Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU about this

47 replies

Blenha · 30/03/2023 14:31

its my dps birthday tomorrow. I wanted to go out with him but he says he is not bothered about his birthday and just wanted to stay home and rest (he works a lot). So tomorrow we will relax and then Saturday night I’ve booked for us to go somewhere (a place I believe he’ll enjoy - we don’t go out together often and he’s not interested in going out but I want to treat him)

although I don’t have much money I have bought a gift that he said he’d like, I have ordered decorations to decorate the home with a balloon arch (which I am planning on doing tonight while he’s sleeping so he can wake up to the surprise) and I have gone out today while the kids are at school and bought some of his fav food to cook, snacks he’d like etc. (it’s not much but I’ve made effort and had to walk home with 6 heavy bags as I don’t drive). I really just wanted to make it special for him. I have also got a cake made for him and personalised.

he wasn’t home when I got back and when he arrived he had a ginormous bunch of personalised balloons that someone had got delivered for him to his workplace. Literally 3 massive inflated letter balloons with some other inflated balloons. He doesn’t know who got them yet but it’s definitely a female as he has so many female clients that like to buy him gifts.

now this might sound so silly and I don’t want to be negative but it just instantly bothered me. If I’m honest it’s made me feel like sh*t. The balloon decorations I had planned to set up tonight or going to look like crap compared to these ones. I just feel like I’ve been ‘out-done’ and it’s the one day as his partner I should’ve treated him the best.

he says he’s not bothered about his birthday, not interested in doing anything etc yet he’s been posting on his social media about his ‘birthday week’ and is so excited about these balloons trying to figure out who got them and has taken a selfie with them and posted it to his Instagram (sounds silly but he has a business and social media is how he connects with all his clients etc). That has frustrated me too because I feel like he’s just trying to get attention and probably looking forward to all these females wishing him happy birthday and giving him gifts.

it sounds so silly I know I just feel like my efforts aren’t good enough now and like other people make more effort than me as the girlfriend. I feel like I’m always in competition.

he knows I’m annoyed and I told him why. He doesn’t get it but I used the example (if it was my birthday and he made an effort and then I came home with all these huge balloons/gifts that another guy had got me how would you feel)

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 30/03/2023 15:04

He's literally done nothing wrong.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/03/2023 15:11

I have to say, if I'd told my partner "I don't want to do anything for my birthday" and I got up in the morning to find a bloody balloon arch, I'd be really unimpressed. Sorry.

Shoxfordian · 30/03/2023 15:16

He hasn’t done anything wrong though: if you want to give him the best presents then step it up a bit next time

Dontbelieveaword · 30/03/2023 15:29

Is it a milestone birthday? Is it a new relationship and this is the first birthday you've celebrated with him?
That's a lot of effort and fuss to go to for someone who bluntly told you they didn't want to do anything for his birthday.
If it's a 'client' who sent him the balloons then why can't he go on SM to thank them. Although, tbh, I'd be interested to know what kind of business he's in where his 'clients' consider it appropriate and necessary to send these and why it had to be anonymous, but hey, he brought them home and wasn't trying to hide them.
You're now going to ruin his birthday and all your own plans by being petty and jealous and telling him you're annoyed.
Go ahead with your plans and let him enjoy his birthday - remember, you're the one forcing him to celebrate in the first place

Pringleface · 30/03/2023 15:32

Frankly, I think it’s a bit odd to get a balloon arch for your partner.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/03/2023 15:38

A balloon arch for a grown man is rather odd. I think you're doing all this for yourself, not really for him.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 30/03/2023 15:41

OP you have got yourself in a tizz over a silly balloon arch you should not have bought. Perhaps you are buying into this social media stuff because he uses it as a marketing tool?
Relax and give him a cake with candles on.

CockSpadget · 30/03/2023 15:41

You’ve said he’s not interested in going out, but you’ve made arrangements to go out. Sounds like the effort you’re going to is more for your benefit than his.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 30/03/2023 15:44

A balloon arch? Aside from the impact of the environment, I thought balloon arches were more for kids or shop openings. Maybe he just didn't want a fuss because he knew you'd get suffocating? A takeaway, a few drinks at home and a small cake could have been sufficient for me if I ever bothered celebrating mine.

