few days were awkward between us, so I apologised and told him that I didn't want to jeopardise any future plans he may have with his girlfriend, at this point I was officially separated but I decided not to tell him this as again I didn't want to jeopardise his future as I knew that him and his girlfriend were looking to move in together ready for their arrival. Since then things have been ok between us, but I feel tension when we're talking. In our last Christmas do, he held my hand to offer me a drink and gave me a peck on the cheek, but that could have been passed off as friendly.
I'm still thinking about him, should I tell him how I feel or leave him to settle with his new life? in hindsight I should have been honest after our first kiss. I don't know if it's too late now.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 30/03/2023 21:26

should I tell him how I feel or leave him to settle with his new life?

No. You absolutely should not, it’s not relevant that you are now single. He is married and has a baby, don’t be that cow that ruins that poor woman’s life, for the sake of a man who kisses other women. Leave him alone and find someone else.

Pinkbonbon · 30/03/2023 21:49

Hell no. This creep tried to kiss you when you had a partner. Then did kiss you when HE had a partner AND thought you still did.

Let this one go. Plenty more men out there that aren't slimey cheats.

Dontbelieveaword · 30/03/2023 21:55

Another selfish, self-absorbed crank asking for permission and justification to ruin other people's lives because they're sad and lonely and think the only way they can make themselves feel better is to steal someone else's partner. Will this make you feel like you're all pretty, cute and wanted??

Buildingthefuture · 30/03/2023 22:00

Why on earth would you want to get involved with a man who, a mere two months after discovering his gf was pregnant and is planning to move in with her, tries it on with you, or anyone else? How would you feel if your partner behaved like this when you were pregnant? He also tries it on with people he knows are married! Short of an actual sign on his forehead which reads “I am a lying scumbag” I’m not sure how he could make it more clear that he is, in fact, a lying scumbag?

user7478384 · 30/03/2023 22:06

Coffeellama · 30/03/2023 21:26

should I tell him how I feel or leave him to settle with his new life?

No. You absolutely should not, it’s not relevant that you are now single. He is married and has a baby, don’t be that cow that ruins that poor woman’s life, for the sake of a man who kisses other women. Leave him alone and find someone else.

I don't think he's married to his gf. Not that it makes any difference - I agree with you - but just pointing that out.

user7478384 · 30/03/2023 22:08

Listen to the others and do nothing.

You've just come out of a marriage and while you don't need to say the reason why, it's a big thing and you need time to adapt to your new life as a single woman. Even if you don't think you need to.

You don't need to have the next man ready to fill the empty space in your life - especially not this one cos he's a bellend.

Sunnygirl07 · 30/03/2023 22:09

I wouldn't get involved with him as he is in relations & has a baby now.

Sunnygirl07 · 30/03/2023 22:10

Start dating and find your good match.

AllOfThemWitches · 30/03/2023 22:17

Dontbelieveaword · 30/03/2023 21:55

Another selfish, self-absorbed crank asking for permission and justification to ruin other people's lives because they're sad and lonely and think the only way they can make themselves feel better is to steal someone else's partner. Will this make you feel like you're all pretty, cute and wanted??

Blimey.

Original poster
Memysel · 30/03/2023 22:20

Thanks everyone! I think you've all just confirmed my gut instinct! It has just been driving me crazy lately. One minute I think I like him, the next minute his face, his attitude and the way he mistreat his new gf pisses me right off.
Personally I think he's not happy with the fact that his gf fell pregnant straight away and he now has to upgrade his 2 seater convertible to something that is kid friendly!
Thanks everyone, you've helped me to settle the argument in my head

OP posts:
Original poster
Memysel · 30/03/2023 22:20

Thanks everyone! I think you've all just confirmed my gut instinct! It has just been driving me crazy lately. One minute I think I like him, the next minute his face, his attitude and the way he mistreat his new gf pisses me right off.
Personally I think he's not happy with the fact that his gf fell pregnant straight away and he now has to upgrade his

OP posts:
Original poster
Memysel · 30/03/2023 22:20

Thanks everyone! I think you've all just confirmed my gut instinct! It has just been driving me crazy lately. One minute I think I like him, the next minute his face, his attitude and the way he mistreat his new gf pisses me right off.
Personally I think he's not happy with the fact that his gf fell pregnant straight away and he now has to upgrade his

OP posts:
Original poster
Memysel · 30/03/2023 22:26

That's true! And more I think about it, why did I feel the need to apologise for kissing him? He made the first move and as you say, he thought that I was still married at that time, so shouldn't he have felt the need to apologise too?

OP posts:
user7478384 · 30/03/2023 22:27

Memysel · 30/03/2023 22:20

Thanks everyone! I think you've all just confirmed my gut instinct! It has just been driving me crazy lately. One minute I think I like him, the next minute his face, his attitude and the way he mistreat his new gf pisses me right off.
Personally I think he's not happy with the fact that his gf fell pregnant straight away and he now has to upgrade his

The thing is op, there's now a child involved in this and that's huge. Granted this child is nothing to do with you but telling him how you feel could have a massive impact on the rest of this child's life. No doubt the relationship won't last with the mother of his child but let him fuck that up on his own....and make sure you are over him by the time he does.

Again - he has a young child now. Dating someone with a young child isn't exactly straightforward. Unless he's a shit dad and spends little time with the child. In which case that shouldn't be a man you should want in your life anyway - if his priorities are all wrong.

Dreamer20 · 30/03/2023 22:31

He sounds like a bit of a player…a lot of one! Best off moving on and forgetting him. Honestly just steer well clear!

Tryphenia · 30/03/2023 22:36

Honestly, OP, the only real question here is exactly why you’re attracted to a creep who tries to kiss married women at work events, and doesn’t let the fact that’s he’s just impregnated his girlfriend get in the way of doing it again? Not to mention why you seem to be even contemplating making a move on an office Lothario who’s about to move in with his pregnant girlfriend?

Mixkle · 30/03/2023 23:22

Wow. Poor baby hasn’t even been born yet and already you’re trying to split up it’s parents.

YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE OP.

Leave this man alone and get a new job.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/03/2023 23:26

It wasn't okay to do anything while you were still married so I'm not sure how it would be okay to try and do something now he's got a baby and a girlfriend? Confused

He sounds like a bit of a knob messing around with other people while he's with someone but it doesn't mean you should get in the middle of it all.

UB40andaglassofwine · 30/03/2023 23:53

Get your own man!!!

TrishM80 · 31/03/2023 01:13

Let me get this straight, you snogged him at a work do, and this was after it was known he had a girlfriend who was pregnant (and still assumed you were married)?!

I can see why your work colleagues were bitching about you!

LooseGoose22 · 31/03/2023 01:28

Personally I think he's not happy with the fact that his gf fell pregnant straight away

Was it an immaculate conception; does the Vatican know?

On the main thread topic; he tried it on with you while you were married. Then he tried it on with you while he thought you were still married and while he had a pregnant girlfriend ..... Is trustworthy, high integrity, honourable and honest with high standards really jumping out at you here?

Great partner material.

LooseGoose22 · 31/03/2023 01:30

I would let him find some other foolish slapped with low standards to have his inevitable affair with, and work on your boundaries & self esteem.

LooseGoose22 · 31/03/2023 01:31

*slapper

LooseGoose22 · 31/03/2023 01:32

A few years back there were women in the office being bitchy

It's hard to imagine why ...were you actually snogging an attached man with a pregnant gf in front of your work colleagues? I'm wondering what else you've done.