Scottishskifun · 30/03/2023 15:47

Why if you don't have money are you wasting it on a balloon arch?! He's not 8!

sealon82 · 30/03/2023 15:56

I'm sure he'll appreciate the effort you've put in, hope he makes you feel as special on your birthday.
Try not to compare yourself to other people, I know it's hard not to sometimes but doing so really can suck the joy out things.
Have a nice meal out, my husbands the same, says he doesn't want to do anything but really enjoys himself when I force him out of the house.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/03/2023 16:09

It’s not his fault he was given balloons. What do you think he should have done, not brought them home? Why don’t you like him promoting his business on social media?

I fail to see how he’s done anything wrong. You on the other hand…

He told you he didn’t want loads of fuss and you’ve ignored him, that’s not very considerate.

we don’t go out together often and he’s not interested in going out but I want to treat him

This is plain selfish, it’s his birthday not yours and it should be about making him happy.

If I told DH I wanted something low key and I woke up to a balloon arch I don’t know what I’d do with my face…

You seem more bothered by what it all looks like than what he wants yet you’re criticising him for self promotion.

Original poster
Blenha · 30/03/2023 16:15

Hi everyone thanks for the replies.

I know it sounds very silly, reading it myself sounds silly but there’s more to it than what I can write.

firstly, it’s not the ‘balloon arch’ that’s the issue - it was rather the fact that every other female goes all out getting him gifts and I feel like I can’t compete sometimes, this time it just happened to be the balloons.

he was very happy about them and the fact someone made that effort for him, so I felt that the idea has been done now and my effort wouldn’t be as special.

we are still fairly young (mid 20s) and although he says he’s not interested in doing things/birthday etc he does like the effort once done so I really wanted to make an effort for him as we have had a tough year and he’s made a big effort for Valentine’s Day/Mother’s Day etc for me.

I know the balloon arch sounds young, it’s just decorations that I’m going to set the table up with for his gifts, it’s nothing ridiculous especially not compared to the ginormous balloons he’s just received anyway.

i am not ‘forcing’ him to do anything. We have spoken about it and he said he’s just generally not a very ‘fun’ person but he will go along to do things with me. So I have booked something that I know he will really enjoy that is his interest.

I should also add for the person calling me petty - the balloons are just one example, it’s usually expensive clothes, perfumes etc etc. constantly. so the fact it’s his birthday I just wanted to make it special and not have other females doing more than me as obviously it makes me feel a little rubbish.

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 30/03/2023 16:19

I find it hard to believe anonymous women shower your partner with gifts but that's just the cynic in me. .

JorisBonson · 30/03/2023 16:20

Who gives a shit what other women do? He's with you, not them.

And yes, a balloon arch for anyone over the age of 12 is weird.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/03/2023 16:21

Is he a personal trainer or something?

Dontbelieveaword · 30/03/2023 16:24

So who exactly are these females who are giving him such elaborate gifts all the time? What sort of business is he in to have purely female clients who feel this is appropriate?
Do you feel he is deliberately making you feel like you should be in competition?

Cherrysoup · 30/03/2023 16:24

He’s told you he doesn’t want to go out so you’ve booked to go out?

Justforlaffs · 30/03/2023 16:25

It all sounds very childish.

If female colleagues “showered my dh with gifts” and bought him balloons I’d be a bit Confused

Are you sure this isn’t a deliberate ploy to get you jealous?

Londontoderby · 30/03/2023 16:29

Who are these women? I’ve worked on places with men and woman don’t shower them in gifts, why is his work place different?

Something seems off here.

Nimbostratus100 · 30/03/2023 16:33

I agree that a balloon arch is inappropriate, and has a massive environmental impact. Can you take it back? Sounds like you dont really want it now anyway.

GreyCarpet · 30/03/2023 16:52

Does anyone actually like balloon arches?

Tbh, you've completely ignored everything he said and done exactly what you wanted and now your nose has been pushed put of joint.

If someone showed me they'd not listened to a single word I'd, I'd be pissed off. I wouldn't see it as a treat.

I don't celebrate my birthday. If someone dis what you'd done, I'd be rethinking the relationship tbh. It just shows a complete lack of regard.

iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 30/03/2023 17:15

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/03/2023 16:21

Is he a personal trainer or something?

That was my thought too

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 30/03/2023 17:19

OP Life is not a competition. Other females showering him with gifts.. why?

Gladiaterf · 30/03/2023 17:20

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/03/2023 15:11

I have to say, if I'd told my partner "I don't want to do anything for my birthday" and I got up in the morning to find a bloody balloon arch, I'd be really unimpressed. Sorry.

Same. I don't like birthday fuss/decorations/cake etc. it makes me cringe.

I'd be annoyed if my DH spent money doing something for my birthday that I didn't want.

Swipe left for the next trending thread